Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Physical Distancing

Are the days of hugs, handshakes, sports venues and busy city sidewalks over? Social distancing/physical distancing are the buzz words of the twenty-first century; what a difference they have made in the lives of people everywhere. You may not have realized it, but you were likely practicing a form of physical distancing long before it became mandated. Whether physical distancing is a personal decision or a mandated health decision is irrelevant now. It is what it is, and it is more important than ever to a see it as a “safety measure” instead of as an infringement on rights. The pandemic is not over, and it will likely get worse before it gets better. Your job is to look at the bright side and do your part. What is the difference between mandated physical distancing and “give me some space”? The difference is pretty much between “want to” and “have to.” There has to be a plus side, right? • I mean did you really enjoy jostling shoulder to shoulder when walking on a busy sidewalk? • Can you appreciate not having to dodge around people visiting or talking on their phones in the aisles of a grocery store? • Have you missed the harassment of being groped or propositioned when using public transportation, or when getting a drink at a bar? • Have you missed having to hold on to your backpack, or clutch your purse under your arm to avoid pickpockets? • Have you missed having to cradle your drink in both hands when weaving through foot traffic? Physical distancing doesn’t sound as drastic social distancing. After all, you can still “socialize” using phones and computers. A quick review: • Avoid crowded places and gatherings where it may be difficult to stay at least 6 feet away from others. • Wash your hands regularly • Wear a face covering • Stay home if you, or a member of your household, are ill or have tested positive. • Be respectful of others, especially the vulnerable people in your life. Enjoy your new found “personal space” and learn how to appreciate everything that is still beautiful in your life.

Senior to Senior: Armchair Travel

If you have traveled at all you know that the desire to study, explore, and see for yourself, never grows old. If you had to cancel vacation plans this year, or are sad because your retirement plans have been put on hold, it may be time to explore some new options. Travel is limited right now but the desire to see and appreciate our world is stronger than ever. Start planning your next trip right now. Planning the perfect vacation is half the fun, and you can still do that, but don’t limit yourself. Getting older puts a whole new spin on traveling, and it happened before the coronavirus came to call. We have all had to shift our ideals. Hiking through the Alps or bicycling through Europe may no longer be an option, but you can still drink in the beauty of it all. During uncertain times you may be wondering if you be able to revisit favorite places or take a real vacation again. Think positive thoughts, but in the meantime, let arm chair travel come to the rescue. Seriously, the only way to travel right now is from your living room. I’ve watch so many PBS Mysteries lately that driving on the “wrong” side had started to look quite normal. Pick a country. Immerse yourself. Learn how to speak a few words of the language, cook a meal (alright, order out from an ethnic restaurant), listen to native music, learn a folk dance, drink the wine, and appreciate the art. The internet age has made it possible to visit places that you thought you would never see. Armchair travel is a real thing; it is sharing another’s experiences by reading, hearing or viewing. Start by contacting a reference librarian to find books, movies, and documentaries about the country of your choice. Ask for help to access YouTube and other venues that can zoom you away to faraway places. I hate to use the phrase “time is running out.” but it could very well be. Explore this wonderful, exciting and beautiful world while you still can.

Senior to Senior: Share Your Space

Do you agree, or does it make you sad, when you read letters to advice columnists from people complaining that their in-laws are too intrusive? Even worse, what would you do if your spouse actually likes his/her parents and plans to have them live with you if/when the time comes? Are you reluctant to share your “space”? Having your own space used to be a big deal, but what about now? Are you one of those fussing because an in-law pops in unannounced, or have you started to recognize that loneliness can hit hard at any age? For years you may have thought that your immediate family and perhaps a few superficial friends were enough, but then the pandemic came along. No problem, you thought, at least at first, because you finally had the space you had been dreaming about. By now you may have noticed that “space” isn’t all it is cracked up to be. A drop in visit from a mother-in-law or an old friend would be lovely, and even the thought of a granny flat would be better than being alone. The pandemic is changing the way we are think about multigenerational inclusion. Just the thought that you might never see members of your own family again is almost unthinkable. Times have changed and multigenerational households could very well be the “new normal.” Children are attending classes from home, the jobless are banding together for support, and family is becoming important again. If you have spent too much time cultivating “your own space” you may find life quite challenging now. If nothing else the pandemic has taught us all that we need each other It may be time to allow lonely in-laws back into your life. Having someone nearby who loves you unconditionally, is willing to help you out no matter what, and is known to be virus free, can be priceless. Sharing the cost of housing, food, transportation, and other responsibilities can make a difference. You can make a difference.

