Being a mom or a dad and then a grandparent is a lifetime of hard work. Many seniors have been so occupied with family dynamics that they don’t know what to do, or how to act, when that period is over. It is hard to let go. Dear Abby fielded a question from a busy dedicated ex-mom/ ex-grandmother the other day. The woman wrote in asking for help with getting her life back on track. The troubling question came up because she could sense that her previous role was not only not needed, but not as welcomed as it once was. Instead of sulking and feeling depressed she wanted to move on, but didn’t know where to start.
Dear Abby in her infinite wisdom reeled off a list of things to think about. The list went beyond the usual grand parenting advice about maintaining a working relationship with children and grandchildren. She was assured that it was okay to back off without having to feel guilty or feel selfish. She can still be available to help out without seeming to micro-manage their lives.
You don’t have to be so busy that you shut others out, but you do want to develop your own interests. Think back, she suggested, to the interests and dreams that you had before going away to school that first time. Childhood stopped and it was time to be practical. You had to go to school to learn how to do something that actually led to a decent job. Most of the young people I knew trained to be either nurses or teachers. The rest went off to business schools to learn how to be office managers. It was the beginning of the sensible pursuits that ultimately led to marriage and family. Despite a lifetime of being sensible, there were probably a few subjects in High School that you were deeply interested in, even passionate about. Was it history, or literature, or art work? For me, it was art. High School art classes were really fun. I enjoyed them and actually seemed to have a little talent along those lines. Art school, of course, was not an option. I remember thinking that “someday” I would be able to pursue my interest in drawing and painting. That someday didn’t arrive until forty years later. Has your “someday” arrived yet?
What were your interests from way back then? Were you in the drama club and dreamed of being an actress/actor, did you want to study photography, paint landscapes or finally read the set of classics that you have been saving? Do you want to travel, landscape a flower garden, speak a foreign language, start a journal or write a novel? Your “someday” could be now.
Not everyone wants to be a writer or an artist. If being a mother, a father or a grand parent was all you ever wanted to do, that is just fine. You don’t have to let that go. Dear Abby suggested being a foster parent, volunteering for a literacy program, or being a classroom assistant. There are many agencies and programs that will allow you to work with children. Your skills and your love will be much appreciated.
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