Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Holiday Blues

Sentimental movies, nostalgic songs, and a plethora of store decorations create the illusion that holidays are bigger than life. They are supposed to be of course, but as you grow older things tend to lose their luster. Role’s shift. Instead of participating in the hustle bustle you may be looking at it from the sidelines. It is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. The stress of trying to keep the holidays as “perfect” as you remember is over, or is it? There is a new kind of stress as you become an onlooker. Families have scattered and nearest and dearest are often gone forever. The probability that you will be spending the holidays alone is quite likely. The holidays season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration, but what happens when it is not? Thoughts of loss, failing health, and the past intrude. You are not alone if your family has shrunk to one or two, and all that you have left is the reminders of what you used to have. It doesn’t have to be. Try to step up, clear your mind, and think proactively. Common triggers for holiday depression can be avoided. Change your expectations about family gatherings, over commercialization, over committing, overspending, fatigue and stress. Try to remember the real reason for the celebration. There is no reason that you can’t enjoy the holidays. Change your mindset. Spend quality time with those who count. Celebrate with other people who don’t have family nearby. Focus on what truly matters. Practice self-care, especially when it comes to your emotional and spiritual self. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and communicate your needs to others. You can sit alone and feel depressed, or you can channel the emotions of your losses by volunteering at a community shelter. Start a new tradition. Be around other people. Do something joyful even if it is just hanging a wreath on your door. Let others know that you want to be seen. and that you see them too. People who cope best are the ones that don’t isolate themselves.

Senior to Senior: Invisibility

Old people are invisible. How does that make you feel? If you feel insignificant, unrecognized, and unimportant to others you may have bought into this theory. Everyone has the right to feel that they matter to others and that their presence, needs, and opinions have relevance. Invisibility. It could be your gray hair, the slower gait, or just your quiet demeaner, but in essence it is more likely how you feel about yourself. It’s not just you. Unless you are an actor or a sports figure you have probably been invisible for years; you just notice it more now. If you think of invisibility as a gift, you might find it more palatable. You get to spend more time in your head, which isn’t a bad place to be. You no longer need to worry about what others think, or don’t think, about you. You can play the invisible card anytime you please. The payoff is peace, and solitude on demand. Learn how to enjoy this perceived invisibility. You can get away with most anything if people don’t see you. Nobody knows if you accidentally donned mismatched earring, or if your shoes don’t match, or if you can’t remember if you combed your easy “demented pixie” hairdo this morning. I’ve done all those things at one time or another, but so what. Friends thought it was funny, but most others didn’t even notice. People in general are so self-absorbed that if you aren’t in their immediate circle, they forget that you exist, unless you do something outrageous. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Speak your mind. Having several college degrees and a lifetime of experience should count for something. You are here, you are well informed, and your voice matters. You can be as visible as you want to be but know that your behaviors speak as loudly as your words. Take charge, be confident, take care of yourself. Make yourself a part of every equation. Be visibility by having compassion for others and by treating them well. Act with sincerity and for heaven’s sake, be nicer to others than they are to you.

Senior to Senior: A Hobby

Stuck indoors again. What’s a senior to do? Empty nest, retirement, and health issues may be limiting your world as we speak. Heat, air quality, transportation, and decreased mobility all combine to keep you separated from family, friends, and even neighbors. Enforced isolation is okay for a day or two, a week or two, even a month but you must admit that things aren’t looking too promising. I know, even the tidiest person in the world can only spend so much time decluttering, cleaning, or writing letters. What you really need to think about is finding something to do that will keep you from going crazy. Remember the art class that you enjoyed in high school? The exercise videos that you bought, or the dozens of do-it-yourself projects that you started. Someday, you always said, when you had “time.” Well, that “someday” is here, and “time” isn’t all it is cracked up to be, and that too much is almost as bad as not enough. What to do? Now might be a good time to do some research. Think abouts joining the world of meaningful hobbies. There’s nothing like a good project to give you a certain sense of satisfaction. A hobby can help you develop new skills, cope with stress, and keep your brain healthy. Just like your old job, but better, and it can keep you from developing bad habits and wasting your time. You can work independently or share your trials and tribulation with others. Whether you join an on-line group, find a club at your senior center, or work alone is up to you. There are dozens of potential hobbies from which to choose. The main categories include adventure, art, crafts, collectibles, games and do-it-yourself projects. A hobby may be as simple as welcoming a new pet into your home, learning a new skill, or researching your family tree. Take your time and do some research. Daydream a little. Surely something will grab you. Keep in mind that your first pick doesn’t have to be “the one.” Give yourself a break, but most of all, put that enforced isolation, better known as “free time,” to work.

