Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Someday Lists

List to End All Lists We are a generation of list makers. I’m not sure how younger people do it without the benefit of pencil and paper, but I know that they are just as obsessed as we are. I can’t imagine that hitting a delete button can be as satisfying as crossing items off by hand, but it is what it is. Our lists range from weekly grocery lists to broad sweeping New Year Resolutions. Writing things down and crossing them off is immensely satisfying. Heady stuff! Age of course, intensifies the need to make lists. So many things to do. As memory begins to falter, we fill our diaries with things we need to do, as well things that we always wanted to do. As we grow older, we ponder more, and our list of things to do take on a little more urgency. It is time to recognize that bucket lists are dream lists, they look good on paper but are out of reach of most people. Let’s call our new list something else. A list perhaps, of things that we always wanted to do, but never got around to. We could call it our “someday list.” We have reached the “now or never” phase of our lives. If we are going to be able to check anything off our “someday list,” we need to start today. This list isn’t just for checking off huge adventures, but for finding little ways to add meaning and enjoyment to our lives. How about learning a new language, auditing a university class or finally finishing your degree. Join a health club and start a fitness program; chair yoga is a place to start. Take a cooking class and volunteer with an organization that touches your heart. Write a book (memoirs are fine), take piano lessons, learn how to dance, or master a skill or hobby (new or old). Reconnect with family and old friends. Take a photography class. Take up gardening, make a quilt, crochet a baby blanket, set a fitness goal or participate in a charity walk. So many things to do. Create your own “someday list” today, and keep that pencil handy.

Senior to Senior: Seniors Play Solitaire

If you like to play cards you probably took umbrage when a certain somebody said it was a waste of time. I had all but given up playing cards in the years before the pandemic, but the waste of time remark prompted me to search out a well-worn deck of cards. One of my favorite books, made into a movie, was about an “older” woman wiling away hours in a prison cell, learning 72 ways to plays to play solitaire. It occupied her time and as it turned out, the microfilm was in the deck of cards. Well, no microfilm in my cards but playing solitaire has always been a great way to relax and calm the mind. I like to think of solitaire as an inexpensive tranquillizer that, while mildly addictive, is not harmful to your health. Some say it is a way to delay dementia because it stimulates the brain. Who am I to argue about that? We learned to play card games and to build houses out of cards; it was quite a fete. Busy work, sure, but remember when we were kids, we didn’t have internet, movies or computer games. All we had and needed was a deck of playing cards. I prefer physical cards and find the exercise of shuffling therapeutic for osteoarthritic hands, but by all means, play a digital version if necessary. Stuck in traffic or on public transportation; crank up your phone or iPad for a digital game. Not quite the same, but it will do. The best part is that you don’t have to round up another person to play with; it is all about you. You won’t always win, and cheating is taboo, but there is always a glimmer of hope that you will prevail. Is it really a waste of time? If you have an anxious mind, and many of us do (always thinking ahead, planning the next event, worrying about everything) solitaire is for you. Solitaire. Just the right level of absorption to let your mind reset. The structure and symmetry, the repetition, and the simplicity, are all soothing to the busy brain. Don’t let anyone shame you into giving up this simple pleasure.

Senior to Senior: Multigenerational Living

Multigenerational Living is back! If the pandemic has done nothing else, it has reaffirmed the idea that family is everything; love trumps all else. Seniors can be difficult though, often adverse to embracing new ideas, but down deep we are better than that. It takes a big person to shake off the past and show a willingness to embrace the future. By now, people everywhere have come to grips with a world that has changed immeasurably. Multi-tasking has taken on a whole new meaning as people struggle to juggle household responsibilities, work, play, health, and being full-time teachers, and all without outside help. Add in worrying about friends and family who are out there on their own. Many have had to swallow their pride and asked family members to move back in with them, or vice versa. The pandemic has accelerated the growth of mutigenerational households and it hasn’t been easy. Whether the concept will last or not is moot, but the responsibilities lie in the hands of everyone involved. Generally speaking, the idea of multigenerational living originated a very long time ago. Originally it was seen as a way to care for elderly parents, but in recent years it has morphed into a whole new ballgame. Children have returned home from college, single parents have moved back home, or whole families have come together because working, caring for children, tutoring, and maintaining a level of sanity has become too much. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard, or this expensive. Seniors, rather than being the cause of concern, are once again becoming the leaders, as whole families learn to live together again. Much of this started to happened before the pandemic, but the need has become more urgent now. If your kitchen is doubling as an office, or your home gym is set up behind the dining room table, you have already figured some of this out. A multigenerational family needs to be like a beehive, with every single person having the goal of living harmoniously, and contributing to the greater good.

