Smart Senior

Senior Living: What Will Future Generations Inherit From You?

Have you been caught up in the downsizing craze? Are you letting go of precious heirlooms for the sake of streamlining your life?

Before the age of “throw away,” people used and saved everyday items until they could be used no more. Today goods are produced and upgraded at such a terrifying rate that nothing that we have actually wears out. As a result we find ourselves compelled to purge cupboards, closets and attics of still usable items on a regular basis.     

What happens to that old “stuff?” At one time most items were stored in the attic, recycled as hand-me-downs or made the rounds of various thrift shops.  Today we are pressured to get rid of everything that we aren’t currently using. “Old stuff” is no long important to our lives.

One day it will be your turn to decide what to keep and what to throw away.  What will happen to your mothers wedding dress, or that quilt so lovingly stitched by your great grandmother? At what point does a hand knitted sweater, a crocheted afghan, or a wall of high school trophies become less then memorable?    

Whether “stuff” is relegated to the junk pile or turned into an heirloom is up to you.  Have you ever thought about what future generations will inherit from you? “Stuff” doesn’t become an heirloom overnight, it actually has to have been around for several generations, and ideally it is something that will evoke loving memories. Typical examples might include one of a kind clothing, quilts, samplers, christening and baby items, military uniforms, dolls, ethnic rugs and wedding items.

Downsizing has its place; hoarding does not, but downsize selectively. Give a great deal of thought to what could very well become family heirlooms, and learn how to preserve them so that they will be around forever.  Honor your ancestors and keep their stories alive.

 

Senior Living: Let's Ride a Bike

Have you noticed how many of the people bicycling in your neighborhood have gray hair? It is good to know that leisure bike riding is back in vogue. The recent passion for speed and expensive machinery has peaked, and once again bicycle manufacturers are designing bicycles for the rest of us.  Affordable and comfortable models that allow riders to sit upright are back.

Why should bicycling appeal to seniors?  As people enter their 60s and 70s they have two choices; they can embrace a healthy active lifestyle or just let go.  Bicycling is a great way to exercise and have fun at the same time.   You will be pleased to know that you don’t have to train for a marathon in order to reap the benefits.

Bicycling is a great way to exercise: it improves leg strength, balance, fitness and endurance.  It is one exercise where age is never an issue.  There are bicycles, tricycles, and hand cycles that can be adapted to meet special needs. There is a bicycle out there for you.

Are you nervous about getting started? Of course you are, but if you proceed with caution you will be fine. Riding a bicycle never changes; start with a three wheeler or use training wheels if you must, the principle is the same.   Practice the basics (starting, stopping, shifting gears, and turning) in a parking lot where there is plenty of space and little traffic.  Practice until you can control your speed, even on a downhill grade, before you take her out for a true spin.

Treat yourself to a new bike, but not just any bike.  Go to a shop where they know what to do to keep you from getting a backache or hurting your knees. Special handlebars and braking systems can alleviate pressure on sore hands, and cushioned seats will make for a more comfortable ride.    

 Invite family and friends to join you. Age, fitness level or clothing size need not keep you from feeling like a kid again.  Enjoy the freedom of being independently mobile while getting a good workout.    

 

Senior Living: Family Reunions

Summer is the time for family reunions. Reunions bring to mind picnic lunches, softball games, three legged races and all sorts of fun activities, but most of all it is an opportunity to connect with family.   

It is good for families to do things together, but organizing a reunion will take more planning than putting together a backyard barbeque.

Ball games, swim meets, garden weddings and family picnics often take place during the hottest part of the day.  It is important to keep in mind that babies and older adults do not tolerate direct sunlight and soaring temperatures.

Reserve a picnic area with a covered dining/cooking area, shade trees, and an unobstructed view of ball fields and playgrounds.  Close proximity to restroom facilities is a must.  It wouldn’t hurt to take turns, or assign someone, to accompany junior and senior family members to the facilities on a regular basis. This way they aren’t stuck sitting for hours waiting for that illusive 7th inning stretch. 

