Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Senior Pets

Alone. Alone. Alone. No one to talk to, no one to take care of, no one to greet you when you come home after a day of work, play, or errands. No one to set the tenor or your day. Depression and loneliness can occur at any age, but seniors are more vulnerable than most. Even active seniors spend more time at home than anywhere else. Whether they are depressed or not is an individual conundrum, but it is shameful to waste precious years in a perpetual state of unhappiness. An animal to love might be the answer. Most seniors agree that being needed and having something, or someone, to take care of gives them a sense of purpose. Pet lovers wonder how anyone could get through the day without a “best friend” in their house. People who aren’t pet lovers are just as adamant, feeling they are too old to be responsible for the care and feeding of themselves, much less anyone else. What if the pet outlives you? Granted this is a concern and one not to be taken lightly. Talk with friends, family members, or senior adoption agencies and come up with a plan. You might be surprised to learn that everything from food deliveries, at home veterinary services, dog-walking and rehoming options are available. Being able to care for someone is what we do and what we need. Pet Therapy has been used for years to relieve stress, reduce feelings of loneliness, and even offers physical health benefits. What’s not to love? Of course seniors need to consider their own health and capabilities before committing to the care of a pet. Puppies and kittens are too much, but what about adopting a senior pet. Older pets need just as much love, if not more, and make perfect companions. Welcome a mature companion into your home. They are already housebroken, and their personalities are pretty much set. What you see is what you get. They have outgrown their energetic phase, and will adapt to your needs, whether you want someone to exercise or just someone to hang out with. Friends who have pets seldom complain about depression or loneliness.

Senior to Senior: Grandparents As Teachers

Retirement is great. For many, it is the first chance, in a very long time, that you have time for some real “me time.” That said, once the honeymoon is over, you might find that you want to do something more important than playing bridge or meeting on the golf course. Now is the time to reach out, to find innovative ways to close that generation gap that you have been complaining about. This has nothing to do with providing a home for your adult children or buying expensive gifts to make your presence known. I Children are the future, and being able to help them meet the challenges that they will be facing is not only an obligation but a privilege. Babysitting is nice but it isn’t everything, unless you figure out little ways to sneak in some quality “educational time,” you are just another warm body. You may not have the time, or the energy, to attend all the little league games, or even keep the cookie jar filled, but you can contribute to the intellectual/educational wellbeing of the next generations. Forget about high-tech toys. The greatest gift a grandparent can give is to instill a love of reading. Family members, which includes you, are the first educators in a child’s life and it is good to get involved. Do not send expensive presents and then complain because you didn’t get a thank you note. Think books. Think reading. In this day and age it is possible, even for long-distance grandparents. to connect with young children. Arrange a daily or weekly time to connect and read together via Skype, Zoom or Facetime if necessary. Buy two copies of books, one for them and one for you. Read together. The media promotes merchandise, expensive toys, resources, and interactive screens, but they lose sight of the importance of family interaction. There is nothing more important than encouraging a lifelong love of reading. Time and love are the best gifts you can give a child…. interacting, reciting rhymes, counting, singing, reading, or just talking

Senior to Senior: Ordinary People

After all these years, it is time to admit that being ordinary is okay. You may not be one of the “beautiful people” that the media loves to hype, but you can be a VIP in your own right. We all hate being average. We see others excel in sports, in education, and in high finance, and we wonder why we can’t be good at just one thing. In actuality, we should be satisfied with being good, reasonably well-adjusted people, and enjoy the life we have. Why isn’t just having a nice life good enough? It is time to stop feeling that ordinary means average, mediocre, or dull. Instead, think of ordinary people as the normal ones. Most ordinary people will never be superstars, but they can be good solid citizens. They may not do anything particularly well, but if they combine their talents with others, they can change the world. Seniors are a good example of this because there are so many of them. Seniors collectively have more experience and common sense than any other age group. It matters. Look around you, have you noticed that ordinary people are in the majority? Numbers say it all. Ordinary people using their talents, opportunities, and experiences, can shine as brightly as a single superstar. This is a good thing, because where would society be without the people who work behind the scenes? It takes many players to make up a team. Each team player is important. It is unfortunate that ordinary people have been led to believe that they are second rate because they blend into the background. Never forget that ordinary people make up the backbone of workforces and communities everywhere. It is time for ordinary people to stop seeing themselves as too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat or too poor. They need to see themselves as the loving, caring individual that they are. Ordinary people may not be geniuses or champions, but they are good people who recognize that hard work and small triumphs are in themselves quite extraordinary.

