Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Talking to Strangers

Once again, researchers are doing studies on a subject that to us “older folks” is common knowledge. They could have just asked us. We might not have used words like “psychological benefits,” but we’ve always known that talking to strangers is a civilized thing to do. When we grew up, we knew everyone in the neighborhood, and everyone in the neighborhood knew us. The word stranger wasn’t even in our vocabulary, but times have changed. Our children and our children’s children have been cautioned, practically since birth, not to talk to strangers. Not talking to strangers morphed into avoiding contact and being careful not to invade anyone’s “personal space,” and this was before cell phone relationships even existed. Researchers are now studying what this current level of social isolation means. The Wall Street Journal ran an article the other day (Monday, May 13th) by Elizabeth Bernstein. The author talked about importance, and the benefits, of interacting with people outside of your immediate social circle. Our children, at one time or another, have all told us that we embarrassed them when we talked to strangers. I hope you ignored them and went on being your old friendly selves. We don’t need researches to tell us, although that is exactly what they are doing, that talking to strangers improves everyday experiences. Studies show that insignificant interactions, like giving a complement or asking a cashier how there day is going, is good for us. You both get a little jolt of happiness even though you are strangers and may never see one another again. Lifting your head and engaging with the person standing next to you is worth the effort. People are happier when they connect with others. Do a little study on your own. You are surrounded by strangers every time you walk down the street. When you exchange a word, a smile or a compliment, you are reaching out. You are sending a message that says you are recognizing each other’s humanity, without making any demands on their time or yours. Cool huh.

Senior to Senior: Pets for Seniors

Pets are great fun. Studies indicate that pet ownership is actually a good thing, and age has nothing to do with it. Once a pet lover always a pet lover. Seniors love warmth and companionship as much as anyone, but when they reach a certain age they may wonder if the responsibility is too much. It’s a valid concern, but with a little bit of planning they can provide a home for a deserving pet, and enhance their own lives at the same time. Seniors are wise enough not to take on a pet with longevity issues, like a parrot, but it is pretty hard to resist cats and dogs. Puppies and kittens are irresistible and they make you laugh, but be realistic. If you adopt a youngster you need to come up with a contingency plan. Consider transportation to pet stores and veterinarians, as well as someone to care for them if something should happen to you. A young pet is invigorating but sometimes it is that vigor that trips you up. Did you know that 86,000 people in the United States end up in the Emergency Room every year because of falls caused by pets? People often fall while walking pets, chasing them, being knocked off balance by them or tripping over them. If that sobering thought deters you, consider adopting an older pet. Think of a pet that is already trained, doesn’t chew or scratch, and is content with a stroll instead of an aerobic workout. All it takes is a little care and a little mindfulness: • Seriously consider obedience training • Take evening walks before dark • Wear sturdy shoes • Be mindful; don’t let yourself be distracted • Watch for anything that might attract your pet’s attention Most of these suggestions are in reference in dogs, but cats can get underfoot, escape, or get into fights so vigilance is important with them too. Does that mean you should forget about having a pet? Not necessarily, the benefits still outweigh the risks and of all the fall related injuries reported, pet related ones only account for about one percent. Share your love.