Senior to Senior: Aging Gracefully

Are you aging gracefully? What does that even mean? I’m pretty sure that most of us would rather slide into old age kicking and screaming. There is nothing graceful about any of this…it’s more a matter of wallowing, or not. Once it hits you that you have crossed the threshold between being “older” and being “old,” it becomes necessary to adapt, adjust, or shut up. Researchers and marketing people tell us we need to look younger and strive to live longer. Most of them are 40-50 years old. What do they know. At a certain point we all must accept that aging happens. Don’t even think about joking that you are “over the hill,” unless you really mean it. What other choices do we have? You did your best. If you have already adopted a healthier lifestyle and done everything possible to remain in control, you have probably nailed it. If not, see your doctor and ask, beg, or plead for a referral to your local physical and occupational therapists. These people should be on your speed dial, they are your best friends. I’m sorry if you have reached the point where you have more losses than gains. You lose hair, you lose your waistline, you are less agile, your nest is empty, you forget where you left your coffee cup, and so on and so forth. You are not alone if you feel anxious, frustrated, fearful, angry, bitter, lonely, desperate or depressed. Well gee, that doesn’t give you much to work with, does it? All you can do is get a life. Do stuff. Get out of the house. Take advantage of senior centers and libraries. Go forth and make some new friends. Thumb your noses at the “graceful” thing. Look past your own personal struggles and focus on what you can do, or what you can learn to do. Do something to help the people around you. You have the much-needed knowledge, skills, and wisdom to be of service. Graceful or not, you aren’t finished yet.

Senior to Senior: Technology

You don’t have to be a genius to dip your toes into the digital world. Technology is here to stay, and it can make your life better. We are lucky to be living in a technology driven world. We’ve come a long way, but there is still a little reluctance or downright resistance to new stuff, but seriously, aren’t you just a little bit curious? We know in our hearts that we should try, but sometimes it seems so hard. First time dabblers often rely on children and grandchildren to problem solve for them, but it often means waiting for days, or weeks, for them to have time for you. The thing is, we all need to learn enough to keep lines of communication open. If your kids move away or the grandchildren go off to college, you need to figure things out on our own. First, let us look at why seniors should embrace technology: It’s all about communication. The pandemic really drove home the importance of being linked to the outside world. Our physical world has grown smaller, but the need to keep in touch and to stay informed is ever present. Really. Wouldn’t you like to be able to hear from family and friends, listen to the latest church sermon, take a class, research your ancestry, or exercise with an instructor? You can you know; you can invite the world into your own home. What to do: Don’t let your insecurities keep you in the dark. Tap into the next generation; if you are lucky enough to have grandchildren, you could trade a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies for their expertise. Don’t just ask for help, ask for instruction. Don’t despair if family members are too busy to help you. Seek help elsewhere. The first step is your public library. Second step is your Senior Center. They are there for you. They have books, classes, and tutors. You are not a failure if you need help. Technology is the biggest gift of our modern world. If you adopt and adapt you can enjoy the benefits and the world will be yours.

Senior to Senior: Time Well Spent

When you reach a certain age, you start to reflect on the “what ifs” in your life. Would you, could you, do things differently if you were offered a “do over”? Of course, this isn’t going to happen, but there is still time to pursue a few of your dreams. Given the circumstances, most of us did pretty good. There were more ceilings back then, glass or otherwise, and it took grit and determination, but we are still here. Are you completely satisfied with the choices you made, or does the road not taken still beckon? The years have made us wiser in many respects, but sadder too, and a lot of that sadness has to do with the “would of, should of” moments that we squandered. Time is so precious, if only we had known. We wasted so much time being rebellious, disrespectful, biased, and unreasonable. We should have focused on being better informed, better educated, and more caring. We should have taken better care of ourselves, our families and the environment. All of those “would have, should have” moments have come back to haunt us. Surveys taken reveal that people everywhere regret not listening to or learning from their parents, grandparents. and community leaders. Women lament not learning how to cook, knit, clean or organize their lives from their mothers. Men wish they had learned about auto maintenance, home fix-it, money management, and the importance of a good work ethic from their fathers. You can’t get that time back, but don’t let what you did, or did not do, define who you are now. Use the rest of your time and your wisdom to do something interesting and meaningful. Manage the time you have left, even if you are already old. Take care of yourself and make time for family and friends. Look ahead, but not too far. Focus on what you can do today, and maybe tomorrow. Short term goals. Only you know what really matters to you. So many things to do, so little time. Leap, or creep slowly, into the new year with both feet on the ground. You can’t “do over,” but you “can do” now.