Senior to Senior: Be A Good Neighbor

Being neighborly isn’t what it used to be. Our fast-paced world doesn’t give us much time for the little things, like being a good neighbor. Some people like it that way, but many regret the loss of community. People are nice enough, but the only time they seem to gather is when a snowstorm or other natural disaster occurs. It’s a shame that it takes a disaster to bring out our humanness. In the past, moving into a new community was a big deal. People introduced themselves, brought gifts, hosted barbeques and offered help. There would even be a Welcome Wagon Lady dropping by with information, coupons, and all sorts of goodies. Now, people are always busy, but it isn’t just that…people today tend to isolate. If you are lucky, you may get a wave or a quick hello, but for the most part people keep to themselves. Closed blinds and shut doors do not encourage spontaneous visits. The pandemic didn’t help, but even before that, being neighborly had ceased to be a social norm, it went the way of front porches. Porches were where people sat to watch the world go by and to do neighborly things, like talk. Nowadays porches and decks face the backyard instead of looking out over the street; all you see is a bank of garage doors when you walk by. Yes, things are different these days. Your zucchini bread isn’t welcome because people are either suspicious or on special diets. You must consider that your overtures may not be welcome, and we can’t ignore the fact that people have been shot for ringing the wrong doorbell, or for driving up to a house. What has happened to us? What does it take to be a good neighbor? Basically, all it takes is a big smile, a promise to watch out for one another, an offer of help, a little respect, and some common courtesy. Attend block parties, community cookouts, or other neighborhood events…mingle and form friendships. At the very least, respect everyone’s lifestyle, minimize noise, and keep your pets in check. I think that deep down everyone still wants to be a good neighbor.

Senior to Senior: Sensitivity

Have you written to an advice columnist to complain about thoughtless children and grandchildren lately? You are not alone if you feel slighted; it is rather heartbreaking. What does this say about them? What does it say about you? Professional answers to these questions are often unsatisfactory. They either suggest that it is a byproduct of your own childrearing practices, or that you are just being too judgmental. Rarely do they suggest that perhaps you are a “highly sensitive person.” Being a HSP (highly sensitive person) is a thing, and it is not necessarily a bad thing. HSP is a personality trait. It just means that you more tuned into doing the the “right thing” than others might be. It also suggests that you tend to blow things out of proportion, a little, and that others may not understand where you are coming from. Hypersensitivity leaves you wide open to hurt feeling and a fair amount of inter-personal conflicts. You may have to be the one to “let it go,” but if you understand the fault, no fault, part of the equation it will be easier. Sensitivity is just that; you cry at movies, and you read the last chapter of a book first, because you want to be assured of a happily ever after. You feel things that others may not understand. The positive aspects to being highly sensitive is that you truly do have the capacity to understand people and situations. These are good qualities; qualities that made you good therapists, teachers, coaches, artists and best friends. The downside is that you may be easily stressed and just too sensitive for words. Recognize your sensitivity. Talk to a therapist or seek supportive friends. Try not to take everything personally and try to understand those who aren’t as intuitive as you are. You might as well stop fussing and recognize that your children/grandchildren don’t perceive the world the same way you do. Have you tried including a self-addressed stamped postcard with little boxes for them to check, or can you accept that a smiley faced emoji says it all.