Be thoughtful about helping older members of your party to the buffet table or offer to prepare plates of their favorite foods for them.  Worry about losing seats, leaving purses unattended or balancing plates of goodies can be stressful for those in unfamiliar surroundings.

 Be sure to pack extra umbrellas, sunscreen, insect repellent, wide brimmed hats, portable fans and plenty of cool beverages.

Medical emergencies are always a possibility when traveling/caring for seniors. Be aware of potential medical problems such as diabetes, chest pain, or anything that might be exacerbated by summer temperatures. Have a list of phone numbers for doctors, neighbors, and pharmacist as well as a list of medications they take in the event that you need to call 911.

Include elderly relatives whenever the family gathers. Keep them in the loop by spending time with them and engage them in meaningful conversations.   Some you will only see once or twice a year and this is your opportunity to get to know these very interesting people.

 

 

Senior Living: Old Friends

Socialization is everything! Humans are social beings and they need friends in their lives if they want to age successfully, but does there come a time when “less is more”?  A recent article suggested that “downsizing” as you get older should extend to paring down your list of “old friends.”    

What is it that drives people to keep in touch with old friends?  Should you continue to send birthday or Christmas letters to people who may or may not answer back, or should you just let them go?

The word friendship is different today and often it is more about numbers than about people you actually like.  Are Facebook interactions enough, or do you need “real” friends more than ever?  How many friends do you have?  Movies and television sitcoms focus on groups of people who somehow remain “best friends forever,” but does that happen in real life?  How many people do you actually remember from high school or college? How many next door neighbors have you kept in touch with as you move in and out of their lives?  Are shared past memories enough of a reason to keep “casual” relationships alive?

 I think it is. I think we all enjoy hearing from old friends from time to time.  It may just be a letter tucked in with a Christmas card, but if it brightens your day it should be reason enough to keep the relationship alive.

That being said it is still in your best interest to build new relationships.   Surround yourself with upbeat positive pals and avoid those who nag, gossip or complain. Make new friends.  Be a do-gooder.  Volunteer for something at least once a month. Join a club, follow your bliss, go back to school, or go out of your way to speak the person who always seems to be alone. 

 Be a friend. Make a difference. A new friend could be just around the corner.  

 

 

 

Senior Living: The Handshake

A tentative handshake or inability to enjoy a boisterous hug should not make you feel socially inept, but how do you tell the world that?

Does a handshake affect how people perceive you? You bet it does. “Cold fish” is the old fashioned term used to describe a limp lifeless handshake and you can imagine what that says about you.  

 Everyone is expected to not only offer a hand but to shake hands correctly if they want to be taken seriously, but what if you can’t?  Statistics tell us that 55% of people over 65 have arthritis, and hands are particularly vulnerable.

Does not having a strong grip mean that you are socially inept or lack confidence?  I hope not, but at least know that you are not alone if an expected handshake makes you recoil.   

The handshake is a cultural icon but not everyone can respond to this common courtesy.   My friends with arthritis beg me to tell you that handshakes and bone jarring hugs are painful to them.  Your enthusiasm is much appreciated, but try not to judge them if they cannot return the gesture.    

How do you handle the situation?  It gets tiresome always having to explain, but it may be the only way to head of an enthusiastic hug or handshake.  

If a handshake is unavoidable try to grasp the other persons hand first to initiate the contact, or grasp their hand lightly in both of yours.

Social situations call for creativity. You can avoid handshakes by holding something in your right hand, or if you are stuck in a receiving line wear a splint of brace.

In casual situations perhaps a gentle fist bump or a high five will do.  Human contact is important and it sends a lovely message, but it isn’t the whole picture.

 

 

 

 

Senior Living: The Empty Room Syndrome

 

The kids are gone. You want to turn empty bedrooms into rooms you can actually use, but you don’t know if the time is right.  How long do you have to wait before you can pack up the stuffed animals and high school trophies without feeling guilty? 

Mom wants a sewing room and dad wants a quiet place to watch TV, but what if the kids come back or a parent needs a place to stay?  Heaven forbid if infrequent visitors don’t have a bed to sleep in.

 It is possible to have a new office or a sewing room without sacrificing sleeping space.  Remember the Murphy beds?

