Smart Senior

Senior Living: Longevity and Social Relationships

      

You probably aren’t as social as you think you are.  You may think of yourself as a social being, but what happens if you are not?  When you retire you no longer have a career, a business, or special functions to attend.  There is no place that you have to be.  It is quite a shock when you realize how small your social network actually is. When you leave work you promise to keep in touch with everyone, but you don’t, and you soon learn that your colleagues have moved on without you. Your former social network is no longer there.

The social aspect of work is what kept you sane.  Whether you loved or hated your job was immaterial.  Sharing your feelings with others in the same boat created a special bond.  When that bond no longer exists you are alone, perhaps for the first time in your life.

Your family is your closest support system, but even that isn’t a given.  Relationships, even family relationships, need to be nurtured in order to endure. Not everyone is lucky enough to be a part of a large family.  Some families are small or nonexistent.   The choices that you have made will determine what you need to do now.

As people grow older, family members and friends move away or die.  My favorite cousins have lived in the same area for many years. It is a community where everyone knows everyone else.  Every week or so she tells me that they have attended funeral services for someone they know.  Typically, their circle of friends is getting smaller every year.   Outliving friends and even your own children is a valid fear for many older people.    

People who move into communal or institutional settings find that it is difficult to maintain social relationships on the outside.  Family and friends are often reluctant to visit because of the rules and regulations that govern communal living.  The invitations and visits dwindle until they stop altogether.  Many people opt to stay in their own homes or live with adult children for such reasons.

Relationships are important as you grow older. If you choose to stay in your own home or your own community you have to make the effort to keep the lines of communication open.  If you open your mind and heart and avail yourself of modern technology you can make it happen.  Telephone calls, e-mails, and Skype make keeping in touch as close as your living room.

 Social interaction plays an important role in successful aging.  It will be up to you to make the first move.  Volunteer your services and share your knowledge.  Make those extra years count for something.

Senior Health: Longevity and Your Health

  

I think you can understand that longevity is not going to be a perk if you don’t feel good.  Have you thought about what you will need to do to make sure that longevity is a blessing rather than a curse?    Health Care is a personal responsibility.  You cannot sit back and wait for something to go wrong before you take action.

Health care is changing.  Today health care is about taking care of your body and your mind. The new trend is on wellness.   The focus is on prevention and maintenance.  There is so much information out there that you might not know where to start; but take a deep breath and calm yourself.   The basic concepts haven’t changed as much as you might think.   If you were paying attention you learned just about everything you needed to know in grade school.  It’s a shame if you were too busy, or didn’t care, or didn’t think it applied to you.  If you had paid attention to what your PE/Health teacher had to say you wouldn’t be so worried now.

You are older now, and probably sorry that you didn’t pay more attention during those classes.   Instead you went ahead and did some really dumb things and are now paying the price.  Nobody gets old on purpose.  Nobody gets sick on purpose, but many of the problems associated with aging have been exacerbated by the poor choices made early on.  Improper diets, not enough exercise, smoking and excessive alcohol consumption will eventually wear you down.

Is it too late to start over? The experts tell us that it isn’t too late.  You may never be 100% but the human body is remarkably resilient and forgiving.

Early diagnosis and treatment make the maladies of old age manageable, but following the guidelines are more important than ever.  The outlook will depend on your ability to follow orders in regards to health care, nutrition, exercise and medication protocols.

It is undeniably true that older people are subject to more chronic conditions than when they were younger.  The good news is that many health problems can be prevented or managed with medication and a healthy lifestyle.   Your objective is to live a long and comfortable life.   Get used to that idea.

You may still get sick, suffer an injury, or need surgery but that doesn’t mean you should give up.  It is important to approach convalescence with a positive attitude.  Going to a rehab center does not mean that you get to loll around and let others wait on you.  Eat good meals, do the therapy and focus on getting well as quickly as possible.   It takes more than rest and medications to get well. When you are sick you feel weak; when you are weak you feel sicker.  You will be asked to push yourself hard because weakness makes you vulnerable to other illnesses or injuries.  Take advantage of medical technology.  Get treatment.  Have your hips and knees replaced if necessary and keep on going.  If you are going to live a long time you want those years to be as good as they can possibly be don’t you?