Senior to Senior: Technology

You don’t have to be a genius to dip your toes into the digital world. Technology is here to stay, and it can make your life better. We are so lucky to be living in a technology driven world. We’ve come a long way, but there is still a little reluctance or downright resistance to new stuff, but seriously, aren’t you just a little bit curious? We know in our hearts that we should make an effort, but sometimes it seems so hard. First time dabblers often rely on children and grandchildren to problem solve for them, but it often means waiting for days, or weeks, for them to have time for you. The thing is, we all need to learn enough to keep lines of communication open. If your kids move away or the grandchildren are off to college, you need to figure things out on our own. First of all, let's look at why seniors should embrace technology. Communication, of course, is first and foremost. The pandemic really drove home the importance of being linked to the outside world. Our physical world has grown smaller, but the need to keep in touch and to stay informed is ever present. Really. Wouldn’t you like to be able to hear from family and friends, listen to the latest church sermon, take a class, form a support group, or exercise with an instructor? You can you know; you can invite the world into your own home. What to do: Don’t let your insecurities keep you in the dark. Tap into the next generation; if you are lucky enough to have grandchildren you could trade a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies for their expertise. Don’t just ask for help, ask for instruction. Don’t despair if family members are too busy to help you. Seek help elsewhere. The first step is your public library. Second step is your Senior Center. They are there for you. They have books, classes, and tutors. You are not a failure if you need help. Technology is the biggest gift of our modern world. If you adopt and adapt to all of the benefits, the world is yours.

Senior to Senior: Teach a Child to Read

Is education taking a nosedive? Evidence is piling up, again, and not in a good way. While everyone is aware that reading is the key to educational success, the problem isn’t being addressed. Studies indicate that we are dropping the ball. Too many children in the United States are not getting effective reading instruction. Blame the pandemic if you want, but the problem starts a little closer to home. It is time for parents and grandparents to step up. Parents don’t want Grandparents to interfere, and Grandparents want to enjoy their retirement, but at what cost? Teachers cannot do it alone, especially if parents and educators are at war. If the school system in your state is ranked near the bottom of the educational heap, it’s true that you need to rise up and make your feelings known, but don’t let your child suffer in the meantime. It really does take a village to educate a child. Parents, grandparents, and educators need to tap into every resource available to right this grievous wrong. It is heart breaking to hear adults say that they don’t like to read. Is it that they don’t like to read, or is it that they just don’t understand how important is? Stop being too “busy” to read with your children, to supervise their homework, or notice if and when they might be struggling. Grandparents to the rescue; quality time should not be about expensive gifts, smart phones, babysitting or acting as chauffeurs. Reading is the best way to bond with a child. If you read to children at home, they are more apt to be comfortable when they start school. Start early. Use story time to engage with your children. Gift them with books; cloth books, paperback books, electronic books, comic books or graphic novels, whatever it takes to ignite their passion. Don’t wait until your child starts school and expect someone else to pick up the slack. Children who read outside the classroom develop the tools to support learning throughout their lives. If you don’t have a child or grandchild of your own, volunteer. Please volunteer. Local schools and libraries need you. Teach a child to read and you have given them the world.

Senior to Senior: Valentine's Day

What are you doing on Valentine’s Day? It’s a day, a whole month for that matter, that focuses on love. Not a bad idea actually, but it needs to go beyond chocolates, flowers, candles, and date nights. Love is a bigger than that; a multifaceted enigma that starts and ends with you. Factor self-love and self-care into the picture. Remind yourselves that you don’t need to rely on others for self-affirmation. That’s a lot of “selves,” but the buck starts and stops with you. Yes, it’s a big task, and no one knows that better a senior. Older people really have “been there, done that, and seen it all,” but you are not alone if you still need to be reminded that you are worthy of love. Many seniors, maybe all of them, are still “old school.” We were brought up to believe that we were never quite good enough. After all these years we still hear those exact words rattling around in our heads; they have made us our own worst enemies. If you think, really think, that you aren’t rich enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty/handsome enough, or funny enough to be accepted on your own merits, you will remain on that downward spiral. We can all do better than that. Stop looking at social media or ridiculous magazine articles for self-affirmation. Look inward; pray, meditate or read self-help books. Learn how to appreciate who and what you are. Not sure where to start? Give yourself a pat on the pack. Think positive thoughts. Improve, to the best of your ability, what you can, and learn how to love and accept what you can’t. Take loving care of yourself and move on. Spend Valentine’s Day thinking of ways to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. It isn’t too late. You don’t have to score the winning touchdown or become a CEO to be a good neighbor, a good citizen, or a good grandparent. Love yourself first and the rest will follow.