Space-saving Murphy style beds are once more in the spotlight. You can have room for company without giving up plans for your sewing room or home office.   The Murphy style bed takes up less space than a sofa sleeper or a futon, while offering the comfort of a real bed.   Wall beds aren’t just for studio apartments or vacation homes. New styles of this old classic can easily be built into any room. The beds are sleek, stylish, comfortable and invisible. You won’t even know they are there unless you need to use them.   You will be pleased to learn that the new models (which fit into a wall or cabinet) are easier to raise and lower that the ones you may remember.

It’s your home. Remodeling should be a guilt free process, but of course it won’t be.  It’s true that you are literally pulling the safety net out from under the former occupant, but if you can provide a comfortable bed, a warm meal, and a big hug when they show up, you can pull it off in style.  

 

 

 

 

 

Senior Living: Book Review (Two Old Women)

Many reviews have been written about the book Two Old Women by Velma Wallis, but I couldn’t resist doing just one more.  Every time I read it I learn something new. It is a must read for every senior who has ever doubted his/her own capabilities. It is a spirited reminder that seniors everywhere can be independent, can survive, and can make a difference.

We’ve all heard stories about old people being left behind, but never from the viewpoint of the old people themselves. This book is the story of two old Indian women, left behind to die when their tribe moves on, who manage to survive and prove their worth.  It speaks to all of us.

It is a delightful story in its own right, but it speaks to many issues prevalent in society today.  The abandonment and isolation that occurs when the elderly are shuffled off to live in nursing homes and retirement communities is not so very different.  Instead of seeing honor, dignity, wisdom in the old, we see only pathology and pathos. We feel better about ourselves because our old people are being “well taken care of” and there is no starvation or deprivation involved, but there is still abandonment, and perhaps that is even worse.

Perhaps some of the problem is how the elderly see themselves. The story reminds us a number of times that while they still contributed to communal living the women had fallen into the habit complaining constantly, and requesting more assistance than might have been warranted, just because they could.

At any rate, the two women decide to fight back. Instead of waiting to die they pooled their wisdom and their resources and not only survive but thrived. When the tribe returned they were able to share their bounty and their wisdom. The story is one of adventure, suspense and obstacles to overcome as well as being a message to our humanity.

Seniors themselves need to stop underestimating their capabilities, stop complaining about their infirmities and move forward as the valuable assesses that they are.  

Senior Living: Talking With Hearing Impaired Individuals

Communication and socialization are the glue that holds families, neighborhoods and communities together. Older people who have difficulty hearing and talking to others tend to shy away from social situations.

Have you ever found yourself annoyed or impatient when you’ve had to repeat everything you say three or four times?   It’s frustrating for you, but for just a minute try to put yourself in their place.   Hearing loss is not a given. Not every senior is hard of hearing, but it does happen often enough that you know what I am talking about.

 Have you ever wondered if there was anything you could do to make it easier to communicate with a hearing impaired loved one?  The most important thing to remember is that loss of hearing does not mean loss of intelligence, so don’t treat mom/dad like a child.  Hearing devices aside, lets approach conversation from another perspective. You know about lip reading, but even that is a little more difficult than you might think. You can’t just assume that because you are speaking slowly that they understand what you are saying.  You have to actually learn how lip read and how to lip talk.   

You can take a class together or sit down in front of the computer and look up Lip Reading. There are dozens of sites with videos and other tips that will teach the two of you how to speech-read. Work together.  Start by creating a talking/learning environment:

• Reduce or eliminate background noise (turn off the televisions or radios).
• Sit where your face will be in the light, making lip reading easier.
• Face the person you are talking to directly.
• Remember that if you have your hands in front of your mouth they can’t see your lips.
• Part of lip reading involves reading facial expressions and body language

Lip reading goes beyond just speaking slowly or trying to decipher individual words, it is a whole process.  No more yelling and shouting and feeling frustrated. Sit down together, face to face, and speak clearly in a normal tone of voice. Keep words and sentences short and practice often.  If asked to repeat; repeat once and then rephrase. If what you are saying is important, provide an alternate format (such as writing it down in large letters). Family members and friends of people who are hearing impaired should all learn to lip read in order to appreciate the entire process.  It’s not hard, but it isn’t as easy as you might think either. Go ahead and practice with a hearing friend before you pass judgment.   What do you think?