 

Senior Living: Financial Planning - Can You Afford Life as You Know It?

        

Thousands of books have been written about finances and retirement.  Unfortunately most of them don’t look far enough into the future.   If you are entertaining the idea of living well into your 90s or beyond, you are going to give financial planning closer scrutiny.  We aren’t just talking about what you will leave your heirs, but about how you are going to be able to continue living life as you know it today.

People get into the habit of living from pay check to pay check during their affluent years, but what happens after retirement?  If you haven’t been paying attention to your finances, expenses, investments, debt, taxes, and any other assets you may have, you may be in for a rude awakening.  If you don’t have money to cover basic needs your lifestyle is going to be seriously limited.   Even people with retirement savings may find that they don’t have enough money coming in to pay the bills, much less handle a serious illness.

So, how long do you have to work until you can afford not to work for the rest of your life?  In this economy it may be longer than you think.  Where will your income be coming from?  Will your income be able to handle unexpected emergencies?

Guard your money.  Get rich schemes should never be considered.  Older people are easy targets for scam artists so hold your money near and dear.  It has become common practice for young wage earners to live beyond their means.  This has to stop.  When you get older you no longer have the time to catch up or make up the difference between what comes in and what goes out.  The time has come when you absolutely must learn how to live below your means.

Managing your money is a full time job.  Who will manage your money as an adviser or representative if you can no longer manage?  If you are managing your money and your investments now, could your spouse take over that responsibility if something happened to you?  Financial experts often recommend setting up a trust with several individuals working together to protect your interests.

Longevity as well as the shifting economy may mean that leaving a sizeable estate for children and grandchildren is no longer a given.  At this point meeting your own basic needs it a priority; as well as making sure that your family doesn’t go into debt caring for you. Your future has to have a place for you in it.

 

 

 

 

Senior Living: Who Will Take Care of You?

                   

Independence and being able to take care of your own health and well being is a good thing, but what if that isn’t always possible? The downside to longevity is that you may not have a support system when you need it most.  This is a topic that most of us don’t want to think about, but if you live 90 plus years you are going to need help in one way or another.

Needless to say, the article by Pamela Yip in the weekend issue (April 21, 2013) of the Herald (www.Heraldnet.com/business) caught my eye.  The article (www.dallasnews.com/business/columnists) touched on this very important topic, and raised questions that we all need to think about.  I was not surprised, after years of working with seniors, to read that the number of people who do not have a support system in place is on the rise.  Have you thought about what this could mean to you? 

Many seniors are hopeful that family members will step forward when the time comes, but this isn’t always an option.  You don’t have to read very many advice columns to realize how that many people are estranged from family members or are in long distant relationships.   Many people, who are single, divorced, widowed, or live alone for one reason or another find themselves in this category.   Whatever the reason, the end result is that more and more people are finding themselves alone as they grow older.

People who face this dilemma need to think about it in advance; before something catastrophic happens to them.  Most will need to investigate the sources of support and care available to them in the retirement facility or the community that they call home.  It is quite essential to have someone to take on both financial and medical powers of attorney for you in the event that you can not make decisions yourself.

Your support system may have to consist of people other than relatives.  Of course this means that you need to cultivate friendships and connections on your own.  Look into community organizations that serve seniors.  Your church, a local senior center or any division on aging can point you in the right direction.  Ideally, the person you entrust with having financial and medical powers of attorney for you will be someone who knows and respects your wishes.   Be active in your community and church so that you aren’t just another face in a crowd, and consider mending fences with family members if it isn’t too late.   I’ve known many people who have reconnected with grandchildren or other distant relatives during these most difficult times.

Senior Living: Longevity (Keeping Busy as You Grow Older)

   

What will you do if you find yourself alive and well at 90 or even 100 years of age?   This idea isn’t as far fetched as you might think.  Advances in science and medicine are making health and longevity a very likely prospect.   The biggest concern is how you are going to afford to keep yourself in the manner you have become accustomed.  

