Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Forgiveness and Longevity

Dwelling on past failures, disappointments and perceived slights is bad for your health. Advice columnists field questions about family and work dynamics every day, and most of them deal with wounded feelings, grudges, anger, and perceived slights. Psychologists, pastors, advice columnists, and medical researchers all agree that anger and resent are bad for your health and well-being, and may indeed shorten your life. Anger and resentment are perfectly natural; it is the way humans react to real or perceived injustice. Unfortunately, this fight or flight reaction makes them vulnerable to chronic anxiety, serious depression, general distrust, poor self-esteem, and the sense of hopelessness that makes them miserable. Forgiveness, it seems, is a really big deal. Forgiveness is not always about reconciling or pardoning someone because of a perceived wrong, but about whether or not you are able to let it go. Forgiveness is personal; it is an intellectual decision to give up being angry and moving on. You may be wondering what forgiveness has to do with happiness and longevity, but your body knows. Physiologically speaking, hanging on to anger and resentment triggers stress hormones. Stress, as you already know, increases the chance of heart attacks, cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a host of other chronic illnesses. Forgiveness isn’t all that easy. If it were you wouldn’t find so many people seeking professional help. The advice is pretty much the same whether you attend counseling sessions, read self-help books, attend support groups, or write to advice columnists. They all have you start by: • Acknowledging your anger • Deciding you want to forgive the slight. • Changing the way you perceive the situation. • Offering an apology and moving on There be more steps but the ball is in your court. Hostility is not good for you. Forgiveness is essential for healthy living. Allow yourself to be a better person; exchange your anger, bitterness, hatred and depression for joy, peace and freedom.

Senior Living: Kindness and Longevity

Diet, exercise and socialization pave the way to a long and healthy life, but researchers are now saying that “happiness” plays an equally important role, and it is a lot more fun. Last week we touched on the importance of goal setting; why people are happiest when they have a reason to get up every morning, but is that enough? Keeping busy (having a goal) is important, but you aren’t off the hook yet. Your assignment for this week is to practice being kind, both to yourself and to others. Being kind isn’t all that hard, but you may need to give it a little thought. Don’t be intimidated. You don’t have to be faster than a speeding bullet or able to leap tall buildings in a single bound to show that you care. What does this have to do with longevity? Researchers assure us that engaging in little acts of kindness actually make you “feel good,” and all without costing you a thing. If “feeling good” isn’t scientific enough for you we can talk about how the body releases dopamine, a natural mood elevator, and endorphins, which contribute to a natural sense of well-being. With dopamine and endorphins on board you are ready to focus on the rest of your life. Squelch feelings such as fear, anxiety, sadness, depression, anger and hostility and do something nice. An act of kindness can go so far as to reduce stresses, lift emotions, and decreases negative feelings. Simple acts of kindness: • Let someone go ahead of you in line • Hold the door for someone, and smile. • Let a car merge ahead. • Pick up trash at a park or playground. • Send a card or e-mail just to say hello. • Volunteer time or goods to local charities. Yes, the verdict is in; being kind is good for everyone involved. Extending the holiday spirit throughout the year may well be the easiest way to improve your health. Living a long and happy life is indeed a bonus.