 

 

Senior Living: Keep in Touch

Just when your kids finally become “real people” they leave the nest.   An empty nest is hard enough, but when they move thousands of miles away they are pretty much gone forever, or so it seems.   

How do you fight the doldrums associated with long term separation?  If you are lucky the kids will try to get home for family reunions or to spend a week at Mom’s house, but truth be told it probably isn’t high on their to-do list. If they do come they are often torn between things to do and other people to see.  Before you know it they are gone again, and you didn’t have time to talk at all.

Reunions or even having houseguests for any length of time is a lot of work for someone and quality time is sparse.   You might want to think about orchestrating a family vacation where everyone can meet on neutral ground.  Consider a resort or a cruise ship.   Plan a vacation that everyone from bored teenagers to avid shoppers can enjoy; without the obligation of someone having to plan, clean, cook, or entertain a host of relatives.  A family vacation is one way to get some “togetherness” into the mix without someone having to expend a lot of time or energy.

 Vacations are nice but getting together once or twice a year is not enough to cement family relationships.   Family interactions need to occur often, and they need to occur regularly.  You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to dash off a note or send someone a box of their favorite candy.  A spontaneous act of kindness can make someone’s day.  Surely you have time for that.   

You can be the one to  get the ball rolling. It doesn’t have to take a lot of time and it doesn’t have to be complicated. Suggestions from some of my friends and family members included:

• Introduce family members to Facebook or other Internet message boards so they can share highlights of their lives. 
• Set up a cell phone plan with unlimited long distant calling and make a habit of calling once or twice a week.  
• A text messages or a picture sent for no reason except to say “thinking of you,” only takes a moment.
• Don’t forget the mail. Write or e-mail often. You don’t have to write a six page letter, a sentence or two is all it takes; keep a basket with cards, addresses, and stamps handy  and send a quick message now and again, just for the fun of it.
• Send a care package to a grandchild away at camp, or to the new college freshman in your life.  Don’t forget the niece or nephew serving in the armed forces; let them know that they are in their thoughts every day.

 Make it happen; absence does not make the heart grow fonder…absence makes the heart ache and allows good relationships to wither and die.

  

 

 

Family Vacations: Take to the Sea

Traveling with the kids, with mom and dad, or even all of them doesn’t have to be a drag.   Extended families have precious little time to spend together; not many of us want this to happen but it does.   Have you ever thought about planning a family vacation?   By vacationing together I don’t mean traveling to someone else’s house and expecting them to clean and cook and entertain you.

 Let’s talk about a real vacation for everybody. What do you think of the idea of meeting on neutral ground and taking a vacation together?  Pick a place, any place, where someone else is in charge of cooking, cleaning, and entertainment.

We just returned from a vacation at sea. Ah, a cruise ship; what could be better than that?  I was amazed at how many of our fellow passengers were traveling, not only with their immediate families, but with entire extended families. I didn’t see anyone who wasn’t having a good time, and how could they not…it a cruise.  Everyone can do pretty much what they want, either individually or with others. There are babysitters for the youngest travelers, supervised activities for children, recreational activities and clubs for teens and a wide range of activities for adults.

So, what is your pleasure?  Do you prefer an afternoon at a spa, a variety of fitness programs, dance lessons or taking a cooking class?  Don’t forget shopping, wine tasting, gambling and game shows. Of course there are dozens of shore excursions to choose from and variety shows available every night.   That’s not to say you can’t park yourself in a deck chair to read, watch for whales or just take a nap; there really is something for everyone.

What do you think about room service, housekeeping, and gourmet meals? Luxurious dining rooms, buffet meals, hamburger and hot dog bars for the kids, and more desserts options than you can even imagine?  Everyone in the family can plan their own mini vacation. It isn’t mandatory that you do everything together; perhaps getting together for dinner is enough.  The idea is that you are there and you are together.  Next time you talk, throw out the idea of taking a family vacation together.