We don’t seem to look at the idea of grown children returning to the family home in quite the same way as when a parent moves in with an adult child. A parent moving in is often seen as more of an intrusion; perhaps because few of us know how handle the dynamics of this relationship. We should though; there really isn’t much difference.
Grown children moving back home with mom and dad is the commonest intergenerational situation, but the reverse isn’t far behind these days. The key of course is each person taking it upon themselves to make the situation work. Parents have to stop being hyper-critical and they have to stop treating adult children like kids needing to be taken care of. Kids, on the other hand, have to stop treating parents and grandparents like big children who have stopped having minds of their own. You wouldn’t be micro-managing the lives of an adult stranger who was renting a room or a suite of rooms in your house would you?
It is not easy to have a parent (child) move into the family home again. Adult parents need to see their children as grown-up people and treat them accordingly, but the same applies to children treating older adults with respect and consideration. Both parties need to nurture and encourage independence in the other.
Hopefully you have taken into consideration whether you have enough physical space to accommodate another person in your house, or if you are willing to give up the privacy that only living alone can give you. It is rather like marriage except that you may have a lot more old issues to resolve. My family is as dysfunctional as the next; my in-laws were cranky, opinionated, and stubborn and we had to walk on egg shells to keep peace. Grandma would have adapted because she was quite feisty but it would have been more of a struggle for grandpa. My folks, on the other hand, had kids move back home that never left. They learned about intergeneration living long before the term was ever coined. It worked out rather well, except that I thought it was sad that they never had any time by themselves. We all need alone time and this should be factored in the equation. Everyone needs somewhere to go where they can be alone.
How do you make the situation work for everyone? There have to be some rules and some limits set at the onset. There has to be a level of communication that rises above parent/child or child/parent level. Discuss expectations on all levels (rent, chores, cost of utilities, duties, obligations, whatever). There also have to be an agreement on issues like smoking, noise levels, late night television and overnight houseguests. It isn’t easy for a senior to move in with adult children either. It is a huge adjustment for all and it takes a lot of work to turn a difficult situation into a positive one.
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