An article in The Wall Street Journal touched on as aspect of retirement living that I hadn’t thought of before. Kathleen Hughes (The Wall Street Journal: Monday, March 21, 2011) wrote about what happens when couples don’t agree. The operative word in the equation is “we.” What if your dream about where you want to spend the rest of your life isn’t that the same dream that your spouse has? This, the author asserts, may be the trickiest and most troublesome issue that a couple has to face when it is time to retire.
Couples of and near the “baby boomer” generation are more apt to be faced with this question. Lives filled with college and career opportunities of a global nature have made our generation a mobile one. People today don’t have the same sense of community that came from growing up and growing old in the same place. A family consisting of two career persons has different dynamics than one where one person works, and the other is in charge of the home. It isn’t surprising that after years of developing their own styles that Mr. and Mrs. (if they even share the same name) harbor different dreams about what retirement will be like. How are they going to resolve their differences?
Compromise is ideal when it works. The trend may be toward living in different places, while remaining married (married living apart). Well, that doesn’t sound good, but if you can afford two different residences and spend time in each, it may be what happens. Why should one person always be the one to concede and just go along for the ride? The best way to handle this situation, according to Dorian Mintzer (Couple’s Retirement Puzzle) is by starting to talk about the issue long before the actual gold watch presentation, and hopefully come up with a shared vision. If one person wants to live in the city and the other wants to retire to a small town or live near the ocean there might have to be two houses, or a city that is near the ocean or a village that is near the city. This isn’t always possible but if one spouse has to concede everything there is going to be a lot of dissatisfaction in the marriage.
Retirement used to be a male transition and it was taken for granted that the wives would accommodate. Now that women are taking the lead and want to plan what comes next, the focus shifts. There is now a “his and a hers” point of view about what is going to happen next, and it catches a lot of couples by surprise.
Finding a way to compromise is something that is going to take some getting used to. Rediscovering your spouse and respecting each others dreams will be an important discovery. It is something that needs to be mulled and considered long before retirement actually arrives.
My wife and I are facing this issue now. We live in Florida. I came here to work not to spend the rest of my life. I miss the change of seasons, hills, spring in bloom. My wife likes the heat and endless summer. I can't fathom the thought that is all there will ever be. Two financially independent professionals with a different vision of the future. As the article states if one of is always compromising resentment will build
Posted by: B. Anderson | May 03, 2011 at 09:48 PM