Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Self-Care

Another lockdown, family members or friends who are sick, bad news, sad news and no news. Fall, often considered the most beautiful season of the year, has become a stressful nightmare. Stressful beyond belief. Everyone is impacted in one way or another by coronavirus related changes and world events. When you have a lot of stressors at the same time, and lack the usual ways to release them, you find yourself in quite a quandary. You already know that you are supposed to be focusing on a healthy lifestyle. You need to wear a mask, get enough exercise, eat properly, and embrace mental stimulation. Is this working for you? Are you doing okay? All of your energies are now focused on survival, one day at a time. In the old days a vacation was the answer, but now you have more time off than you ever wanted. Today, working or not, self-care is essential. What would it take to make you “feel good” right now? Rest, a walk in the park, a new pair of slippers, a favorite dinner delivered to your door, a hot fudge sundae, a good book, or binge-watching football games? Seniors are pretty lucky. Lockdown may be boring but you don’t need to go to work, you can have groceries and everything else delivered to your door, and you have entertainment at your fingertips. That should be enough, but it’s not. If you are too bummed to take care of yourself, all of these pluses are for naught. This is hard; humans are groomed to put others first. For a long time, self-care was thought to be a sign of selfishness, but psychologists now know that just the opposite is true. It is essential to take care of yourself first, so that you can give your best to others. Self-care is giving yourself permission to acknowledge that you need help. Feeling anxious, stressed, or just plain out of sorts is not okay; it is bad for your health and well-being. Doing something pleasurable or good for “you” helps connect you to the world around you.

Senior to Senior: Boredom

Admit it. The pandemic will either bring out the best or the worst in you. The trick is to not let boredom take control of your life. Boredom isn’t unusual; a temporary case of the blahs or a full blown “sinking spell” can hit at any time. Philosophers, scientists, and psychologist have been studying boredom for a very long time, but nobody understood boredom like our mothers. In our day, such as it was, mothers knew best, and boredom was not an option. Mother would say, “use your imagination” or “the whole world is out there for you to explore,” or the dreaded words “if you can’t find something to do, I will find something for you.” That usually did the trick; you would scurry off to find something to do, because mother meant business. Her other famous saying was, “boredom is within yourself and only you can do something about it.” Hmmm. Smart lady, and all this before psychology was even a discipline. Before going down memory lane, stop and think about how soldiers imprisoned during war time, or others who have been incarcerated for whatever reason, managed to stay alive. It makes whining about being bored sound rather pithy doesn’t it? While boredom itself is not dangerous. It can trigger a plethora of harmful behaviors. There is no quick fix, but recognizing it for what it is will give you a heads up. Use your dissatisfaction productively: • Keep up with the latest happenings; you are never too old to learn new things. • Get involved with life. Think of just one thing you can do to improve yourself (job, life, relationships or intellectual stimulation). • Be open minded. Read and listen to everybody and everything. • Trouble shoot; figure out what it is that is boring you, and your take steps to do something about it. People respond to boredom in different ways; some find new interests while others turn to overeating or binge-watching mindless television. Will you spiral out of control or will you be inspired to do great things? Embrace your boredom; make it work for you