Senior Living: Happiness and Longevity

Longevity is in the news again, but what does it all mean. You’ve probably discovered by now that old age is catching up with you, even if you have played by all the rules. A healthy diet, exercise, plenty of rest, and social engagements have stood you in good stead, but researchers now tell us that it is not enough. The real key to longevity, they say, is “happiness.” That sounds easy enough, but is it? What if you are not a “feel good” happy kind of person. Does that mean that you can’t have a few more good years? Is it possible to learn how to be happy? Psychologist say that the odds are in our favor. Odds sounds a lot like math, but then numbers are something that we can all understand. Researchers suggest that 50% of our ability to be happy is genetically determined, 10% is governed by what is going on in our lives, and the rest is up to us. We are gifted with a 40% chance of making significant changes in our lives. Happy people enjoy the company of others and they enjoy setting “happiness goals.” Happiness is thought to encompass one’s ability to be grateful, forgiving, kind, optimistic and resilient. Big words that sound a lot like work, but we have time. Start by setting some goals. Think of goal setting as making a big to-do list. Goal setting, after all, is the best way to come up with a plan. A plan for today, a plan for the week, for the month, for the year and for a lifetime. You may think that you are too old to have goals, but give it some thought: • Goals setting is a sign that you have control over your life. • Goal setting gives structure and meaning to your life. • Goal setting stimulates your mind. Having goals serves as a reminder that you can still learn, contribute, and share. It is never too late to be a better and a happier person. Consider it a plus if it helps you live longer.

Senior Living: Smile

Electronic gadgets have made it easier to communicate, but they have robbed us of what I like to call the “human touch.” Somewhere along the line we have lost the ability to make contact with real flesh and blood people. When was the last time you smiled at a stranger? We can’t blame seniors for this, but they aren’t as helpful as they could be. Seniors are hardly ever portrayed as happy smiling individuals, which could be the reason why movies like Grumpy Old Men are so popular. When did people start losing touch? Did it happen all at once or did it happen gradually? When did being self-absorbed and aloof become the norm? Is it that people are too busy or too preoccupied to make the effort, or are they afraid that their smile won’t be returned? It could just be that they are just shy, or that a rebuff might remind them of what they have lost; small-town friendliness. Think of a smile as paying your good cheer forward. Put a smile on your face when you wake up, and keep on smiling throughout the day. Think about it; you might make a new friend or cheer up a sad soul. Experiment a little. Smile at the first 10 people you meet today and see what happens. It doesn’t have to be a big toothy smile, just a little upward curve of your lips will do. Don’t be afraid. What’s the worst that could happen? If they don’t smile back or if they give you a weird look, that’s their problem not yours. Why anyone want to walk around with an unpleasant negative frown when, with a little bit of effort, they could look pleasant and approachable. Who is the weird one now? A smile is universal. It costs nothing and it takes only a few minutes. Say hello to people that you pass on the street, in the hall at work, or to the neighbor working in his yard. Be a role model; teach your grandkids the importance of a smile.

Senior Living: Celebrate Winter

The holidays are over. The company has gone home, the tree is out at the curb, and the decorations have put away; you may be feeling a little lonely. Know that you are not alone. The long drab days of winter give most of us the heebie-jeebies. Researchers tell us that the winter blues aren’t as prevalent as once feared, but it is fine if you beg to differ. Winter can be, should be, a time to indulge your “inner child” and carve out time for yourself. Make your own sunshine. Decorating for the holidays was great fun but don’t stop there. Instead of dreading winter, decide to celebrate it. Winter is the time for homemade apple pie, chicken noodle soup, and cinnamon rolls made from scratch. The kitchen is a friendly place; try some new recipes. Do something different. Beat the “winter blues” by re-decorating your house; create a “feel good” zone. Rearrange your furniture to showcase the fireplace or the picture window in the living room. Go shopping; buy pretty table runners, tons of pillows, a new bedspread, pictures, flowers, and anything you can think of to lighten up and brighten up your home. Connect with friends. Catch up on e-mails, letter writing and phone calls. If you are stuck at home and feeling lonely, chances are your friends are too. Stop listening to the news and play soothing music instead. Make yourself a cup of tea and settle into a routine. Keep busy. Now is the time to accomplish tasks you have been putting off, or start on new or to be continued hobbies. Sign up for classes if you feel a need to get out of the house. Now is the time to take care of yourself. Exercise and make appointments for routine physical and dental examinations. Give each season its due. Winter is the time to renew your body and your spirit.