Senior to Senior: Holiday Blues

The holidays are difficult for the oldest of the old. You have pretty much adjusted to living alone during the rest of the year, but holidays are supposed to be festive, aren’t they? What do you do if you have outlived friends, and your family members are far away? You are not alone if thoughts of holiday decorations, family gatherings, and huge meals are just memories of the way things used to be. It’s true that some traditions are falling by the wayside. Sending and receiving Christmas cards, even those dastardly mimeograph form letters, were conspicuously absent this year. A few e-letters made their way it into our in-boxes, but somehow, it wasn’t the same. Today, children live states away instead of on the other side of town, and they may or may not be able to come home. Holidays have suddenly become a time of anxiety, loneliness, stress, and depression. Life has changed and you may not feel like celebrating at all; it’s just another day on the calendar. If you don’t feel like decorating and traveling has just become too hard, holidays blues can become all too real. If you are not clinically depressed, but just feeling a little down, you are not alone. It is okay to keep things simple. You still need people though, so don’t be afraid to share your feelings with likeminded friends. Meet for coffee and treat yourself to a pumpkin spiced latte or a steamed apple cider as you commiserate. Perhaps now is the time to celebrate by reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas, and for preparing yourself “mindfully” for the coming year. Reflect and contemplate your own future and think of ways to enhance your happiness quota as you go forward. Experience enjoyment in the simple things. Talk with friends or visit someone in a care facility. Make new friends. Chances are you do have likeminded people in your life; you just haven’t heard from then in a while. Open yourself up to creating new “traditions.” Life in itself is a gift. Embrace it!

Senior to Senior: Too Much Stuff

It’s fun to read about, or watch movies about, ordinary people stumbling across amazing treasures in the attic. What’s in your attic? Are there treasures up there, or is it filled with dusty relics that you can’t bear to part with? What are you planning on doing with all that stuff? You aren’t a hoarder, or so you say, but if you can’t resist browsing flea markets, souvenir stores, or yard sales, you may be close to crossing the line. You may have figured out by now that nobody, especially your kids, wants your “stuff.” Well, they may think twice if you have Hummel figurines or real Wedgewood China, but otherwise, I don’t think so. If your attic is overflowing, you may have too much stuff. You are not alone here, the notion of saving for a rainy day goes back a long way. You may be saving for the inevitable, or you may just be sentimental. What kind of stuff are you holding on to? Trinkets that you bought at a flea market, souvenir collectables, or items that you bought from the home shopping network? Are they really treasures or are they up there because the idea of cutting back is too daunting. Older folks are more apt to save for sentimental reasons. There is a certain comfort, a sense of familiarity, a continuity, that is associated with the past. Young people, on the other hand, want newer and better “things,” although you are going to hear about it if you threw away their first edition comic books or baseball cards. Your heirs don’t want your “stuff,” and you need to accept that. Do you really want your children to spend weeks culling through your belongings? More than likely, they will hire an estate sale manager to do it for them and it will be strangers going through your “heirloom treasures,” and selling them (gasp) at a yard sale. Looking to the past is not always wonderful, happy, or tender. Let it go; clutter doesn’t create history; memories do.

