The Herald ran a beautiful article by Sharon Naylor (Creators.com: Thursday, April 21, 2011) about nurturing relationships with adult children. People live such hectic and driven lives these days that they lose track of the people who care for them the most. Your children may live across the street or across the county but if your lives don’t intersect, you may be missing out on something pretty special. You see a lot of articles these days about fostering relationships between grandparents and grandkids, but not much attention is paid to helping people connect with their adult children. Adult children have feelings too, and they don’t automatically become self sufficient robots when they move out of the family home. It isn’t unusual for adult children to feel replaced or forgotten once they have children of their own, especially if you are enthralled by the idea of being a grandparent. It is fine to fawn over a grandchild, but think how fun it might be to reconnect with your own children as real people too.
Families belong together but it isn’t something that happens by remote control. Special care needs to be taken to nurture family relationships. You can tell by letters written to advice columnists that dysfunctional family relationships are alive and well. It takes time and it takes work to have a relationship, any relationship. Someone has to make the effort and it shouldn’t always be the same person reaching out.
You already have a shared history and concern for each other but have you taken the time to explore mutual interests, and try doing some things together. The author refers to author Susan Newman (Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and learning to Live Together Happily)”, and was obviously impressed by her observations. Mutual interests could prove to be the springboard for developing a relationship, but you will never know if you don’t ask. People often tiptoe around issues instead of speaking out. If you keep too many things close to your chest it makes it difficult for others to find their way into your “inner circle.”
The author stresses how making time to spend with your adult children reinforces how important they are to you. Just because you have known a child since birth doesn’t mean that you know them now. If you are lucky enough to live in the same community:
- Have breakfast or lunch together at a time when it is just the two you.
- When attending the grandkids sporting events sit with the whole family and enjoy the camaraderie.
- Cook together. Don’t you envy the big family meal gatherings on the television series Blue Blood? Have some family time together.
- Get some exercise together.
- Go to a show or a sporting event together. It is different when you can go without the youngsters.
- E-mail daily or call once a week. Create a ritual that shows that you are always in their thoughts.
Don’t be critical. Learn how to talk about things that really matter, not just about the kids activities. No drama, no pressure, just times when you can enjoy each others company.
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