Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Cranky Old Folks

I sat in the parking lot of a local grocery store and watched; besides the young people who think they are impervious to rules, regulations, and disease, it is “old” men who are not paying attention to CDC recommendations. While not gender specific, the term “cranky old man” fits into this picture, and while women can be cranky too, it is not quite as obvious. Still, there are no age or gender limits to thoughtless behavior. Crankiness often goes with the territory. When you reach a certain age everything in your life is in a state of flux, and everyday activities become challenging. Decreased hearing and dimming vision are bad enough, but when you don’t even like the way you look, it becomes difficult to take on a changing world. What’s not to fuss about? So, have you allowed yourself to become a crotchety hypercritical senior? Test your tolerance: is the music too loud, the cars too fast, and the service always too slow…do you find everything about “modern life” annoying? When did it become easier to criticize than to stand up and make a difference? How about picking one thing that annoys you, and do something about it. You can protest if you want to chance getting trampled, or you can do something a little more civilized. You can could support your favorite political candidate, or volunteer for an organization that you feel does a particularly good job. Now is not the time for naysayers. If you read the opinion page of the local newspapers you may have noticed that opinions expressed are often one-sided, misinformed, and hardly ever positive. You either nod your head in agreement or you shake your head in disbelief. When you think about “cranky old people” words such as humor, enthusiasm and a sense of purpose seldom come to mind. Instead you see your grandfather or your father; a curmudgeonly elder expounding on declining community values. Yes, it is easier to criticize than to step up and make a difference, but “modern seniors” are up to the task. You can make a difference; now is the time.

Senior to Senior: Loneliness of Social Distancing

Humans are social beings. They found, early on, that banding together for protection and companionship was a good thing, and they thrived. It is not surprising that social distancing has stopped people in their tracks. The idea of not banding together goes against everything we were ever taught. There is a lesson to be learned here. Older folks already know how easy it is to slip into social obscurity, but being alone because you want to is different than being alone because you have to. Today, social distancing precautions have taken that choice away, and it really sucks. Researchers affirm that social isolation and loneliness are a deadly combination, but luckily it only takes a few minutes a day to restore “connectivity.” Allow your children bring you into the twenty-first century. It is important to connect with family and friends, but it is difficult if you cling to old beliefs. It is up to you to reach out to the people who care about you. Classic mail and phone calls are good ways to connect, but handwriting can be hard to decipher and hearing issues can make phone calls a nightmare. Waiting two weeks for an answer to a letter, or waiting for a voice mail message to be returned, can seem an eternity if you are feeling lonely. You may find that video calls give you something to look forward to, and quick “thinking of you” text messages can brighten your day. Socialization keeps you young, enthused, and invigorated. Without appointments, lunches, book clubs, gym classes, church or volunteer commitments, one day is pretty much like the next. It is time to think of new ways to “connect.” • Sit out on your front porch and give passersby a wave. • Pick up the phone and call someone • Write letters or e-mails • Take a break from the media and read something inspirational. • Listen to upbeat music, watch inspiring movies, exercise, and think good thoughts. Self-quarantine has aged us all and for a senior this is not a good thing. The good news is that you have lived through challenges before and will likely live through this one, if you can keep your spirits up.

Senior to Senior: Journaling (Write it Down)

Thank goodness something like a pandemic doesn’t happen every day, but history tells us that similar events have happened before and will likely happen again. You may not think of your everyday life as being a slice of history, but it is. How much of this particular slice of history will you remember? You have a chance, right now, to record your thoughts and your feelings as you struggle to cope. Dear Diary; keeping a journal isn’t just for teenage girls. Scientists tell us that writing about life’s stressful events is a good thing; a way to calm your mind. If you find writing letters or writing anything more complicated than a grocery list a big bore, you are not alone. Instead of freaking out; think about journaling as a way to organize your thoughts. It is kind of like talking to yourself or screaming out loud, if that works better for you. • Start small; no need to write every day • Your thoughts don’t need to be profound or inspirational • Journals are private; no need to impress Think of journaling as a way to express yourself. It can be as simple as making a list and jotting down a feeling that each comment evokes. Journaling is easy and it is cheap. All you need is a computer file (if you are more comfortable typing than writing by hand) or an inexpensive notebook. Across the top write down a few key words; words that evoke emotions. Start with fear, anger, anxiety, despair and unrest, and then think about how they make you “feel.” Remember this is your time: • Set up a regular time • Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted • Relax with a cup of tea or meditate for a few minutes Studies show that writing about your day is an excellent way to clear your head, but don’t obsess; this is not the time to worry about spelling, grammar, or penmanship. The important thing is that writing is a great way to keep your mind sharp as you age.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Student