Senior to Senior: Aging in Place

The pandemic has given seniors a serious look at what lies ahead; aging in place versus a retirement community. Retirement resorts have become popular choices for those wanting a “swing singles” lifestyle, but in some cases, new concerns about “too much” proximity is making people have second thoughts. If the idea of rules, regulations, and threats of illness have you feeling a little claustrophobic, now might be the time to examine other options. The main option, of course, is to stay in your own home, although social isolation and lack of transportation may make you wonder if you could hack it. What do you think? If you have found, during these last few months, that you rather enjoy your own company, aging in place might be for you. What are you doing these days? If you are walking your dog every day, working on rediscovered projects, cooking healthy meals, reading the classics, or redecorating/reorganizing your house so that is just the way you like it, you may feel quite content. Many seniors, despite earlier oppositions, have discovered that they are communicating with family and friends now more than ever. New phones, iPads and other “new-fangled gadgets” have brought the world to their fingertips. You may have discovered that being “alone together” is not such a bad thing. Before the pandemic many people wanted to stay in their own homes, but few gave it as much thought as they should. Things to consider if you are going to stay home: • Would you consider wearing a Medic Alert System? • Would you be willing to renovate your home to make it more accessible? • Is public transportation available? • Would you be willing to hire home care if/when required? • Most of all; do you enjoy your own company? During the pandemic your home has become the center of your universe, as well as the safest and most comfortable place to be. Try to think of covid19 as a trial run. There are pluses as well as minuses; after nearly a year of keeping to yourself, you have truly had a taste of what aging in place might be like.

Senior to Senior: Smile Behind the Mask

It’s still possible to make new friends, even in these days of social distancing. It may seem strange at first. You find yourself chatting with these new “friendly” people every time you meet, but you’ve never actually seen their faces. The usual summer/fall garb for seniors consists of a hat, sunglasses, and often a mask; talk about incognito! When you do get around to exchanging pictures, you discover that your new friends don’t look anything like you imagined. The one thing you do know for sure is that there is a smile behind their masks. Face coverings are now a part of our daily appearance, and while you may not like it, it is what it is. A wave of a hand, a nod, and a quick good morning have come to say it all. You may be smiling on the inside of the mask but if no one knows it, is that enough? Let’s see, with only your eyes and your forehead showing, it is hard to tell if a person is smiling or frowning, but it can be done. How do you compensate verbally for losing the ability to express yourself with your face? • Slow down your speech • Change the tone and pitch of your voice • Articulate more clearly • Speak louder Non-verbal communication: • Wear a mask with a smile printed on it • Make eye contact • Convey enthusiasm in other ways (wave, thumbs up gesture, clapping hands together, shrugging shoulder) Smiles are the most effective way to convey warmth, safety, empathy, compassion and gratitude. A smile can lift your spirits like nothing else in the whole world. Try not to let Covid19 erase the smile from your face. For now, words are all we have, so put your best words forward. You are still “you” and they are still “them”; you are still warm friendly human beings. The very fact that they are wearing a mask tells you that they care about you, and that you care about them. Practice if you need to, but let the world know that there is a smile behind your mask.

