Smart Senior

Senior to Senior: Holiday Blues

Sentimental movies, nostalgic songs, and a plethora of store decorations create the illusion that holidays are bigger than life. They are supposed to be of course, but as you grow older things tend to lose their luster. Role’s shift. Instead of participating in the hustle bustle you may be looking at it from the sidelines. It is not nearly as much fun as it used to be. The stress of trying to keep the holidays as “perfect” as you remember is over, or is it? There is a new kind of stress as you become an onlooker. Families have scattered and nearest and dearest are often gone forever. The probability that you will be spending the holidays alone is quite likely. The holidays season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration, but what happens when it is not? Thoughts of loss, failing health, and the past intrude. You are not alone if your family has shrunk to one or two, and all that you have left is the reminders of what you used to have. It doesn’t have to be. Try to step up, clear your mind, and think proactively. Common triggers for holiday depression can be avoided. Change your expectations about family gatherings, over commercialization, over committing, overspending, fatigue and stress. Try to remember the real reason for the celebration. There is no reason that you can’t enjoy the holidays. Change your mindset. Spend quality time with those who count. Celebrate with other people who don’t have family nearby. Focus on what truly matters. Practice self-care, especially when it comes to your emotional and spiritual self. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and communicate your needs to others. You can sit alone and feel depressed, or you can channel the emotions of your losses by volunteering at a community shelter. Start a new tradition. Be around other people. Do something joyful even if it is just hanging a wreath on your door. Let others know that you want to be seen. and that you see them too. People who cope best are the ones that don’t isolate themselves.

Senior to Senior: Senior Pets

Alone. Alone. Alone. No one to talk to, no one to take care of, no one to greet you when you come home after a day of work, play, or errands. No one to set the tenor or your day. Depression and loneliness can occur at any age, but seniors are more vulnerable than most. Even active seniors spend more time at home than anywhere else. Whether they are depressed or not is an individual conundrum, but it is shameful to waste precious years in a perpetual state of unhappiness. An animal to love might be the answer. Most seniors agree that being needed and having something, or someone, to take care of gives them a sense of purpose. Pet lovers wonder how anyone could get through the day without a “best friend” in their house. People who aren’t pet lovers are just as adamant, feeling they are too old to be responsible for the care and feeding of themselves, much less anyone else. What if the pet outlives you? Granted this is a concern and one not to be taken lightly. Talk with friends, family members, or senior adoption agencies and come up with a plan. You might be surprised to learn that everything from food deliveries, at home veterinary services, dog-walking and rehoming options are available. Being able to care for someone is what we do and what we need. Pet Therapy has been used for years to relieve stress, reduce feelings of loneliness, and even offers physical health benefits. What’s not to love? Of course seniors need to consider their own health and capabilities before committing to the care of a pet. Puppies and kittens are too much, but what about adopting a senior pet. Older pets need just as much love, if not more, and make perfect companions. Welcome a mature companion into your home. They are already housebroken, and their personalities are pretty much set. What you see is what you get. They have outgrown their energetic phase, and will adapt to your needs, whether you want someone to exercise or just someone to hang out with. Friends who have pets seldom complain about depression or loneliness.

Senior to Senior: Invisibility

Old people are invisible. How does that make you feel? If you feel insignificant, unrecognized, and unimportant to others you may have bought into this theory. Everyone has the right to feel that they matter to others and that their presence, needs, and opinions have relevance. Invisibility. It could be your gray hair, the slower gait, or just your quiet demeaner, but in essence it is more likely how you feel about yourself. It’s not just you. Unless you are an actor or a sports figure you have probably been invisible for years; you just notice it more now. If you think of invisibility as a gift, you might find it more palatable. You get to spend more time in your head, which isn’t a bad place to be. You no longer need to worry about what others think, or don’t think, about you. You can play the invisible card anytime you please. The payoff is peace, and solitude on demand. Learn how to enjoy this perceived invisibility. You can get away with most anything if people don’t see you. Nobody knows if you accidentally donned mismatched earring, or if your shoes don’t match, or if you can’t remember if you combed your easy “demented pixie” hairdo this morning. I’ve done all those things at one time or another, but so what. Friends thought it was funny, but most others didn’t even notice. People in general are so self-absorbed that if you aren’t in their immediate circle, they forget that you exist, unless you do something outrageous. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Speak your mind. Having several college degrees and a lifetime of experience should count for something. You are here, you are well informed, and your voice matters. You can be as visible as you want to be but know that your behaviors speak as loudly as your words. Take charge, be confident, take care of yourself. Make yourself a part of every equation. Be visibility by having compassion for others and by treating them well. Act with sincerity and for heaven’s sake, be nicer to others than they are to you.