Senior to Senior: The Reality of Getting Old

You spend the first twenty years of your life looking forward to getting older. The second twenty years , for the most part, are really good, although you may not appreciate them at the time. Then, all too soon the inevitable happens; you start to get old. You are not alone if the pandemic has speeded up your thought processes about all this. The years when you felt invincible have come and gone, and you have gotten older despite your efforts. Eighty is not the new 60. Like it or not, you are now one of the “vulnerable elderly” that other people talk about. Researchers who have studied aging had made some good points, but even if you followed all of the guidelines, “it” is still going to happen. Whether or not you are prepared for “it” is up to you. The years between 60 and 90 may be filled with exciting possibilities, but they can be fraught with physical and mental frailties. Deal with it: • Society could care less about you. No matter how successful you “were,” as you age you are just another “old” man or “old” woman. • You have to learn to live with a variety of ailments. Being healthy becomes a full-time job. • You will be paying for past indiscretions. Researchers talk a lot about “successful aging,” but the facts are in; the older you get, the more difficult life becomes. • The key is to learn how to cope with the changes that occur, while striving to remain the same person you have always been. • Leave nothing for later. Do everything you can, right now. • The best moments, the best experiences, the best friends, the best family, the best day, are today. • Stop whining, stop complaining, and do whatever it takes to make your life better. You have to experience aging to truly understand it; the only way you can avoid “getting old” is by checking out before you get there. Cosmetic surgery, tons of exercise, and a Mediterranean diet will make you look and feel better longer, but aging and other “natural disasters” are here to stay.

Senior to Senior: Cut Yourself Some Slack

People are often highly critical of themselves, and as a result their own worst enemies. It’s true of all of us; seniors are no exception. Old people remain proud and critical of themselves, and often to their own detriment. It makes their children, medical professionals, and social workers tear out their hair, but it is what it is. Age doesn’t protect you from yourself. Call it “stubbornness” or just plain “set in your ways,” but it boils down to the same thing. You expect the impossible of yourself. Accept that you get tired, and that you have more aches and pains than you used to. It is time to look for ways to make life easier instead of more difficult. Learning how to be kind to yourself is the first step. Being kind to others, as well as to yourself, is good for your health and wellbeing. The key, of course, is learning how to cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to be old to do this, but age is a lovely excuse. Stop feeling guilty if you need to slow down. No apologies necessary; others will recognize and understand this long before you do. It’s okay if you need to sit out one volunteer activity, do the laundry on Friday instead of Monday, or cancel a luncheon engagement. Be kind to yourself: • Don’t forget to take time for yourself; time to relax or to do something you really want to do. • Pat yourself on the back if you finish a chore or complete an assignment. • Let go of past wrongs and grievances. Forgive others and even more important, forgive yourself. • Accept your limitations. If you can’t jog anymore; try walking. If you can’t work full time; turn to part-time or pursue other interests. Stop trying to be perfect; perfection is not only unattainable but vastly overrated. Do what you can, and accept that it is good enough. You may never be as strong or as focused as you used to be, but you are still the same person, and a really great one at that.

