Senior to Senior: Helicopter Families

It makes me sad to see vibrant seniors, who have served as caregivers and heads of their own households, lose their sense of self. Often this occurs when the unthinkable happens, the loss of a spouse. Of course, it is great to be cosseted and to be surrounded by love, but the aftermath can be scary. The danger of being caught up in a “poor me” scenario looms. Families swoop in to provide comfort and support, but the dynamics change, and something else happens. Before you know it, you find yourself stepping back as your loved ones commandeer your life. Your sense of self takes a nosedive. Too much busyness and too much support can prevent the new widow/widower from going through the well-studied grieving process. Without grief there is no healing. Without healing it is impossible to move forward. Gently take your life back. Stand up for yourself. Do not get too comfortable in this newfound cocoon of dependency. Of course, everyone needs comfort and support, but never forget that you deserve to be given a chance to redefine yourself. Age does not define personal growth. There is nothing worse than losing your sense of self. You have heard of the term helicopter parenting. Whether you approved or even participated is moot. You probably thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but what happens when the shoe is on the other foot, when your children start making decisions for you? Motivated by love, yes, but what happens to “you” when they swoop in and decide that you need to be “taken care of”? It doesn’t take long for an independent senior to start doubting his/her capabilities. Guidance is something that most seniors welcome, but psychologists suggest that too much guidance can do more harm than good, at any age. Psychological growth occurs when an individual faces life’s challenges and takes part in planning for the “rest of their lives.” Seniors are still people. If treated like passive recipients by their families, they miss out on the chance to remain relevant and to grow.