Senior to Senior: Travel

The Second Time Around Retirement and travel go together. You finally have time to visit, or revisit, places that you have been dreaming about for years. It is great fun at first, but often too exhausting to be fully appreciated. After a few trips you may be rethinking the whole idea; simple activities like carrying luggage, walking long distances, and uncomfortable flights may be causing you to have second thoughts. Don’t give up. You can still travel even if your “get up and go” is telling you otherwise. You may have to forget about lengthy walking tours or whitewater rafting adventures, but you can still enjoy all that man and nature have to offer. If you plan your trips well in advance you can figure out how to overcome most obstacles. Package tours, for example, will take care of sightseeing, luggage transfers and searching out suitable accommodations. What could be easier than that? So, plan ahead, know your capabilities, and know what you want to see and do. Other than a cruise, where you don’t have to anything more strenuous than stand in the check-in line, you might find shorter trips are more to your liking. There are any number of beautiful and historic sites readily accessible by bus, train, or automobile. We revisited the Grand Canyon a few weeks ago. No, we didn’t do a mule ride this time, but the guided bus tours were excellent, and we found ourselves seeing things that we missed 50 years ago, when we rushed through on our way to somewhere else. You can still enjoy natural wonders and historic landmarks if you pace yourself: • Get out of the car or bus and stretch whenever the opportunity arises. • Don’t skip meals. Eat well, drink plenty of fluids, and get enough rest. • Plan ahead and take advantage of educational opportunities. • Keep luggage to a minimum and use lightweight bags with wheels. • Keep any medications you might need on your person. If you plan ahead you will find that travel, as a senior, is better than ever. There’s something to be said about the second time around.

Senior to Senior: Simplify Your Life

Seniors often say that they are busier now than when they were working. I’m never quite sure if they are bragging or complaining, but it does seem that time flies by faster than it used to. A certain urgency weighs heavily on all of our minds. Things to do and places to go, but time flies, and it gets harder and harder to fit everything in. What’s the best way to keep from spinning your wheels? When you had small children in the house and you worked full time, you had to be super organized. Forget about the “I’m retired” mindset and learn how to reorganize your life again. If you play your cards right you can still find time to “have it all.” • Accept that you are older. • Accept that you no longer have unlimited energy. • Accept that you need to regroup. Figure out how to save time and eliminate stress. Anything and everything that you can do to save time will buy you more time. Redefine what is important. What was absolutely necessary yesterday may not be so significant today. Let it go. Housework and spring cleaning come to mind. Learn to stop stressing, nobody cares. Keep up the best you can, but stop comparing yourself to others. Use methods like flylady.com, to learn simple ways to cope and move on. Don’t spend hours obsessing when you could be volunteering, painting, writing, studying or traveling. Be willing to delegate; for the price you used to pay for those $5 lattes, you can have a cleaning service come in once or twice a month. Use the dishwasher that has been setting unused in the corner of your kitchen. Take advantage of delivery services, unless shopping is your passion. Time is what we are talking about here; your time. “Your time” is more important than ever. Use it to catch up on correspondence, take a class, volunteer an hour or two of your time, or take your granddaughter out for lunch. Do what you love, get some exercise, and simplify your life. Being “busy” isn’t everything.

Senior to Senior: Forgiveness and Longevity

Dwelling on past failures, disappointments and perceived slights is bad for your health. Advice columnists field questions about family and work dynamics every day, and most of them deal with wounded feelings, grudges, anger, and perceived slights. Psychologists, pastors, advice columnists, and medical researchers all agree that anger and resent are bad for your health and well-being, and may indeed shorten your life. Anger and resentment are perfectly natural; it is the way humans react to real or perceived injustice. Unfortunately, this fight or flight reaction makes them vulnerable to chronic anxiety, serious depression, general distrust, poor self-esteem, and the sense of hopelessness that makes them miserable. Forgiveness, it seems, is a really big deal. Forgiveness is not always about reconciling or pardoning someone because of a perceived wrong, but about whether or not you are able to let it go. Forgiveness is personal; it is an intellectual decision to give up being angry and moving on. You may be wondering what forgiveness has to do with happiness and longevity, but your body knows. Physiologically speaking, hanging on to anger and resentment triggers stress hormones. Stress, as you already know, increases the chance of heart attacks, cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a host of other chronic illnesses. Forgiveness isn’t all that easy. If it were you wouldn’t find so many people seeking professional help. The advice is pretty much the same whether you attend counseling sessions, read self-help books, attend support groups, or write to advice columnists. They all have you start by: • Acknowledging your anger • Deciding you want to forgive the slight. • Changing the way you perceive the situation. • Offering an apology and moving on There be more steps but the ball is in your court. Hostility is not good for you. Forgiveness is essential for healthy living. Allow yourself to be a better person; exchange your anger, bitterness, hatred and depression for joy, peace and freedom.