Senior Living: Dealing With Holiday Blues

If binge-watching warm fuzzy movies doesn’t do the trick, you might need to think of other “feel good” pursuits to help you navigate the holidays. You are not alone if you have mixed feeling about the holidays, but at least give yourself a chance. People smile more, give more, and interact with others more often during the holidays, and we all need that. Don’t let the holiday doldrums keep you from spreading a little joy. It’s true, family activities and community expectations can be overwhelming, but take a deep breath and take it all in. Decide if it worse to feel pressured because you have “too much” to do, or to be depressed because you are all alone and don’t have enough to do? You too can get through the holidays with your sanity intact: • Plan ahead. Be realistic about what you want to accomplish before the holidays arrive. Those hit the hardest are the classic last-minute shoppers and those who volunteer to do too much. • Take care of yourself. It isn’t good to isolate yourself but don’t shop or party until you drop either. Indulge yourself. Treat yourself to a massage or have one of those delicious hot steamed apple cider drinks only available this time of year. • Don’t over extend yourself. Parcel out your moments when it comes to how much time you can spend on decorating, shopping, baking, PTA responsibilities, sending cards or attending or hosting parties. • Take advantage of social opportunities even if you don’t feel like it. If partying isn’t your cup of tea, and it isn’t everyone’s, invite others to come to you. If you live alone volunteer to help out at your church or community center. Recognize that it may be time to let some holiday responsibilities go. You want to stay in the loop, but be realistic about what you can or cannot do. Give yourself time to smile more, give more and interact with others more.

Senior Living: Christmas Cards

Christmas Cards We are half way through November already and I have an assignment for you. Buy a pretty pad of stationery and get ready to write a letter. I’m talking about a “real letter” that you can tuck into each and every Christmas card you send. Everyone loves getting a real, hold-in-your-hand, keep it forever, letter? Christmas letters, love letters, thank you notes, and notes for no reason at all, say “I am thinking of you today.” If the task seems too daunting, it may be time to stop wasting postage and pare your list down. Send cards and letters only to those you truly care to hear from. Your letter doesn’t have to be long, but please make it personal and heartfelt (no boring mimeographed newsletters that send the same news to everyone). The art of letter writing is slowly slipping away. If people who understand the importance of this beautiful art form don’t step up to the plate, it will soon be gone forever. Remember when letters were the only way to communicate? We wrote letters to pen pals, to brothers in the military, sisters in college, cousins, new friends and old. Getting a letter in the mail was, and still is, a big deal. Are you ready to start your letter? If it has been awhile you may have to put your thinking cap on. You don’t just say something like I am baking pies today. Embellish a little; go on to say what kind of pies, how you feel about baking them, and who you are going to share them with. A good letter is like a phone call except it is more personal because it can be enjoyed over and over. Start small; a Christmas letter is a good way to start because you are limited to one or two pages, unless you want to pay extra postage. Nobody cares if your handwriting is shaky; it really is the thought that counts. Take your time and use lined paper, print or carefully form your letters the way you learned in grade school, but write from the heart. E-mails and text messages with silly letters like LOL or little smiley faces are a great way to check in on a daily basis, but a “real” letter is forever.