Senior to Senior: Learn Something New

If you aren’t a reader, you may think reading fiction is a waste of time, but if you give books, and even some television shows, a chance, you might find a few nuggets of wisdom inserted between the lines. I read at least 4 books a week, so I don’t remember which author suggested it, but the idea of learning one new thing each year struck a chord. Other sources suggested daily or weekly sojourns into the unknown; not to become experts but to try as many new experiences as possible. It is never too late to learn something new. Seniors often resist because they think that they are too old, not good enough, or they have the ridiculous idea that they don’t have time. You don’t have to tackle anything earth shaking, but you might want to try something slightly out of your comfort zone. It turns out that your brain likes challenges, and in the long run will thank you for it. Retirement is a great time to try out this new theory. It can be anything. What piques your interest? Do-it-yourself projects, gardening, mastering electronics, playing an instrument or learning a new language. More than a third of the people over 50 have successfully learned a new talent or hobby and they feel better, both mentally and physically, because of it. Stop thinking it is too late or that you are too old to change your ways. No matter what age or what season of your life you are in, there is still much to experience. Stop worrying about what other people think. It doesn’t matter if you just accept that it might take a little longer, or that it might be a little harder than when you were twenty. Don’t worry about looking silly; no one else cares. Besides seniors are allowed to be a little “eccentric.” Go for it! Resolve to do one new thing a day, a week, a year. Take an ax-throwing class, learn how to swim, study history, learn how to knit, or travel somewhere you haven’t been before. The possibilities are endless.

Senior to Senior: Creativity

Many years ago, when I was still young, I worried about the longevity of a favorite author. For reasons unknown, the picture on the book jacket was of, what I thought at the time, an old woman. The book was good, but I doubted whether the author would be able to write more of them. Thankfully, I was wrong. The author went on to write 29 books in that delightful series, and I read them all, many times. I learned my lesson. Creativity is not only timeless, but it has nothing at all to do with age. The best part is that creativity and well-being work hand in hand, so what’s not to love. Studies show that creative endeavors can protect your brain against premature aging. Mental acuity and better mental health, what could be more important than that? Creativity endeavors, what does that even mean? Researchers throw the door wide open and include such activities as solving puzzles, singing or dancing, drawing, painting or sculpting, crafting, and creative writing. But that’s not all. Throw in playing an instrument, gardening, cooking or anything else that stretches your imagination. There are many ways to be creative. How do you spark your creativity? By not buying into the thought that some people are creative, and some are not. Creativity is universal. You’ve all heard the adage “use it or lose it.” It’s true. Even pursuits such as knitting, quilting, or weight training need a certain amount of creativity, and they all need to be done often to build even a modicum of proficiency. Creativity isn’t limited to the arts, or even to achieving total mastery. Do not compare yourself to geniuses in the field. Enjoying the process is more important than focusing on the end game. Don’t despair if your painting, or whatever, looks like something a child might do (laugh). Have you visited an art gallery lately? All people have the potential to be creative, but not all people give themselves permission to follow their passions. If you are interested in staying healthy and living longer, think of ways to stretch your creative muscles.

Senior to Senior: Time Management

Commercials can be annoying, but at times a certain song or a turn of phrase will remain in your memory long after the product is no longer on the market. One that resonated with me was a simple reminder that the only thing we never have enough of is time. Sobering thought isn’t it. The older we get the faster time seems to fly by. The years between 0-10, or even 10-20, seemed to have been an eternity, but when you reach 60, 70 or 80 you may beg to differ. You may even find yourself praying for it to slow down; so many things that you still want to do. When you first retire an endless amount of time seems to stretch out before you, but it doesn’t take long to realize how fleeting it really is. Hopefully you aren’t wasting time doing worthless tasks, holding grudges, sulking, or being mired in self-pity. We all need to do better than that. We need to figure out how to use our time wisely. Do something good today, such as helping someone else, showing your spouse some love and respect, letting your children know how much you love them, or maybe just honoring yourself. Think about it. Using your time wisely is an art form. Each morning figure out what you would like to do with your day and go from there. Go ahead. A to-do list is timeless. Even now, you may find that you can’t possibly get everything on your list done, which can be frustrating. Remember how you used to prioritize? Do it now, by estimating how much time you want to spend on each task. Convince your inner critic that, while you want to feel purposeful, you don’t want to feel harried. Schedule some time for yourself. In fact, make it number one on your list. Keep in mind that leisure time is a precious commodity, and it is just as important as finishing the ironing. Make each moment count. Slow down.