Senior to Senior: Social Distancing and the Senior

Social distancing isn’t new. Seniors have been falling victim to social distancing for years. Scattered family members, busy lives, transportation problems, and the physical challenges of aging have all contributed to this sense of separation. You may think seniors isolate by choice, but it is often more a matter of circumstances. Researchers all seem to agree that isolating is detrimental to good health and well-being. Now, thanks to the pandemic, we are giving social distancing, in all of its forms, a great deal more thought. Something good may come out of this yet. Today, it isn’t only seniors who are in distress; entire support systems are discovering what isolation is all about. As outside contacts dwindle, it is apparent that communication is more important than ever. Even the most resistant seniors will soon be forced to reconsider; do they want to be totally alone or do they want to reconnect with their families? It is time for families and communities to figure out what they can do to make it easier to stay in touch. Most seniors, 70% I understand, have at least a passing acquaintance with one form of communication device or another. Now may be the time to improve on those statistics by gently introducing older family members to the world of digital technology. How can you do this? • Purchase the simplest devices that you can find. Avoid using “techy” words, write down directions, and have them practice, practice, practice. • Put together an easy to read list of contact numbers (friends, neighbors, family members, and professional acquaintances). • Expand cell phone usage to include FaceTime or Skype. Show them how seeing a friend’s face gives a sense of connection above and beyond a voice message. Social distancing? I don’t think so. This could truly be the time to get to know those who are important to you. Make it easy. Brief contacts over the course of a day; a quick call, text, picture or video chat to ask a question or share a funny story all serve as ways to stay connected in the best possible way.

Senior to Senior: The New Daily Planner

Don’t have a Daily Planner? You do, but you may not know it by that name. You probably remember it as a calendar posted conspicuously on the refrigerator door, or a scrap of paper with an old-fashioned to-do list. Regardless, it helped you get through the day without forgetting the “important stuff.” The daily planner evolved into a sophisticated tool, meant to give order to an otherwise chaotic life, but retirement and/or the virus changed everything. Does this mean you no longer have things to keep track of? Quite the contrary; the Daily Planners is back. The organized, and the not so organized, are finding that they still need plans; something that they can control. There is always something to plan. House work, meal planning, tutorials, homework to supervise, health issues, and down time. To that, add hobbies, special projects, on-line shopping, and a plethora of other daily obligations. Things to do. Daily planners still prove to be effective, as well as motivating, if done the right way: • Single versus multiple planners: some people like to keep separate planners for each facet of their lives, while others swear by the ease of using one. • Consistency: It is called a daily planner for a reason. Be consistent. Keep it (them) where you can see it one hundred times a day (the refrigerator wasn’t a bad idea). • Write everything down: appointments, events, home and work projects, dinners or anything else that is important. • Cross off each accomplishment upon completion; bask in the feeling of a job well done. Be realistic. If you put more items on your list than you can realistically accomplish you are setting yourself up for failure. Give plenty of thought to the time needed to complete each task. Knowing what you want to do is a reminder that each minute counts. Completing each assignment can be fun as well as satisfying. Be a kid again. Give yourself a gold star for a job well done. Keep in mind that each day is important and there are no unimportant tasks.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Student

You have a list of things to do, but you are three months into this “stay at home” thing, and you haven’t started any of them. What seems to be the problem? Whether you have been “thinking” about learning how to knit, thinking about writing your memoirs, thinking about learning another language, or just thinking about thinking, you are overdue. What’s keeping you from getting started? I hope your old “perfectionist self” hasn’t stepped in to ruin your plans. I’m talking about the same excuses you’ve been using for years: “I don’t know where to start,” “I’m too old,” “I’m going to fail,” “If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to try,” and of course “what’s the point?” Learn something new. It is never too late to challenge yourself. Experts say that stimulating the brain is good for you. Explore new ideas: • If you aren’t a high school graduate; study for your GED • If you have always wanted to get a degree, now is the time. On-line classes make school available for everyone. • Consider tutorials or YouTube Videos to learn something new. Look at your list again: • Recognize that you can’t do them all. Pick one. • Order everything you will need from a store that delivers or on-line. • Get a big desk calendar and block off work periods. • Get up, get dressed, have breakfast, and get busy. Call a friend and ask if they would like to be an accountability partner. They are probably staring at their “want to do list” too. Think of this as your time: • Work on your project when you are at your best. You know if you are a morning person or a night owl. • No distractions; let phone calls go to voice mail and do not check your e-mail. • Set a timer and stay on task. Little bites. One language lesson, knit once inch, write 500 words or do step one of your tutorials. Reward your efforts. Allow yourself to enjoy the process. Do not worry if your participles dangle or if your stitches are too tight. Call your friend and gloat a little.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Cook

