Living on your own can be difficult at any age, but especially trying if you have spent a lifetime caring for and/or being cared for by others. It doesn’t help that others assume that older people who live alone feel isolated and lonely.
It is possible for older people to live alone, and to do so successfully. It is easier to accept if you can separate the idea that living alone and being lonely are different. Some older people actually like living on their own. Lorna Easterbrook, editor of WwoP (Working with older People) examines some of the assumptions made about older people living alone. People who adjust well think of it as “living on my own” rather than as “living alone”. The focus is on “living” rather than on “alone”. There is a subtle difference if you can pick up on the nuances.
If you have been on the giving or receiving end of a care-giving relationship it will undoubtedly take longer to adjust. You may not realize it, but somewhere along the line you have forgotten how to enjoy your own company. Once you get over the idea that every moment needs to be filled with busyness, it will be easier to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. After all, you never stop being a work in process. If you already enjoy your own company it will be easier. It should feel good to be in control and to do things that you want to do for a change. If you have denied yourself the simple pleasures of a nap or a bubble bath in the middle of the day, you will know what I am talking about. Do you feel guilty if you watch a daytime soap, play tennis in the evening, order a pizza for dinner or fall asleep with the television on? Will the world end tomorrow if you have leftovers for breakfast instead of bacon and eggs? Do what you want to do.
It is good to form connections with others, young and old, that have nothing to do with business luncheons or fund raisers. Be open to accepting all kinds of invitations that will get you out of the house. You may meet some very interesting people. Living alone means that there is only one of you, so all chores associated with independent living will have to be done by you. Cooking, housework, yard work and home maintenance will all fall on your shoulders. This may cut seriously into your periods of self fulfillment and may make you reconsider where you want to live. .
Rediscovering who you are could be the adventure of a lifetime. Give yourself a chance before jumping into another relationship just because you are alone. So, what do you want to be when you grow up? What were you doing before your plans were derailed by school, job, marriage and children? No ideas? Now is the time to explore your options, and gain new experiences. Over the next few days I would like to examine some of the issues that occur when you find yourself living on your own. Please ask questions and share experiences.
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