Work is a good thing. A job not only provides intellectual stimulation but often makes up the bulk of your social network.   Many people can’t wait for retirement, but others find the idea frightening and socially unacceptable.  If you want to work longer but find your job too physically or emotionally challenging you could be caught in the middle.  For your own mental health you might need to consider working part time or looking into a second career.  Delaying retirement is certainly something many have thought about.

Is working in your first career field even an option?   Pilots, military personal, police officers and others have mandatory retirement laws.   High stress careers such as nursing, teaching, or corporate leadership roles are difficult to sustain.   It isn’t unusual for people to want more sanity in their lives as they grow older.

Some businesses are good about adapting the work environment to meet the needs of older employees, but others just want to have them gone.   However, recent articles in business journals are reporting that there is a growing demand for temporary and contract work.  This type of work might be perfect for the mature worker who would love to be able to take breaks between assignments.  Hopefully, by the time the baby boomers reach their 80s mandatory retirement laws will be changed so that older workers will have more options. 

If you retire at 65 what are you going to be doing in your 80s, 90s and possibly longer?  Some will delay retirement, plan for a second career, do volunteer work, or just quite working altogether.  Some will return to school, turn a hobby into a career, work at something mindless but socially fulfilling, or end up being a caregiver for a spouse or grandchildren.

 Those who are able to stop working altogether will have time to enjoy sports, hobbies, and travel as well as spending quality time with their families.   Some people are eager to pursuit advanced degrees or take life long learning classes for the sheer joy of learning.  The increasing availability of college courses provides wonderful opportunities for the senior student.

Hopefully you will have a ready answer when someone asks you what you are going to do with all of your extra time.  It would be nice if you could be enthusiastic when you near 100 as you were when you were 50. 

Senior Living: The Future is Now

          

What do you think about your future?  Seniors are more apt to think about what they are leaving to their children and their grandchildren than they are about themselves. This is certainly understandable, but let’s look a little closer to home.  What about your future?

I read an article by Verne Wheelwright in an issue of The Futurist (www.wfs.org/futurist) magazine (Nov/Dec 2010) and it had more food for thought than I would have imagined.  The article “strategies for living a very long life” were projections into the future but not in a science fiction sense.   Believe it or not, the future is right now. The article took a peek not only at what is ahead, but at what is happening right now.

 People are living longer and are healthier than they were a very short time ago.   Advances in science and medicine are predicting that these numbers are going to increase both quality of life and life expectancy in the immediate future.  What do these predictions and statistics mean to you?

 Seniors have had a tendency not to plan very far into the future.  They have always figured that they didn’t have much time left so it really didn’t concern them.  However, times are changing rapidly, and our future is about to become more complicated

 This future is already happening, so don’t scoff and think that this doesn’t apply to you.   Planning for old age takes on a whole new meaning if you have to plan for 10 or 20 more years than you had anticipated.

 What would it mean to you if you were told that you might live more than 100 years and still be in good health?  How would that change your life today?   What will you do to keep your life interesting?  What would you do differently if you thought that your retirement years would be calculated in decades rather than a few years?   Will you be happy with the way your life plays out?  Would simply being alive and healthy be enough?

I worked with seniors for many years and most of them were in awe of the fact that they were still alive and in better shape than they thought possible.  They all said that if they would have known that they were going to live so long they would have done things differently. What would you do differently? I would like to examine these thoughts over the next few weeks (input welcome) about what strategies you would use to ensure a good life?   Thank you to The Futurist magazine for reminding us that we still do have a future.

Senior Living: Beyond Grand Parenting

         

Being a mom or a dad and then a grandparent is a lifetime of hard work. Many seniors have been so occupied with family dynamics that they don’t know what to do, or how to act, when that period is over.   It is hard to let go.  Dear Abby fielded a question from a busy dedicated ex-mom/ ex-grandmother the other day.  The woman wrote in asking for help with getting her life back on track.  The troubling question came up because she could sense that her previous role was not only not needed, but not as welcomed as it once was.  Instead of sulking and feeling depressed she wanted to move on, but didn’t know where to start. 