Somewhere along the line our generation forgot how to cook. What happened? We worked, we embraced physical fitness, and we carpooled. The days and the years slipped away. It didn’t help that we blanched at the sight of recipes calling for real butter or heavy cream. Everyone we knew was on a “special diet.” Nonsense you say. All Grandma’s know how to cook; not necessarily true. My mother was a fantastic cook; me, not so much. Do you suppose it too late to get back to basics? I am not talking about gourmet cooking but of “good tasting” cooking. Let’s forget about, just for a moment, the “no taste” fodder that our generation took to heart. It is okay to eat eggs again and some fats are actually good for you. You stopped cooking because you didn’t have time, but you have time now so that isn’t really an issue. If you are looking for a project to fill your “at home” days you might consider learning how to cook again. I’m not taking about killing yourself with unhealthy fats and the like, but why not explore some of the good old-fashioned recipes that you have been hoarding for 40 years. Good chefs will tell you to cook anything but eat in moderation, which is probably why the famous chefs of our time live long and prosper. Learn how to cook meals like your mother used to make. No exotic ingredients or spices that you’ve never heard of, but good tasting basics that tend to linger in your memory. The average homemaker has at least six cookbooks that are rarely used. Pick up one of the ones you haven’t opened in a few years. The book that has grease spatters on the cover and pages with notes written in the margins. Recipe boxes filled with cards that are yellowed and faded with age are priceless. These are the recipes salvaged from family and friends that made an impression on you over the years. Why haven’t you been making them? Spend an afternoon paging through the “oldest of old” books and recipe boxes. Try a few; make learning how to cook again a trip down memory lane.

Senior to Senior: Talking to Strangers

Once again, researchers are doing studies on a subject that to us “older folks” is common knowledge. They could have just asked us. We might not have used words like “psychological benefits,” but we’ve always known that talking to strangers is a civilized thing to do. When we grew up, we knew everyone in the neighborhood, and everyone in the neighborhood knew us. The word stranger wasn’t even in our vocabulary, but times have changed. Our children and our children’s children have been cautioned, practically since birth, not to talk to strangers. Not talking to strangers morphed into avoiding contact and being careful not to invade anyone’s “personal space,” and this was before cell phone relationships even existed. Researchers are now studying what this current level of social isolation means. The Wall Street Journal ran an article the other day (Monday, May 13th) by Elizabeth Bernstein. The author talked about importance, and the benefits, of interacting with people outside of your immediate social circle. Our children, at one time or another, have all told us that we embarrassed them when we talked to strangers. I hope you ignored them and went on being your old friendly selves. We don’t need researches to tell us, although that is exactly what they are doing, that talking to strangers improves everyday experiences. Studies show that insignificant interactions, like giving a complement or asking a cashier how there day is going, is good for us. You both get a little jolt of happiness even though you are strangers and may never see one another again. Lifting your head and engaging with the person standing next to you is worth the effort. People are happier when they connect with others. Do a little study on your own. You are surrounded by strangers every time you walk down the street. When you exchange a word, a smile or a compliment, you are reaching out. You are sending a message that says you are recognizing each other’s humanity, without making any demands on their time or yours. Cool huh.