Senior Living: Kindness and Longevity

Diet, exercise and socialization pave the way to a long and healthy life, but researchers are now saying that “happiness” plays an equally important role, and it is a lot more fun. Last week we touched on the importance of goal setting; why people are happiest when they have a reason to get up every morning, but is that enough? Keeping busy (having a goal) is important, but you aren’t off the hook yet. Your assignment for this week is to practice being kind, both to yourself and to others. Being kind isn’t all that hard, but you may need to give it a little thought. Don’t be intimidated. You don’t have to be faster than a speeding bullet or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound to show that you care. What does this have to do with longevity? Researchers assure us that engaging in little acts of kindness actually make you “feel good,” and all without costing you a thing. If “feeling good” isn’t scientific enough for you we can talk about how the body releases dopamine, a natural mood elevator, and endorphins, which contribute to a natural sense of well-being. With dopamine and endorphins on board you are ready to focus on the rest of your life. Squelch feelings such as fear, anxiety, sadness, depression, anger and hostility and do something nice. An act of kindness can go so far as to reduce stresses, lift emotions, and decreases negative feelings. Simple acts of kindness: • Let someone go ahead of you in line • Hold the door for someone, and smile. • Let a car merge ahead. • Pick up trash at a park or playground. • Send a card or e-mail just to say hello. • Volunteer time or goods to local charities. Yes, the verdict is in; being kind is good for everyone involved. Extending the holiday spirit throughout the year may well be the easiest way to improve your health. Living a long and happy life is indeed a bonus.

Senior Living: Happiness and Longevity

Longevity is in the news again, but what does it all mean. You’ve probably discovered by now that old age is catching up with you, even if you have played by all the rules. A healthy diet, exercise, plenty of rest, and social engagements have stood you in good stead, but researchers now tell us that it is not enough. The real key to longevity, they say, is “happiness.” That sounds easy enough, but is it? What if you are not a “feel good” happy kind of person. Does that mean that you can’t have a few more good years? Is it possible to learn how to be happy? Psychologist say that the odds are in our favor. Odds sounds a lot like math, but then numbers are something that we can all understand. Researchers suggest that 50% of our ability to be happy is genetically determined, 10% is governed by what is going on in our lives, and the rest is up to us. We are gifted with a 40% chance of making significant changes in our lives. Happy people enjoy the company of others and they enjoy setting “happiness goals.” Happiness is thought to encompass one’s ability to be grateful, forgiving, kind, optimistic and resilient. Big words that sound a lot like work, but we have time. Start by setting some goals. Think of goal setting as making a big to-do list. Goal setting, after all, is the best way to come up with a plan. A plan for today, a plan for the week, for the month, for the year and for a lifetime. You may think that you are too old to have goals, but give it some thought: • Goals setting is a sign that you have control over your life. • Goal setting gives structure and meaning to your life. • Goal setting stimulates your mind. Having goals serves as a reminder that you can still learn, contribute, and share. It is never too late to be a better and a happier person. Consider it a plus if it helps you live longer.