Senior to Senior: Cut Yourself Some Slack

People are often highly critical of themselves, and as a result their own worst enemies. It’s true of all of us; seniors are no exception. Old people remain proud and critical of themselves, and often to their own detriment. It makes their children, medical professionals, and social workers tear out their hair, but it is what it is. Age doesn’t protect you from yourself. Call it “stubbornness” or just plain “set in your ways,” but it boils down to the same thing. You expect the impossible of yourself. Accept that you get tired, and that you have more aches and pains than you used to. It is time to look for ways to make life easier instead of more difficult. Learning how to be kind to yourself is the first step. Being kind to others, as well as to yourself, is good for your health and wellbeing. The key, of course, is learning how to cut yourself some slack. You don’t have to be old to do this, but age is a lovely excuse. Stop feeling guilty if you need to slow down. No apologies necessary; others will recognize and understand this long before you do. It’s okay if you need to sit out one volunteer activity, do the laundry on Friday instead of Monday, or cancel a luncheon engagement. Be kind to yourself: • Don’t forget to take time for yourself; time to relax or to do something you really want to do. • Pat yourself on the back if you finish a chore or complete an assignment. • Let go of past wrongs and grievances. Forgive others and even more important, forgive yourself. • Accept your limitations. If you can’t jog anymore; try walking. If you can’t work full time; turn to part-time or pursue other interests. Stop trying to be perfect; perfection is not only unattainable but vastly overrated. Do what you can, and accept that it is good enough. You may never be as strong or as focused as you used to be, but you are still the same person, and a really great one at that.

Senior to Senior: Learn Something New

Don’t waste your pandemic time; learn something new. You don’t have to wait to start a new project; now is a good time. Gerontologists have been telling seniors for a long time that stimulating the brain is the best thing you can do for yourself. Thanks to technology and the number of free online classes being offered right now, the possibilities are endless. When you do something new, you stimulate new neural pathways in the brain. Yes, the brain that you have been fearing was going into a serious decline. “Use it or lose it” has always been a favorite adage, and it is time to see if it is true. Hit the books instead of spending the days moping around. After 70 odd years, it is frightening to realize just how many things you still don’t know. Aren’t you the least little bit curious? Instant research is good, but serious learning is even better. What is it that you are curious about? Have you always wanted to learn how to read, or to read better? How about learning how to cook, how to knit, how to speak Spanish, how to play an instrument, how to do home repairs, or paint a watercolor? Feel the excitement. You don’t have to be perfect in your 70’s…you don’t have to feel pressured to get an “A” in everything. If you find you aren’t any good at whatever, it’s okay; give yourself a pat on the back for trying. How to get started: • Take a class. A little harder right now when you can’t go out but attending a class in person is not your only option. There are websites that offer online classes; many of them free. • Watch online tutorials. • Learn the old-fashioned way, by using a book. Books remain one of the best ways to learn something new. • Just try it. Trial and error and learning from mistakes works too. • Ask a family member to share their expertise. • Hire a tutor Never stop learning. It will not only keep your brain healthy but it will give you something positive to do during these trying times.

Senior to Senior: Walking Meditation

Can’t stand being barraged with dire news reports anymore? You are not alone; even easy-going, take-it or- leave it folks are feeling anxious and stressed. We have all heard about the power of meditation, but it is still a bit mystical and other worldly for most. If you have ever tried meditating, you probably know that it is not something that comes naturally. You may even feel that there is a limit to how much time you can spend in your “own head,” no matter what it is called. Still, there has been a lot of research on the subject, and it is all positive; meditation is good for you. What if you could combine thinking good thoughts with something else. If you are already walking, for exercise and to clear your head, you are already half way there. Walking is a good time to do some thinking, or not thinking, whichever the case may be. Do you see where I am going this? You may already be doing a form of meditation (walking meditation) and don’t even know it. Meditating while walking not only exercises the body (so you are really not wasting your time) but also the mind. Exercising your mind. Wow! Who doesn’t need that? Meditating is even thought of as a way to keep your brain from aging. Sounds like a good project doesn’t it? Walking meditation is not about power walks or aerobic workouts. You are going to just walk normally, which means good posture and a relaxed gait. The difference is that you are concentrating on how you are feeling. Think about your feet, your body, and your breath. It is all about you. Meditation is learning to focus on the present moment; narrowing your focus down to feeling and breathing. One, two, three, four. Don’t worry about erasing all of your thoughts, and don’t fuss about distractions; for now, just think about your breathing and your feet. Step, step…breath, breath. Your library as well as numerous websites will supply you with information if you need help getting started. Take time away from television and social media and think about something else. Walking and meditating. Meditating and walking. Walking meditation.