You have a list of things to do, but you are three months into this “stay at home” thing, and you haven’t started any of them. What seems to be the problem? Whether you have been “thinking” about learning how to knit, thinking about writing your memoirs, thinking about learning another language, or just thinking about thinking, you are overdue. What’s keeping you from getting started? I hope your old “perfectionist self” hasn’t stepped in to ruin your plans. I’m talking about the same excuses you’ve been using for years: “I don’t know where to start,” “I’m too old,” “I’m going to fail,” “If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to try,” and of course “what’s the point?” Learn something new. It is never too late to challenge yourself. Experts say that stimulating the brain is good for you. Explore new ideas: • If you aren’t a high school graduate; study for your GED • If you have always wanted to get a degree, now is the time. On-line classes make school available for everyone. • Consider tutorials or YouTube Videos to learn something new. Look at your list again: • Recognize that you can’t do them all. Pick one. • Order everything you will need from a store that delivers or on-line. • Get a big desk calendar and block off work periods. • Get up, get dressed, have breakfast, and get busy. Call a friend and ask if they would like to be an accountability partner. They are probably staring at their “want to do list” too. Think of this as your time: • Work on your project when you are at your best. You know if you are a morning person or a night owl. • No distractions; let phone calls go to voice mail and do not check your e-mail. • Set a timer and stay on task. Little bites. One language lesson, knit once inch, write 500 words or do step one of your tutorials. Reward your efforts. Allow yourself to enjoy the process. Do not worry if your participles dangle or if your stitches are too tight. Call your friend and gloat a little.

Senior to Senior: Practice Aging in Place

Staying in your own home or contemplating “aging in place” has taken on a whole new meaning these days. Being asked to stay at home could very well be a preview of what is ahead for you. Whether you are staying at home because of the new virus edicts, because you want to, or because you have to, is beside the point. You are learning today what it is like to be isolated from the rest of the world. How is that going for you? How are you spending your days? Are you ordering everything in or donning a mask and going out for groceries? What else are you doing for exercise and entertainment? A friend wrote that she had taken to staying in her pajamas all day. Expert’s frown on this behavior. They are all quite emphatic that for the sake of your own self-respect, productivity, and sanity you need to get up and get dressed every morning. Whether you work from home or are housebound because you have to be amounts to the same thing. Getting dressed signals that you are ready to start your day and that you have things to do. Keep to a routine even if you are not doing anything special. We have been discussing all sort of projects to get involved with; by now you should be quite proficient at entertaining yourself. Let’s practice: • Establish a routine. Get up, get dressed, have a good breakfast and take a walk. When you return you can get busy: straighten the house, kit, crochet, make masks, write in your journal or take an on-line class. • Take breaks, whether this means listening to a book on tape, watching a soap opera, or having a cup of tea. • Maintain relationships: write a letter, answer e-mails or call a friend. What do you think? If you have opted to age in place, you can’t just sit in a rocking chair or doze in front of the television. Approach each day with a sense of purpose. Before long, you will be looking forward to a day at home.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Reader

You are never too old to sharpen your reading skills. Studies show that reading, at any age, is an excellent “mental exercise.” If you are one those people who has made it quite clear that you don’t read books because it is not “your thing,” it might be time to ask yourself why. It could be that you don’t read well. You learned enough to get by, you may even have an advanced college degree, but if you have never learned to read for pleasure, you are missing out on something really good. Now that you are spending most of your time at home it might be time to reconsider. How about giving reading another chance. It’s not too late. Go ahead, sneak into the kids’ room and practice by reading stories written for children or young adults; some of them are really quite good. Give yourself permission to read for the fun of it. Look on-line or ask a librarian (reference librarians are on duty even if the physical library is closed) about reading tutorials. Instead of deciding to learn a foreign language find ways to redefine your own. • The best part of reading, no matter what the genre, is that the mind-expanding benefits are the same. • You do not have to finish every book that your start; get over the idea that you should only read “serious literature.” • Skim if you can’t wait to find out what happens next or read the last chapter first; it’s your party. • Read the afternoon away or read in short bursts. • Always carry a book in your pocket. • Listen to audio books when driving, cleaning or walking the dog. Don’t know what to read? Ask a librarian or a bookseller for recommendations. Once you learn how to read for the fun of it you will soon be hooked. You will find yourself reading in the car, at the breakfast table, in the bathtub, in bed, in waiting rooms, in airplanes, everywhere. You will never be lonely with a good book in your hand.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Cook

Somewhere along the line our generation forgot how to cook. What happened? We worked, we embraced physical fitness, and we carpooled. The days and the years slipped away. It didn’t help that we blanched at the sight of recipes calling for real butter or heavy cream. Everyone we knew was on a “special diet.” Nonsense you say. All Grandma’s know how to cook; not necessarily true. My mother was a fantastic cook; me, not so much. Do you suppose it too late to get back to basics? I am not talking about gourmet cooking but of “good tasting” cooking. Let’s forget about, just for a moment, the “no taste” fodder that our generation took to heart. It is okay to eat eggs again and some fats are actually good for you. You stopped cooking because you didn’t have time, but you have time now so that isn’t really an issue. If you are looking for a project to fill your “at home” days you might consider learning how to cook again. I’m not taking about killing yourself with unhealthy fats and the like, but why not explore some of the good old-fashioned recipes that you have been hoarding for 40 years. Good chefs will tell you to cook anything but eat in moderation, which is probably why the famous chefs of our time live long and prosper. Learn how to cook meals like your mother used to make. No exotic ingredients or spices that you’ve never heard of, but good tasting basics that tend to linger in your memory. The average homemaker has at least six cookbooks that are rarely used. Pick up one of the ones you haven’t opened in a few years. The book that has grease spatters on the cover and pages with notes written in the margins. Recipe boxes filled with cards that are yellowed and faded with age are priceless. These are the recipes salvaged from family and friends that made an impression on you over the years. Why haven’t you been making them? Spend an afternoon paging through the “oldest of old” books and recipe boxes. Try a few; make learning how to cook again a trip down memory lane.