Senior to Senior: Seniors Play Solitaire

If you like to play cards you probably took umbrage when a certain somebody said it was a waste of time. I had all but given up playing cards in the years before the pandemic, but the waste of time remark prompted me to search out a well-worn deck of cards. One of my favorite books, made into a movie, was about an “older” woman wiling away hours in a prison cell, learning 72 ways to plays to play solitaire. It occupied her time and as it turned out, the microfilm was in the deck of cards. Well, no microfilm in my cards but playing solitaire has always been a great way to relax and calm the mind. I like to think of solitaire as an inexpensive tranquillizer that, while mildly addictive, is not harmful to your health. Some say it is a way to delay dementia because it stimulates the brain. Who am I to argue about that? We learned to play card games and to build houses out of cards; it was quite a fete. Busy work, sure, but remember when we were kids, we didn’t have internet, movies or computer games. All we had and needed was a deck of playing cards. I prefer physical cards and find the exercise of shuffling therapeutic for osteoarthritic hands, but by all means, play a digital version if necessary. Stuck in traffic or on public transportation; crank up your phone or iPad for a digital game. Not quite the same, but it will do. The best part is that you don’t have to round up another person to play with; it is all about you. You won’t always win, and cheating is taboo, but there is always a glimmer of hope that you will prevail. Is it really a waste of time? If you have an anxious mind, and many of us do (always thinking ahead, planning the next event, worrying about everything) solitaire is for you. Solitaire. Just the right level of absorption to let your mind reset. The structure and symmetry, the repetition, and the simplicity, are all soothing to the busy brain. Don’t let anyone shame you into giving up this simple pleasure.

Senior to Senior: Multigenerational Living

Multigenerational Living is back! If the pandemic has done nothing else, it has reaffirmed the idea that family is everything; love trumps all else. Seniors can be difficult though, often adverse to embracing new ideas, but down deep we are better than that. It takes a big person to shake off the past and show a willingness to embrace the future. By now, people everywhere have come to grips with a world that has changed immeasurably. Multi-tasking has taken on a whole new meaning as people struggle to juggle household responsibilities, work, play, health, and being full-time teachers, and all without outside help. Add in worrying about friends and family who are out there on their own. Many have had to swallow their pride and asked family members to move back in with them, or vice versa. The pandemic has accelerated the growth of mutigenerational households and it hasn’t been easy. Whether the concept will last or not is moot, but the responsibilities lie in the hands of everyone involved. Generally speaking, the idea of multigenerational living originated a very long time ago. Originally it was seen as a way to care for elderly parents, but in recent years it has morphed into a whole new ballgame. Children have returned home from college, single parents have moved back home, or whole families have come together because working, caring for children, tutoring, and maintaining a level of sanity has become too much. Life wasn’t supposed to be this hard, or this expensive. Seniors, rather than being the cause of concern, are once again becoming the leaders, as whole families learn to live together again. Much of this started to happened before the pandemic, but the need has become more urgent now. If your kitchen is doubling as an office, or your home gym is set up behind the dining room table, you have already figured some of this out. A multigenerational family needs to be like a beehive, with every single person having the goal of living harmoniously, and contributing to the greater good.

Senior to Senior: Aging in Place

The pandemic has given seniors a serious look at what lies ahead; aging in place versus a retirement community. Retirement resorts have become popular choices for those wanting a “swing singles” lifestyle, but in some cases, new concerns about “too much” proximity is making people have second thoughts. If the idea of rules, regulations, and threats of illness have you feeling a little claustrophobic, now might be the time to examine other options. The main option, of course, is to stay in your own home, although social isolation and lack of transportation may make you wonder if you could hack it. What do you think? If you have found, during these last few months, that you rather enjoy your own company, aging in place might be for you. What are you doing these days? If you are walking your dog every day, working on rediscovered projects, cooking healthy meals, reading the classics, or redecorating/reorganizing your house so that is just the way you like it, you may feel quite content. Many seniors, despite earlier oppositions, have discovered that they are communicating with family and friends now more than ever. New phones, iPads and other “new-fangled gadgets” have brought the world to their fingertips. You may have discovered that being “alone together” is not such a bad thing. Before the pandemic many people wanted to stay in their own homes, but few gave it as much thought as they should. Things to consider if you are going to stay home: • Would you consider wearing a Medic Alert System? • Would you be willing to renovate your home to make it more accessible? • Is public transportation available? • Would you be willing to hire home care if/when required? • Most of all; do you enjoy your own company? During the pandemic your home has become the center of your universe, as well as the safest and most comfortable place to be. Try to think of covid19 as a trial run. There are pluses as well as minuses; after nearly a year of keeping to yourself, you have truly had a taste of what aging in place might be like.