Senior to Senior: Fear of Falling

Fear of Falling Who knew that a tiny wobble, a momentary loss of balance, could be life changing. If you happen to mention your “fall” to your nearest and dearest, they will hover around you with worried expressions on their faces. It’s time to push back. Do whatever it takes to protect yourself and your independence. Falls are the leading cause of injury in adults over 60. My cousin stubbed her toe, lost her balance, and crashed against the oven door the other day. She is fine, but of course the oven door will never be the same. Shaken but not injured, she regrouped and made it to her recliner. She didn’t want, or need, to use her Medic Alert button but she let her family know what had happened. Of course, they overreacted, but that’s to be expected. Seniors are vulnerable to falls. Everyone talks about the changes the body undergoes when entering teen years, but it is nothing compared to what happens when you get older. We are now talking about muscle weakness, decreased balance, and changes in vision. You don’t have to swaddle yourself in bubble wrap, but you can pay attention to changes that are occurring. Be proactive; learn what you can do to protect yourself. Physical decline is an inevitable part of life. Loss of muscle strength and flexibility due to chronic conditions such as arthritis, diabetes, and neuromuscular diseases make you vulnerable. Not to mention that some of the medications that you may be taking can cause dizziness, drowsiness, or even a drop in blood pressure. Pay attention. Senior proof your home and much as you hate the idea, adopt an approved exercise program. Learn how to manage any chronic conditions and adopt a healthier lifestyle. Fear of falling is paralyzing, almost as bad or maybe worse than the fall itself. To a young person a fall can be embarrassing and painful, but to a senior with fragile bones, it can threaten everything they hold dear. Still, a fall doesn’t have to be a one-way ticket to a care facility. Face your fears, seek medical advice, and make prevention a priority.

Senior to Senior: Past Mistakes

Not everyone looks forward to retirement. Leaving everything that is familiar behind is scary. There are so many decisions to be made, decisions that go above and beyond how much money you may, or may not, have amassed. Rich or poor, retirement is difficult in so many ways. People in their 70’s and 80’s have been retired for a very long time, and hopefully have it all figured out. They have learned the hard way that forgiving themselves for past mistakes and moving on, is of utmost importance. “Old Timers” watch new retirees with interest. They watch them filling their days with endless activities, trying to fill the void left by empty nests and empty careers. It’s a bitter pill to swallow when you discover that your job was easily filled by someone else, and that your children are fine on their own. The question is not only “what I am going to do with my time,” but on coming to terms with the past. Thoughts about “today” and the “future” loom large. Everyone has a few regrets and perhaps it is time to put old demons to rest. Time to make peace if you stepped on too many toes or squelched too many relationships to get ahead. Time doesn’t erase everything. Nagging thoughts of who you might have bullied, manipulated, cheated, or used as you moved through life may haunt you. You may wonder if you should try to make amends or atone in some way, for simply being a jerk. You may, or may not, be the same person you were when you were young, eager, and perhaps a bit ruthless. You can ignore your past, work things out by yourself, or seek therapy, depending on how egregious you were. A therapist will undoubtedly suggest that you should stop obsessing over unwise actions, forgive yourself, and look ahead. Regardless of your sins, you are, or can be, a different person now.

