Have you ever wondered why people don’t talk to each others? Somewhere along the line the idea of expressing “feelings” became taboo. For some reason you started to think that talking about feelings made you too vulnerable, and then you forgot how. Forgetting how to communicate is just plain sad.
In the early days of a relationship couples talked. They spent hours talking because they were interested in what their partners had to say, and they were eager to get to know one another. Unfortunately this initial period of discovery fades. Meaningful conversation ceases to seem important. Rosemarie Lynass wrote an article for the (Daily Record: Glasgow, (UK): December 4, 2006) about relationships. The article expounded on how the lack of meaningful communication causes problems. If family members do not deal with issues when they arise, feeling often get bottled up and resentment surfaces.
Talk therapy is an effective way to confront and express positive and negative feelings, but if you actually talked at home you might not need a therapist. Granted that some people talk too much, but it is usually about superficial things and not about real feelings. If you become accustomed to silence, you have to learn how to talk all over again. People have been known to spend an entire lifetime building up a wall in order to hide weaknesses; it can take two lifetimes to tear it back down. Everyone feels vulnerable about something. Older people are no different.
Seniors have a lifetime of experience when it comes to problem solving. I think it would be nice if we listened and actually heard what they had to say about decisions that involve their lives. It isn’t as much about “having the talk,” as it is about learning to listen.
The author gives some thought provoking suggestions about how to improve communication skills within the family unit.
- Get in the habit of talking to your mom, your spouse, and to your children. They may try to shut you out but don’t let it happen. It will get you into the habit of talking and listening to each other.
- Take time to listen. It isn’t enough to just be in the same room while talking. Really listen to and understand what they are saying.
- Let them know you are listening by facing them, keeping eye contact and making suitable acknowledgment from time to time.
- Make sure you understand what they are saying by telling them what you think they are saying using your own worlds.
- Try not to interrupt them when they are speaking. If you are really listening, you shouldn’t be thinking about your response.
- Allow them to say everything they have to say before you bring in your thoughts and feelings.
- Communication goes two ways. You need to be willing to talk about your thoughts and feelings too.
- Avoid raising your voice or arguing.
- Instead of talking about what makes you unhappy; think in terms of what makes you happy.
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