Senior to Senior: Vulnerable Elderly

Who are these vulnerable elderly people we keep hearing about? Surely, they aren’t talking about us. I mean, we are still getting around, still have “stuff” to do and places to go. We still feel good, most of the time, still have hopes, plans and dreams, and we don’t have time to be sick…right? Vulnerable Elderly include: • Age 70 or older • Under 70 but with underlying health conditions (chronic respiratory diseases, chronic heart disease, chronic kidney failure, chronic liver disease, chronic neurological conditions, diabetes, arthritis, and the like). It’s an eye opener isn’t it? Underlying health conditions sneak up on you rather quickly, and before you know it, you are no long young. Not only that but your immune system is letting you down, and you are truly at risk for getting seriously ill. Vulnerable people are urged to take extra precautions as Covid19 cases continue to rise. • You can go outside but try to keep overall social interactions low • Limit shopping to places where you can easily keep 6 feet away from others • Wear a mask and wash your hands often • Sanitize your home You are lonesome and you are tired of self-isolating, but if you don’t want to die prematurely, you have to go the extra mile. Remember; this virus infects people of all ages, but “vulnerable elderly” individuals are more likely to become seriously/fatally ill than most. Can you trust your children to not bring the virus home? Young people are not always as conscientious as we are. Unless you plan on taking your chances, you will have to put your foot down (good teaching moments). • Let the world know that you aren’t ready to cash in your chips yet. • Set a good example • Set up a social distancing module in your house • Have a basket of masks in the foyer • Have hand sanitizers, soaps, and antiseptic wipes available to all • Get your flu shot; take good care of yourself • Keep your mind and your body active This is not a game. Like it or not; aging changes who you are, and you need to stay in control. Life is precious. Life is good at any age.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Housekeeper

It’s spring! Spring means different things to different people but one thing is a constant; “spring cleaning.” A generation ago spring cleaning was a given, and to ignore it was akin to blasphemy. Thankfully times have changed, but you may get a yen to roll up your sleeves when April showers announce the arrival of spring. You are not alone if you find yourself throwing open “newly cleaned’ windows and rearranging pantry shelves. Don’t be ashamed if you feel less passionate about cleaning than you used to; you have reason enough. Aching joints and flagging energy make housework much more difficult. But what do you do now? Cleaning services, as well as many other small businesses, have been shut down until sometime in the unforeseeable future. You might be bored enough by now to do a little cleaning yourself, perhaps not spring cleaning but, you know, cleaning. The trick is to figure out how to use your time and your flagging energy. Stiff fingers, aching joints, and decreasing energy have to be factored in as you age; you want things to be nice and fresh, but moving furniture and hands and knees scrubbing are out of the question. It’s time to redefine clean and just do what is necessary. Forget spring cleaning; your world isn’t going to end if your blinds don’t get cleaned until July or August instead of in April. If you haven’t done much of your own cleaning for a while you may have forgotten how much work these chores really are, so take it easy: • Schedule your tasks. Do more demanding chores when you have the most energy, and only do one at a time. • Stay put and use shopping and delivery services. • Acknowledge that some days you have more energy than others and plan accordingly. • Clean as you go. If you notice nose prints on the patio door, clean them now. Are you going to do spring cleaning this year? Probably not, but try to clean a little bit at a time and keep clutter to a minimum. Do enough that your cleaners don’t faint when they do come back.

Senior to Senior: Aging Artists and Gifts From the Heart

Gift giving is a crap shoot these days. Everyone wants gift cards, money, or the latest gadgets. What ever happened to gifts given from the heart? It takes a senior to know that a gift from the heart means more than any breakable gadget or toy ever will. Homemade cards, hand knit scarves, paintings, or journals are all worth their weight in gold. Many seniors stopped crafting because family members joked or made snide remarks about “grandma’s little hobbies,” but times have changed. There are many people now who would love to have warm hats, mittens, scarves and blankets. So now, while you are sitting at home wondering what to do with your time, you can discover or rediscover hidden talents that you haven’t thought about for years. If stiff arthritic fingers have made handwork difficult, you will be pleased to know that new ergonomic products are available to make crafting easier. Not only that, but experts feel that rest is not always the answer. Needlework is now looked upon as a form of therapy. Hand work can keep stiff hands mobile and give you a sense of pleasure as well as accomplishment. Ease back into it slowly: • Take frequent breaks • Stretch painful hands and wrists • Stick with easier projects “Why bother, “you say. “Nobody appreciates homemade items anymore.” Not true. Think of ways you can use your crafting skills to help those less fortunate. You can make a difference. What is busywork to one person is “love from the heart” to another. Craft for charities: lap robes, prayers shawls, baby sweaters and afghans will indeed be appreciated by those in need. Don’t know how to knit, crochet, or quilt? Why not learn. You may not be able to go to a class right now but you can find books and even lessons on line. What could be more fun than that? Someone needing a warm blanket isn’t going to mind a dropped stitch or two, and they certainly won’t complain if stitches aren’t perfectly spaced. A special thank you to those who are sewing face masks for individuals and organizations everywhere.

