Senior Living: How Social Are You?

Humans are social beings.  Studies show that social connections make up an integral part of who we are.   You need friends at every age.  We are not talking about teens who count their Facebook interactions in the hundreds, but about real live friendships.   Studies show that older people, even those with chronic health problems, feel more satisfied with life if they have a social life.

How many friends do you need to have? There isn’t any magic number and there isn’t any criterion that will tell you how often you need to see someone for a relationship to be viable.  However, studies do say that you should have at least one other friend besides a spouse. 

The number of friends that you have dwindles alarmingly after retirement.  The people you worked with and interacted with on a regular basis aren’t the people who follow you as you change venues.   Making friends was easy when you were a kid because you were always surrounded by people with similar interests.  When you started to work you were too busy to make new friends or nurture old ones.     You may even have found yourself avoiding social interactions rather than embracing them.   Now, when you need those friends they are no longer there for you.

If you are alone too much of the time or are feeling lonely, it is time to examine your lifestyle to see if it is working for you.  Fortunately, this is one problem that is easy to fix.   Hopefully you now have enough experience under your belt to know that being shy or having self esteem issues is a silly waste of time.   It is time to face other people on your own terms and learn how to put yourself out there.  If you still feel shy you could speak to your pastor or a counselor for a little help.   Sari Harrar “Long Life Prescriptions,” (a very practical book that I hope every senior reads) shares ideas that I think we should all try to implement.  She starts by telling us to make a list; we all know how to do that.

• A list is always a good thing.  Your college roommates, or Aunt Susie in Pennsylvania or your old neighbor in Podunk, N.J.   Can you find them again?  How about a little closer to home.  Say hello to a next door neighbor.   You may have been exchanging smiles for years but only in passing.  Have you ever spoken to each other?   What about the gal from your tennis class? You exchanged phone numbers and have been meaning to call.   Jot down an ongoing list of names and make plans to contact them.
• Use the internet.  Some of my best chat-time friends are people I have met on line through a diet/exercise newsletter.  Go figure.  You never know who you are going to gel with.   Communication, even by long distant, is great fun.  E-mail has become a wonderful way to reconnect with family and friends.
• Jot down your own personal resume.  New people that you discover or rediscover are going to want to know what you have been up too all of this time.  This way you can consolidate your thoughts and focus on positive things (you don’t want to drive them away after all).
• Turn your hobbies into social activities.  Join a like-minded group that gets together to work and visit and learn.
• Open yourself to a lot of little interactions.  Chat with your neighbor for a few minutes; linger after church services or classes to chat with acquaintances.  Talk to people at the grocery store or at the library.  I read in the paper this morning that some supermarkets are getting rid of the “do-it-yourself” check-out service because customers are more satisfied with verbal interactions. 
• Last but not least is to volunteer with a local organization or at least stop for lunch at your senior center.

The key is to take the time to open yourself up to new experiences.  Make an effort to meet new people.  You will never know if there is someone out there, just like you, if you don’t smile and say hello.

 

 

How Social Are You?   Senior Living (Mental Fitness)   draft

 

Humans are social beings.  Studies show that social connections make up an integral part of who we are.   You need friends at every age.  We are not talking about teens who count their Facebook interactions in the hundreds, but about real live friendships.   Studies show that older people, even those with chronic health problems, feel more satisfied with life if they have a social life.

 

How many friends do you need to have? There isn’t any magic number and there isn’t any criterion that will tell you how often you need to see someone for a relationship to be viable.  However, studies do say that you should have at least one other friend besides a spouse. 

 

The number of friends that you have dwindles alarmingly after retirement.  The people you worked with and interacted with on a regular basis aren’t the people who follow you as you change venues.   Making friends was easy when you were a kid because you were always surrounded by people with similar interests.  When you started to work you were too busy to make new friends or nurture old ones.     You may even have found yourself avoiding social interactions rather than embracing them.   Now, when you need those friends they are no longer there for you.

 

If you are alone too much of the time or are feeling lonely, it is time to examine your lifestyle to see if it is working for you.  Fortunately, this is one problem that is easy to fix.   Hopefully you now have enough experience under your belt to know that being shy or having self esteem issues is a silly waste of time.   It is time to face other people on your own terms and learn how to put yourself out there.  If you still feel shy you could speak to your pastor or a counselor for a little help.   Sari Harrar “Long Life Prescriptions,” (a very practical book that I hope every senior reads) shares ideas that I think we should all try to implement.  She starts by telling us to make a list; we all know how to do that.

 

• A list is always a good thing.  Your college roommates, or Aunt Susie in Pennsylvania or your old neighbor in Podunk, N.J.   Can you find them again?  How about a little closer to home.  Say hello to a next door neighbor.   You may have been exchanging smiles for years but only in passing.  Have you ever spoken to each other?   What about the gal from your tennis class? You exchanged phone numbers and have been meaning to call.   Jot down an ongoing list of names and make plans to contact them.
• Use the internet.  Some of my best chat-time friends are people I have met on line through a diet/exercise newsletter.  Go figure.  You never know who you are going to gel with.   Communication, even by long distant, is great fun.  E-mail has become a wonderful way to reconnect with family and friends.
• Jot down your own personal resume.  New people that you discover or rediscover are going to want to know what you have been up too all of this time.  This way you can consolidate your thoughts and focus on positive things (you don’t want to drive them away after all).
• Turn your hobbies into social activities.  Join a like-minded group that gets together to work and visit and learn.
• Open yourself to a lot of little interactions.  Chat with your neighbor for a few minutes; linger after church services or classes to chat with acquaintances.  Talk to people at the grocery store or at the library.  I read in the paper this morning that some supermarkets are getting rid of the “do-it-yourself” check-out service because customers are more satisfied with verbal interactions. 
• Last but not least is to volunteer with a local organization or at least stop for lunch at your senior center.

 

The key is to take the time to open yourself up to new experiences.  Make an effort to meet new people.  You will never know if there is someone out there, just like you, if you don’t smile and say hello.