Senior to Senior: A Hobby

Stuck indoors again. What’s a senior to do? Empty nest, retirement, and health issues may be limiting your world as we speak. Heat, air quality, transportation, and decreased mobility all combine to keep you separated from family, friends, and even neighbors. Enforced isolation is okay for a day or two, a week or two, even a month but you must admit that things aren’t looking too promising. I know, even the tidiest person in the world can only spend so much time decluttering, cleaning, or writing letters. What you really need to think about is finding something to do that will keep you from going crazy. Remember the art class that you enjoyed in high school? The exercise videos that you bought, or the dozens of do-it-yourself projects that you started. Someday, you always said, when you had “time.” Well, that “someday” is here, and “time” isn’t all it is cracked up to be, and that too much is almost as bad as not enough. What to do? Now might be a good time to do some research. Think abouts joining the world of meaningful hobbies. There’s nothing like a good project to give you a certain sense of satisfaction. A hobby can help you develop new skills, cope with stress, and keep your brain healthy. Just like your old job, but better, and it can keep you from developing bad habits and wasting your time. You can work independently or share your trials and tribulation with others. Whether you join an on-line group, find a club at your senior center, or work alone is up to you. There are dozens of potential hobbies from which to choose. The main categories include adventure, art, crafts, collectibles, games and do-it-yourself projects. A hobby may be as simple as welcoming a new pet into your home, learning a new skill, or researching your family tree. Take your time and do some research. Daydream a little. Surely something will grab you. Keep in mind that your first pick doesn’t have to be “the one.” Give yourself a break, but most of all, put that enforced isolation, better known as “free time,” to work.

Senior to Senior: Challenges

Many of the challenges associated with aging deal with physical disabilities, but they are just the tip of the iceberg. The two-thirds of the iceberg that you can’t see is more insidious; it is about what is going on in your head. A friend wrote that she hardly ever had good days anymore. This made me very sad, because I believe that every day should be a good day. It is relatively easy to senior proof your home, but memory loss, depression, anxiety, and loneliness are harder to deal with. We did things backwards when we were young and foolish. We worried more about gray hair and crow’s feet than we did about who we wanted to be when we grew up. Much of the angst is a generational thing. Young old agers may find it a bit easier, but for older folks, balancing good days with not so good days is hard work. Older seniors get stuck in a time warp because they don’t want to be a bother. When someone asks them if something is wrong them, they either talk your ear off about their “symptoms,” or they whisper, “I am fine,” when things may not be fine at all. There is a huge psychological disconnect separating the generations. Nowadays everyone shares their problems, and they talk freely about support groups and therapy sessions. You probably think this is a good thing for “them,” but not for “you. If you could just feel relevant again. That isn’t asking too much, is it? You are the only one who can make yourself relevant. Stop thinking about how old you are and focus on being “other centered.” This means starting each day thinking of ways you can be nice to someone, including yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big something. Smile at the jogger running by, write a letter, call a friend or offer to get something from the store for a neighbor. Share a plate of warm cookies or crochet a baby blanket for charity. Make someone else’s day. You may find that you can have a good day as well.

Senior to Senior: Learn to Adapt

Aging well is all about accepting and adapting. Aging happens to the best of us. Aches, pains, stiffness, and a plethora of other medical issues are all waiting in the wings. Are you ready? Deny it if you please. I’ve been doing it for years, but unwelcome changes are already happening. Many of these changes impose limitations on both physical and mental capabilities. Fortunately for us, clever people have been busy designing tools and gadgets to help us out. The other good thing is that researchers assure us that fewer people succumb to dementia and catastrophic illnesses than you might suppose. This is encouraging to say the least, but we still must do our part. A friend of mine sent a picture of her new three-wheel bike. She didn’t like that she had to switch to what she called an “old lady” model, but she had a smile on her face. She accepted and adapted. As a result, she can continue to enjoy the out of doors, get some much-needed exercise, and make new friends (people who think the new bike is the coolest thing they have ever seen) for years to come. The dog, in the basket, was smiling too. A win-win situation. How are you going to handle all this? Can you accept a three-wheeler, a scooter, a walker, a cane, or whatever it takes to get you out and about, or are you going to be a “dick” and let your limitations define who you are? Seriously, you may not be able to run a marathon or play tennis anymore, but you can play pickleball, frisbee golf, or other less vigorous activities. It’s not all about sports either, it’s about everyday life. Being older doesn’t mean that you must give up everything you love. Learn how to cope by developing new strategies that will allow you to compensate for your dwindling reserves. Despite research and well-meaning fitness guru’s you may not be able to fix everything, but you can give it your best shot. Work within your own boundaries and explore your options. There are many ways to make your life easier, safer, and more enjoyable. How adaptable you allow yourself to be will determine how happy you can be.