Dear Abby in her infinite wisdom reeled off a list of things to think about.  The list went beyond the usual grand parenting advice about maintaining a working relationship with children and grandchildren.  She was assured that it was okay to back off without having to feel guilty or feel selfish. She can still be available to help out without seeming to micro-manage their lives.

You don’t have to be so busy that you shut others out, but you do want to develop your own interests.  Think back, she suggested, to the interests and dreams that you had before going away to school that first time.  Childhood stopped and it was time to be practical.  You had to go to school to learn how to do something that actually led to a decent job.  Most of the young people I knew trained to be either nurses or teachers.  The rest went off to business schools to learn how to be office managers.  It was the beginning of the sensible pursuits that ultimately led to marriage and family.  Despite a lifetime of being sensible, there were probably a few subjects in High School that you were deeply interested in, even passionate about.  Was it history, or literature, or art work?  For me, it was art.  High School art classes were really fun.  I enjoyed them and actually seemed to have a little talent along those lines.  Art school, of course, was not an option. I remember thinking that “someday” I would be able to pursue my interest in drawing and painting.  That someday didn’t arrive until forty years later.  Has your “someday” arrived yet?

What were your interests from way back then?  Were you in the drama club and dreamed of being an actress/actor, did you want to study photography, paint landscapes or finally read the set of classics that you have been saving?    Do you want to travel, landscape a flower garden, speak a foreign language, start a journal or write a novel?  Your “someday” could be now.

Not everyone wants to be a writer or an artist.   If being a mother, a father or a grand parent was all you ever wanted to do, that is just fine.  You don’t have to let that go.  Dear Abby suggested being a foster parent, volunteering for a literacy program, or being a classroom assistant.  There are many agencies and programs that will allow you to work with children.  Your skills and your love will be much appreciated.

Seniors and Relationships: Grandparents and Grandchildren

  

At times it may seem that grandparents are either “too old” or too ‘old fashioned’ to appreciate the dynamics of a modern family.   Down deep you know that family history and cultural values are important, but you may not know how to bring everyone together.  As a parent, how do you make sure that both your parents and your children feel that they are a part of something truly wonderful?

Being a grandparent should mean more than running a free babysitting service.  The word family implies that a relationship exists, and we all know that relationships take work.  This topic is addressed often in books and newspaper articles so the concept isn’t entirely foreign.  Here are a few suggestions that sounded good to me:

• Invite the grandparents along to the child’s activities.  No one can ever have too many people cheering them on.  Remember to take camp chairs or sports cushions along to make sure bleacher activities are comfortable for all.

• Invite the grandparents to your house rather than always going to theirs.  They shouldn’t have to feel that they have to put on a big spread every time you get together. 

• If the family does gather at your parent’s home, don’t forget to help with the dishes.  Stay at a hotel if you feel that noise and over stimulation will be an issue.  It isn’t just for their sake but for your own sanity as well.

• Find something fun that you can do together.  What about playing cards? The senior centers are filled with people who enjoy playing cards.   Kids like to play too.  Fun has no age limit.   Encourage grandparents to share their passions.  A grandparent who loves to cook or one with a passion for photography would be happy to share skills with others.  An evening of sharing could be an eye-opener at all.

• Grandparents may seem rude and inflexible to teenagers; and teenage angst may be more than a grandparent can stand.  As a third party you need to mediate and remind both that a little give and take on both sides is not only expected but important.

Older people often feel uncomfortable around new and rebellious young people, but perhaps there are two sides to that coin.     Encourage tolerance and communication.   Drawing pictures, celebrating special occasions, writing letters, sending e-mails and mementos are a start.   Vacation together.  Learn together.  Play together.