Senior to Senior: Your Personality

Are you tired of being the neighborhood crank? Do you feel that you are bound by history, and that your inherited personality traits are carved in stone? Interesting questions. For a long time, we were taught, or came to believe, that we had no control over our personality traits. We are who we are. It’s true, we do have genetic parameters, but if you were a lump of clay, would you rather be a mud puddle, or something formed into an exquisite sculpture? Is it too late for you? After all, if you believe that you have no control over your “inner curmudgeon,” you don’t have to make an effort to change. It’s up to you. New data reveals that you can change, or at least alter, a few of your “less desirable” personality traits. It's not going to happen overnight, and you are going to have to make an effort. Start small, the experts say; focus on one little thing that you would like to change. Are you the person who is always late? Do you live in your own head and exclude social niceties? Should other people always have to make allowances for your behavior? Be brave enough to experiment. Set your internal alarm a little earlier and reward yourself for getting places on time. The head thing; be a little more outgoing. Look to a role model and try copying their behavior. My husband, for example, is an extrovert, he knows the name and the social history of everyone he meets, within minutes. Me, the introvert, might smile and wave, but will continue on my way. Unfriendly, not necessarily, but often lost in my own head. Do I wish I could change this introverted personality trait? You betcha, but it isn’t as easy as you might think. It takes practice. Try keeping a log. Track your progress. Record how people respond to the new you and see how it makes you feel. So, are you ready to stop being the neighborhood curmudgeon? Can you arrive on time. Can you call the checkout lady at the store by name or ask about her family? Smile more. You will be glad you did.

Senior to Senior: Self-expression

Have you ever read, or written, a letter that was so good that it made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Expressing how you feel in writing, or in real life, is not as easy as one might suppose. You are not alone if you struggle with self-expression. It is human nature to keep innermost feelings private, but in the interest of communication, it is important to free yourself up on occasion. Self-expression takes practice and a good way to do that is by keeping a journal, or at the very least becoming a better letter writer. Practice. Try writing down the events of your day, but with a little more feeling than usual. Emotions, after all, make your world colorful versus black and white. Therapists will ask you “how does that make you feel?” or “how do you feel about that?” They aren’t being nosey. They are trying to make you think about, and express, the very things that make your life meaningful. Remember that letter? Make a copy of it. Paste it in your journal. It can be page one in this, your grown-up version, of a teenage diary. Find a quiet safe place, sit down, and write something. Anything will do. No erasing, no crossing out, just plain unadulterated scrawl. Bottling up your emotions or suppressing your feelings is not good for you; a psychologists would have a field day with this type of behavior. You don’t necessarily need a therapist, although it would be nice if we all had someone to talk to, but you do need to “feel.” Journaling or letter writing can be your first foray into the world of “sharing” how you feel about day-to-day activities. Before long, your friends will be saving your letters to read and enjoy over and over again. Recording your thoughts, feelings, ideas, and reflections make everyday happenings come alive. Your musings don’t have to be perfect (your friend or your journal won’t mind); the warmth of friendly communication Is what really matters. Your life is not boring, only the way you communicate it is. Share a little bit of yourself.

Senior to Senior: Texting Grandparents

There is a reason why advice columnists get bombarded with questions about the intergenerational communication gap. When we grew up letter writing was how we communicated. A letter could reach us in a matter of weeks, even days, from anywhere in the world. It’s no wonder that grandparents today feel neglected when letters and gifts aren’t acknowledged, but the fault is not all one sided. Mail crossing the ocean on ships or even the Pony Express were all part of our history, but we need to acknowledge the new “pony” in the room. Methods of communication have changed. It makes me sad when I hear seniors reject change. They not only hurt themselves but their family members as well. We need to do better, if we don’t want to continue alienating ourselves from family and friends. It is time to embrace new ideas. Advice columnists are no longer offering sympathy and pats on the back, but instead are suggesting that the Grands need to make some concessions. It’s time for seniors to let go of their feelings of resentment and hurt and try to figure it all out. Senior citizens, as a group, are often on the negative side of the “digital divide.” Because of the way we were brought up, we are not inherently, dependent on the internet, but it is here to stay. To stay connected with children and grandchildren it will be necessary to keep up. Families today are busy in ways that we can only imagine. They literally don’t have time to sit down and write a letter or engage in lengthy phone conversations. It’s a shame, because they are missing out on something really lovely, but it is what it is. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care. Reach out. Learn how to e-mail and text. Grandparents who are on-line, which is now about 53% of people over 65, can have it all. Living apart doesn’t have to be lonely. Sign up for a class at the library or your Senior Center and learn how to use your new phone or other digital devices. Keep in touch.