Senior to Senior: Asking For Help

A friend of mine is going through a rough patch; she reinjured her back and hip when helping a neighbor get ready for an event. She is a really good person, and always rallies around when someone asks for help. Much as she enjoys helping others she has learned, the hard way, that she needs to learn how to say “no.” When good intentions result in excessive fatigue or physical distress it is time to regroup. It’s hard to say “no,” but the time comes when you have to accept that chronic illnesses or other disabilities associated with aging mean that some things are going to have to change. What happens when you need help? My friend was willing to admit that she felt “neediness” was embarrassing, and that she has always prided herself on being able to tough it out on her own. It wasn’t that she thought someone else needing help was a bad thing, but that asking for help personally didn’t seem the same. Why is this simple tit for tat concept so hard to accept? Are you just being stubborn or are you afraid of rejection? Would you be embarrassed if your request was refused? You needn’t be. It is hard for anyone to say “no” when someone asks for help. It is human nature to help others in need. Studies show that most people take pleasure in helping others, and that they are unlikely to turn down a reasonable request. Reasonable is the key word. You don’t want to ask for help if you feel that it is going to be a burden to the other person, but please don’t preface your request with “I don’t want to be a bother.” Never do the guilt trip thing; always give them the option of a polite refusal. Chances are, at the very least, they will be happy to help problem solve. People get pleasure out of helping others; it makes their day, brightens their smile, gives them a feeling of self-worth and importance. Your job is to learn how to be grateful and to reciprocate in ways that are physically possible.

Senior to Senior: Creativity

Creativity is innate. I read somewhere that everyone is born with a certain amount of creativity, but most either don’t recognize it, or they have had to put it aside until later, much later. The shame of it all is that somewhere along the line thoughts of “not being good enough” creeps in, and creativity dies. Try to remember that you do indeed have a creative side. Understand that creativity does not just relate to music, art, dance, or writing. Anything that piques your interest is fair game. As child you were passionate about everything, the sky was the limit. What happened? Allow your creative side to flourish again. Revisit arts, crafts, or hobbies that piqued your interest long ago. If you truly enjoy yourself you will find that creativity reduces stress, combats depression, and alleviate loneliness (conditions often associated with older people). People are living longer; many of them are looking for ways to make their extra years more fulfilling. Now is the time to reactivate your hidden talents; the time is right. So, what if forty or fifty years have gone by; you can knit something besides a potholder, you can pick up a paint brush again, learn a foreign language, explore your ancestry or write something fun and memorable. Stop dithering. You now have time. The kids have left home and a pension has allowed you to retire. You are free to do what you want and you don’t have to worry about what others think. Be more creative: • Pick something that you like to do whether it writing your memoirs. knitting or playing an instrument. • Do not compare your work to others. • Immerse yourself in what you are doing; enjoy the process. As adults we need more fun and creativity in our lives. Your art will give you something fun and productive to do while keeping your mind off from pain and the other stresses associated with aging. Creativity knows no age limit.

Senior to Senior: New Year Resolutions

As a senior you have seen it all. New Year Resolutions have come and gone and you may even be thinking “why bother.” Still, you have to admit that there is something exciting about the idea of “starting over.” A new day, a new week, a new month, and yes, a new year undoubtedly fills you with hopeful intentions. You may feel a bit disheartened if you have been making and breaking the same resolutions every year, but chances are you are ready to have another go at it. This year will be different. Why is it that you haven’t succeeded in the past? Instead of just making blanket statements about health and fitness, try something different. Start by examining what it was that kept you from succeeding the last forty or fifty times. You make a resolution because you want to “start over.” A new beginning so to speak; a fresh start, an opportunity to master a hobby, learn a language, or change an old habit that has been dragging you down. You aren’t looking to change good habits. It is the bad habits that hang over your head. You’ve tried to change, over and over again, but this time you will succeed. Keep thinking “older and wiser.” Researchers say you need to replace bad habits with good ones. Something equally rewarding; a walk, a hot bath, taking a class that is particularly interesting to you, learning how to knit, or training for a marathon. Top new years resolutions generally revolve around spending more time with family and friends, physical fitness, cutting back on smoking or drinking, curbing impulsive spending, learning something new, helping others and getting your life in order. Lofty goals, but you might want to narrow the field. Pick just one or two and have reasonable expectations. Do it because you really want to and because it is something that will make you healthy and happy. It isn’t too late to change or learn something new. Be optimistic and do it your way.