Senior to Senior: Boredom

People have likely been suffering from boredom since they stopped having to worry about wooly mammoths knocking at their doors. Fight or flight is less of an issue today, but stress, even though it manifests itself differently, is ever present. Boredom is a form of stress. Today it is recognized as a major problem for people of all ages. It may manifest as bad behavior in the young, as a midlife crisis in adults, and as depression in the elderly. Boredom is ageless. Lack of a challenge, lack of feeling, and lack of purpose often result in self-destructive behaviors. Researchers have gone so far as to call it a “silent killer,” especially at our age. Don’t let feelings of malaise, ennui or the blahs spiral into full blown depression. Think about boredom as a “gentle signal” that that you need to shake things up a bit. You no longer have to deal with humdrum jobs or stressful schedules at home; the big issue now is dealing with too much free time. If you are feeling bored it is time to regroup, before that “silent killer” makes you a statistic. When we were kids and complained of being bored our mothers sent us outside to explore the world, or she threatened to give us more chores to do. We forgot about being bored then, and we can forget about being bored now. • Try something new • Get out of the house; exercise, join a group, or volunteer • Redecorate your house • Vow to do something nice for someone every day Don’t give up because you feel past your prime. • Pursue activities that don’t require super physical prowess. • Reconnect with friends and relatives even if just by mail • Travel, but make it more interesting by joining adult education tours Recognize boredom for what it is; a symptom that can only lead to no good. Talk to your Doctor and seek counseling if you need help getting out of your funk. Sometimes your just need someone to talk too, but don’t bore your friends to death as they undoubtedly have their own issues to deal with.

Senior to Senior: Creativity

Creativity is innate. I read somewhere that everyone is born with a certain amount of creativity, but most either don’t recognize it, or they have had to put it aside until later, much later. The shame of it all is that somewhere along the line thoughts of “not being good enough” creeps in, and creativity dies. Try to remember that you do indeed have a creative side. Understand that creativity does not just relate to music, art, dance, or writing. Anything that piques your interest is fair game. As child you were passionate about everything, the sky was the limit. What happened? Allow your creative side to flourish again. Revisit arts, crafts, or hobbies that piqued your interest long ago. If you truly enjoy yourself you will find that creativity reduces stress, combats depression, and alleviate loneliness (conditions often associated with older people). People are living longer; many of them are looking for ways to make their extra years more fulfilling. Now is the time to reactivate your hidden talents; the time is right. So, what if forty or fifty years have gone by; you can knit something besides a potholder, you can pick up a paint brush again, learn a foreign language, explore your ancestry or write something fun and memorable. Stop dithering. You now have time. The kids have left home and a pension has allowed you to retire. You are free to do what you want and you don’t have to worry about what others think. Be more creative: • Pick something that you like to do whether it writing your memoirs. knitting or playing an instrument. • Do not compare your work to others. • Immerse yourself in what you are doing; enjoy the process. As adults we need more fun and creativity in our lives. Your art will give you something fun and productive to do while keeping your mind off from pain and the other stresses associated with aging. Creativity knows no age limit.

Senior to Senior: Winter Makeovers

Christmas decorations are an important rite of passage. Seniors everywhere continue to feel compelled to bring the spirit of the holidays into their homes. For some a small artificial tree or wreath on the door will suffice, but others can’t resist being drawn into friendly neighborhood competitions that light up the whole street. No matter how you look at it, it is fun to get into the spirit of things. When the holidays are over and it is time to dismantle the tree, put your collection of Santa pillows away, and box up the nutcracker until next year, you may feel a certain amount of loss. The trick is to keep the holiday spirit alive during the rest of the year. It doesn’t have to be difficult. Make an early new year resolution to spend January sprucing up your home, a winter makeover so to speak. If you thought of it early enough you might have put new towels, sheets and pillows on your Christmas list. It isnt too late; last minute shoppers and overnight delivery companies won’t mind last-minute hints at all. If all else fails take advantage of the white sales that start in January, and do it all yourself. • Older houses are notorious for small windows and heavy drapery, not to mentioned slipcovered couches. You may not be able to do a full-scale remodel but blinds and filmy window dressing will let in some light. • Add color. Spring for a pretty comforter, replace lampshades, or get new throw pillows for the couch. Sometimes painting one wall white or yellow can change the whole room. • Add light. Replace 60-watt bulbs with the highest wattage possible, or go crazy buying nightlights, undercounter lights, and special reading lamps. • Bring nature into the house. Cut flowers, plants, and a tiny herb garden on the kitchen windowsill will bring your rooms alive. Brighten your life, inside and out. Focus on the here and now. Find ways to enjoy each moment. Brighten up your room, your apartment, or your whole house.