 

 

Senior Health: Hire a Companion Sitter to Help During Hospital Admissions

 

A hospital stay is unsettling under any circumstances, but for a senior it can easily become a real nightmare.  Unfamiliar surroundings, strangers, senses dulled by poorly metabolized medications, and pain can all contribute to a state of confusion and disorientation.  Deprived of mental and physical stimulation the consequences can be dire.  Friends and family members will all stop by, but we all know that it is impossible for them to be there twenty-four hours a day.

A hospital is no place to be left alone, but alone your mom or dad will be.  Busy nurses are responsible for many patients, and they simply cannot provide the continual monitoring that an older patient may need.  Even with adequate staffing and the latest monitoring equipment, the older patient will be left alone much of the time.  A senior being left alone is an accident waiting to happen.  It isn’t that they are being neglected, or that no one cares, but it really does “take a village” to ensure a safe environment.

How would you feel if you woke up in a strange room with an oxygen tube, a catheter, and intravenous providing fluids and pain medication? You don’t remember what happened, you don’t know where you are, and nothing is familiar to you.  Pretty frightening don’t you think?  Disorientated or sedated patients can easily injure themselves.   It only takes an instant for a serious accident to happen.   A senior does not handle pain, medications, or isolation as well as you might think.

Your loved one needs someone with them all the time during a hospitalization.  The problem of course is that family members are busy or not available at all.  They also may feel that they are already paying more than they can afford.  This all may be true, but a hospital simply cannot not provide the kind of care that an older patient needs.  Hiring a hospital sitter (a caregiver who provides round-the-clock companionship and monitoring for a patient) for those first critical days can save you money in the long run.  A sitter can keep watch, run errands, be there when an unconscious patient wakes up, read to them, or just hold a hand.  It can make a difference.

A hospital sitter does not replace a nurse.  They do not assist with physical care and know to stay out of the way of hospital staff.  If the patient has an urgent need the sitter summons a staff member.   I know, you really hate the idea of hiring someone to just “be there” but it is important and will facilitate recovery in the long run.  A sitter can provide much needed TLC (tender loving care) as well of peace and mind for the whole family.  The family members can go home and rest knowing that their loved one will never be alone.  You can ask your doctor, a nurse, or a hospital social worker to help arrange this type of help.

 

 

 

 

 

A Hired Companion: A Different Kind of Senior Home Care

 

The senior care industry is growing, and by all indications will continue to grow as seniors opt to stay in their own homes.  It is unfortunate that the medical model is the only type of home care that most people know about.   Visions of matronly nurse-types come to mind and you think of them as caregivers in the true sense of the word, but home care isn’t always about personal care and medical check-ups.   Some home care franchises offer companionship and non-medical assistance

 Let’s face it.  Even independent seniors like and need to get out and about on occasion.   Your mother/father might be doing fine at home but they may long for the days when they could go out on their own.  A hair cut, a physical therapy session, lunch in town, a trip to the grocery store, or even a movie could be very librating.   Asking a family member to provide transportation, and an arm to hang on to, is not the same feeling as having a friend to go places with. A companion not only provides all important human contact, but also served to reassures family members that someone is checking in on a loved one when they cannot.

Generally speaking the family takes it on themselves to provide transportation to appointments outside the home or facility.  Working families have to rearrange their lives in order to meet these needs and it is difficult.  It is difficult for them because they have jobs, and it is difficult for the senior who already feels that they are a burden.   Sadly, most outings occur only when medical attention is required.  In all of my years working with seniors, I only knew one lady who took advantage of a companionship service, and I remember thinking what a great idea that was.  It gave her an excuse to get dressed up and to go out into her old community on a regular basis.   Medical and housekeeping personnel definitely have a role in home care, but there may be times when a parent doesn’t want to be seen in public with someone that looks like a caregiver.

Some home care agencies offer non-medical assistance with services that include everything from meal preparation and light housework to companionship.    One of the CNN channels aired a segment on what might be called “concierge care” last week, which could best be described as a rent-a-daughter, granny nanny, or a Girl Friday to take seniors out and about.  Home care is not covered by Medicare so has to be privately arranged, but what a wonderful gift.  It isn’t that expensive and it is a gift that can be appreciated by everyone in the family.