Senior Living: Seniors Love Birdwatching

A Love Affair with Birdwatching You know you need to walk more but walking the same old route every day is so boring. Let me introduce you to bird watching, a hobby that will make walking fun again. Wouldn’t you like to know a little more about the cheery critters nesting in your shrubbery? Bird watching is fascinating and it is easy to see why it had become one of the country’s fastest growing hobbies. Walking and bird-watching go hand in hand. You set the pace and the birds provide the entertainment. All you need is a pair of binoculars and a guide book to get you started. Borrow or buy light weight binoculars (at least an 8x magnification) that are not too heavy to hold comfortably in your hands. Next, buy a small guide book that you can tuck in your pocket. That’s all you need to track and identify the birds in your area. Apps and online resources will whet your appetite for more; before you know it bird watching will turn into a true adventure. Ask your grandkids to help you out and don’t be surprised if they offer to join you. If you are new to walking or hiking it is okay to start slowly; in fact, you can sit in your backyard and wait for the birds to come to you. Find a place to sit or stand and just wait. Pull out your notebook and jot down or sketch what it was that caught your eye (the birds color, size, shape, sound and habits). These details will help you identify them when you get a minute to consult your book. What birding can do for you: • Undoes sitting disease. We talked about “sitting disease” last week so you know what I am talking about. • Sharpens the brain. You are multitasking; walking, watching, focusing and taking notes. • Listening and watching stimulates all of the senses. • Improves your mood. Exercise, fresh air, and nature are medicine for the soul. Set your own pace. Listen to your body and relax. Join million of others who have discovered this love affair with nature.

Senior Living: Have a Happy Day

Retirement is great or it should be, but if you wake up feeling cranky more often than not, something is not quite right. Researchers have been studying seniors for some time now, and the conclusions drawn have been rather alarming. The Stress that became such a driving force in our generation seems to have followed us into retirement. If you still feel strapped, tired, and bummed out, you must be doing something wrong. Stress, sadness, and unhappiness do not belong in your life. Wake up in the morning and think about something pleasant that you want do today. If you need more structure than that, set up a calendar for the whole week. • Pencil in time to read or to visit with a friend (an e-mail, letter, a phone call or lunch date). • Every day do something that give you pleasure (gardening, painting, reading, hiking, cooking). • Do something good for your health (a walk, go to the gym 2-3 times a week, plan healthy meals). Your bliss doesn’t have to come with a big price tag. Try cheap and simple ways to enhance your pleasure: • Smile at a stranger. • Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. • Take your dog for a walk. Being around animals is known to reduce stress and lower blood pressure. Sounds easy enough doesn’t it? Let’s look even further: • Every once in a while, indulge your sweet tooth. Be sure to savor each and every bite. • Sing along to soothing music when stuck in traffics, or skip the freeway and take the scenic way home. • Pamper yourself with a bubble bath or a massage. Get a manicure just for the heck of it. Be good to yourself. Give yourself permission to be happy. Cultivate a sense of humor; smile and laugh more. Think about what you enjoy and build on it. Do something that makes you happy today.

Senior Living: How Much Sleep Do You Need

How much sleep do you really need? Sleep and aging are topics often coupled and I am sick of hearing about it. Researchers have been trying to frighten us “non-sleepers” to death for years. Everything from dementia to death have been attributed to sleep deprivation. The statistics are scary. They tell us that if we don’t get eight hours of sleep every night we could die tomorrow. My husband, the geneticist, has been assuring me for years that everyone’s sleep needs are individual, and that they are based on our genetic make-up. This is all well and good but as he is a guy who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, I was still a little bit suspicious. I finally found a number of articles that agreed with my “theory” that sleep isn’t all that it is cracked up to be. Yes, sleep is nice, but the fact that I am a “non-sleeper,” doesn’t necessarily mean that I will fall victim to one or all of those dire consequences. I wake up often and I wake up early but guess what, as far as I know or want to find out, I do not have a sleep disorder and I am not tired during the day. Guidelines say that we should sleep eight hours every night, but there is no absolute amount of sleep that everyone has to have. How you feel and how you function during the day is what is important. There is no denying that a good night sleep is important if you want to feel great when you wake up. Seek help if this isn’t happening for you but stop worrying if you don’t sleep the same number of hours as your spouse or your best friend. Everyone’s sleep needs are different. Whether you are a night owl or a morning lark is immaterial. The key is getting the amount that is right for you; quality instead of quantity. The starting point, which you already know, harkens back to having a regular bedtime, avoiding stimulants, and creating a calming routine. You may need a white noise machine, a meditation session, a glass of warm milk or a cup of chamomile tea. Experiment and find what works for you.