Senior Living: Smile

Electronic gadgets have made it easier to communicate, but they have robbed us of what I like to call the “human touch.” Somewhere along the line we have lost the ability to make contact with real flesh and blood people. When was the last time you smiled at a stranger? We can’t blame seniors for this, but they aren’t as helpful as they could be. Seniors are hardly ever portrayed as happy smiling individuals, which could be the reason why movies like Grumpy Old Men are so popular. When did people start losing touch? Did it happen all at once or did it happen gradually? When did being self-absorbed and aloof become the norm? Is it that people are too busy or too preoccupied to make the effort, or are they afraid that their smile won’t be returned? It could just be that they are just shy, or that a rebuff might remind them of what they have lost; small-town friendliness. Think of a smile as paying your good cheer forward. Put a smile on your face when you wake up, and keep on smiling throughout the day. Think about it; you might make a new friend or cheer up a sad soul. Experiment a little. Smile at the first 10 people you meet today and see what happens. It doesn’t have to be a big toothy smile, just a little upward curve of your lips will do. Don’t be afraid. What’s the worst that could happen? If they don’t smile back or if they give you a weird look, that’s their problem not yours. Why anyone want to walk around with an unpleasant negative frown when, with a little bit of effort, they could look pleasant and approachable. Who is the weird one now? A smile is universal. It costs nothing and it takes only a few minutes. Say hello to people that you pass on the street, in the hall at work, or to the neighbor working in his yard. Be a role model; teach your grandkids the importance of a smile.

Senior Living: Dealing With Holiday Blues

If binge-watching warm fuzzy movies doesn’t do the trick, you might need to think of other “feel good” pursuits to help you navigate the holidays. You are not alone if you have mixed feeling about the holidays, but at least give yourself a chance. People smile more, give more, and interact with others more often during the holidays, and we all need that. Don’t let the holiday doldrums keep you from spreading a little joy. It’s true, family activities and community expectations can be overwhelming, but take a deep breath and take it all in. Decide if it worse to feel pressured because you have “too much” to do, or to be depressed because you are all alone and don’t have enough to do? You too can get through the holidays with your sanity intact: • Plan ahead. Be realistic about what you want to accomplish before the holidays arrive. Those hit the hardest are the classic last-minute shoppers and those who volunteer to do too much. • Take care of yourself. It isn’t good to isolate yourself but don’t shop or party until you drop either. Indulge yourself. Treat yourself to a massage or have one of those delicious hot steamed apple cider drinks only available this time of year. • Don’t over extend yourself. Parcel out your moments when it comes to how much time you can spend on decorating, shopping, baking, PTA responsibilities, sending cards or attending or hosting parties. • Take advantage of social opportunities even if you don’t feel like it. If partying isn’t your cup of tea, and it isn’t everyone’s, invite others to come to you. If you live alone volunteer to help out at your church or community center. Recognize that it may be time to let some holiday responsibilities go. You want to stay in the loop, but be realistic about what you can or cannot do. Give yourself time to smile more, give more and interact with others more.

Senior Living: Holiday Spirit

Where is your holiday spirit? Surely there is something, whether you admit it or not, that gives you a warm fuzzy feeling. What is your special something? Christmas carols, holiday decorations, tree lighting ceremonies, gingerbread houses, holiday parties, or an open invitation to shop until you drop, you name it. My special something is the countdown to Christmas movies on television. Until recently I felt a little sheepish about admitting how much I enjoyed them. I always thought of them as my “guilty little secret,” until I discovered that I was not alone. I was quite pleased when I read an article in the Wall Street Journal by Katherine Bindley on Friday, November 30, 2018. It seems my little secret is shared by millions of other fans. During the holidays, we all want to feel that certain something. It explains why audiences gravitate toward feel-good, family friendly stories about nice people finding their happily ever after. In an age when movies and television series often deal with the darker and edgier side of life, it is nice to find that “feel good” movies still have a place in our jaded culture. You might be surprised to learn how many people, now that they are out of the closet so to speak, admit to binge watching holiday themed movies. The stories are predictable but in a nice way; the characters are clean cut, educated, nice, ordinary people. They go to church and they help other people; just regular folks. Predictable yes, but in a nice way. At times stories about event planners and cookie cutter contests get a little tiresome, but then they come up with something really special like The Veteran’s Christmas or I’ll Be Home for Christmas, and I get hooked all over again. If you need something to get you in the spirit of things, make yourself a cup of hot chocolate (from scratch not from a package) and binge watch a few dozen warm fuzzy holiday movies. Unlike twenty-four a day news coverage and stories about bombings and terrorists you can truly sit back and decompress.