Senior to Senior: Look on the Bright Side

It’s hard to look on the bright side these days. Not leaving home is hard, no lunches out, no book clubs, and no vacation plans. It is all quite depressing. Still, life goes on, and if you can limit the amount of doom and gloom that you are exposed to, you can go on. Local newspapers often run columns allowing locals to vent; more often than not viewpoints are real dowers, but there are enough positive comments to keep you reading and keep you smiling. My favorite comment this week was from a lady who wrote that she loved wearing a mask. She loved not having to wear makeup and she loved not having to stress about wrinkles and aging skin. People, she went on to say, can still tell that you are smiling if you let your eyes sparkle and give a friendly wave of your hand as you skip by. There are times when people who are always cheerful make you nuts, but not today. We need cheerful, we need nuts, and we need silver linings. For one thing; optimists tend to live longer, are more apt to have goals, and are more apt to meet them. Optimists are better about taking care of themselves; they have a reason to get up every morning. Looking on the bright side doesn’t have to be difficult. Consider: • If you are not social by nature, and not everyone is, you might feel relieved that you are no longer expected to hug, shake hands or engage in meaningless conversation. • You finally have time to finish the afghan you have been knitting on for years. • You can read more, organize closets, write your memoirs and have dinner with the whole family. • You can learn to live one day at a time; enjoy a movie night, learn 71 ways to play solitaire, write a letter, get a dog. Small things but they are important, and they can help get you through the day. Instead of looking at the downside, be strong, be healthy and share your love.

Senior to Senior: Cranky Old Folks

I sat in the parking lot of a local grocery store and watched; besides the young people who think they are impervious to rules, regulations, and disease, it is “old” men who are not paying attention to CDC recommendations. While not gender specific, the term “cranky old man” fits into this picture, and while women can be cranky too, it is not quite as obvious. Still, there are no age or gender limits to thoughtless behavior. Crankiness often goes with the territory. When you reach a certain age everything in your life is in a state of flux, and everyday activities become challenging. Decreased hearing and dimming vision are bad enough, but when you don’t even like the way you look, it becomes difficult to take on a changing world. What’s not to fuss about? So, have you allowed yourself to become a crotchety hypercritical senior? Test your tolerance: is the music too loud, the cars too fast, and the service always too slow…do you find everything about “modern life” annoying? When did it become easier to criticize than to stand up and make a difference? How about picking one thing that annoys you, and do something about it. You can protest if you want to chance getting trampled, or you can do something a little more civilized. You can could support your favorite political candidate, or volunteer for an organization that you feel does a particularly good job. Now is not the time for naysayers. If you read the opinion page of the local newspapers you may have noticed that opinions expressed are often one-sided, misinformed, and hardly ever positive. You either nod your head in agreement or you shake your head in disbelief. When you think about “cranky old people” words such as humor, enthusiasm and a sense of purpose seldom come to mind. Instead you see your grandfather or your father; a curmudgeonly elder expounding on declining community values. Yes, it is easier to criticize than to step up and make a difference, but “modern seniors” are up to the task. You can make a difference; now is the time.

Senior to Senior: Loneliness of Social Distancing

Humans are social beings. They found, early on, that banding together for protection and companionship was a good thing, and they thrived. It is not surprising that social distancing has stopped people in their tracks. The idea of not banding together goes against everything we were ever taught. There is a lesson to be learned here. Older folks already know how easy it is to slip into social obscurity, but being alone because you want to is different than being alone because you have to. Today, social distancing precautions have taken that choice away, and it really sucks. Researchers affirm that social isolation and loneliness are a deadly combination, but luckily it only takes a few minutes a day to restore “connectivity.” Allow your children bring you into the twenty-first century. It is important to connect with family and friends, but it is difficult if you cling to old beliefs. It is up to you to reach out to the people who care about you. Classic mail and phone calls are good ways to connect, but handwriting can be hard to decipher and hearing issues can make phone calls a nightmare. Waiting two weeks for an answer to a letter, or waiting for a voice mail message to be returned, can seem an eternity if you are feeling lonely. You may find that video calls give you something to look forward to, and quick “thinking of you” text messages can brighten your day. Socialization keeps you young, enthused, and invigorated. Without appointments, lunches, book clubs, gym classes, church or volunteer commitments, one day is pretty much like the next. It is time to think of new ways to “connect.” • Sit out on your front porch and give passersby a wave. • Pick up the phone and call someone • Write letters or e-mails • Take a break from the media and read something inspirational. • Listen to upbeat music, watch inspiring movies, exercise, and think good thoughts. Self-quarantine has aged us all and for a senior this is not a good thing. The good news is that you have lived through challenges before and will likely live through this one, if you can keep your spirits up.

Senior to Senior: Journaling (Write it Down)

Thank goodness something like a pandemic doesn’t happen every day, but history tells us that similar events have happened before and will likely happen again. You may not think of your everyday life as being a slice of history, but it is. How much of this particular slice of history will you remember? You have a chance, right now, to record your thoughts and your feelings as you struggle to cope. Dear Diary; keeping a journal isn’t just for teenage girls. Scientists tell us that writing about life’s stressful events is a good thing; a way to calm your mind. If you find writing letters or writing anything more complicated than a grocery list a big bore, you are not alone. Instead of freaking out; think about journaling as a way to organize your thoughts. It is kind of like talking to yourself or screaming out loud, if that works better for you. • Start small; no need to write every day • Your thoughts don’t need to be profound or inspirational • Journals are private; no need to impress Think of journaling as a way to express yourself. It can be as simple as making a list and jotting down a feeling that each comment evokes. Journaling is easy and it is cheap. All you need is a computer file (if you are more comfortable typing than writing by hand) or an inexpensive notebook. Across the top write down a few key words; words that evoke emotions. Start with fear, anger, anxiety, despair and unrest, and then think about how they make you “feel.” Remember this is your time: • Set up a regular time • Find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted • Relax with a cup of tea or meditate for a few minutes Studies show that writing about your day is an excellent way to clear your head, but don’t obsess; this is not the time to worry about spelling, grammar, or penmanship. The important thing is that writing is a great way to keep your mind sharp as you age.

Senior to Senior: The Aging Student

You have a list of things to do, but you are three months into this “stay at home” thing, and you haven’t started any of them. What seems to be the problem? Whether you have been “thinking” about learning how to knit, thinking about writing your memoirs, thinking about learning another language, or just thinking about thinking, you are overdue. What’s keeping you from getting started? I hope your old “perfectionist self” hasn’t stepped in to ruin your plans. I’m talking about the same excuses you’ve been using for years: “I don’t know where to start,” “I’m too old,” “I’m going to fail,” “If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to try,” and of course “what’s the point?” Learn something new. It is never too late to challenge yourself. Experts say that stimulating the brain is good for you. Explore new ideas: • If you aren’t a high school graduate; study for your GED • If you have always wanted to get a degree, now is the time. On-line classes make school available for everyone. • Consider tutorials or YouTube Videos to learn something new. Look at your list again: • Recognize that you can’t do them all. Pick one. • Order everything you will need from a store that delivers or on-line. • Get a big desk calendar and block off work periods. • Get up, get dressed, have breakfast, and get busy. Call a friend and ask if they would like to be an accountability partner. They are probably staring at their “want to do list” too. Think of this as your time: • Work on your project when you are at your best. You know if you are a morning person or a night owl. • No distractions; let phone calls go to voice mail and do not check your e-mail. • Set a timer and stay on task. Little bites. One language lesson, knit once inch, write 500 words or do step one of your tutorials. Reward your efforts. Allow yourself to enjoy the process. Do not worry if your participles dangle or if your stitches are too tight. Call your friend and gloat a little.