Yesterday I wrote about newly retired persons making the big decision about whether to relocate to another area or not. Today we move a little beyond that as it nears the time when your children are going to want to have “the talk” with you. Sue Shellenbarger reminds us that it isn’t always easy in an article about “the talk with mom and dad.” (The Wall Street Journal: February 23, 2011).
What about that talk. Hopefully you have been making decisions for “what if” or “just in case” all along. I hate the thought of you being subjected to “the talk” by someone who waltzes in and out of your life once or twice a year. I understand the decisions and the thoughts about what to do in case something awful happens, but I found the article rather disturbing with its 40-70 rule. This rule implies that if your kids are 40 and you are 70, it is time to start talking. Sigh, I am staring down the road at 70 and I am not remotely ready to start thinking about “the talk,” even though I fully understand the need to plan ahead.
After working with seniors for many years I don’t think of 70 or even 80 as old, older perhaps, but not old and we are certainly not frail. I recognize that some seniors need long term care facilities, but I also recognize that many people can live their entire lives without having to move into an aged-care facility.
The best way to avoid the “talk” is to make a plan yourself. Your plan should including doing whatever you can to make sure that you remain independent as long as possible. If your adult children feel hurried and harried about your changing care needs they are more apt to push you toward the most convenient option. Family members are often not the best to decide what kind of care is needed. It is critical to assess your entire situation before jumping to conclusions. Sometimes it takes an outside party, like a private assessment professional, to help make a plan that is less overwhelming for all of you.
Remove the clutter from your lives and make a plan. Address all of the pros and cons about making a move (hopefully before the need arises) and make your wishes known. Sitting and murmuring that you suppose whatever they decide is okay, takes any control you might want to have out of the equation.
Dementia, of course, is another issue altogether. People with dementia may not be capable of making decisions in their own best interests. If you have done everything possible to remain physically and mentally strong, you may be able to dodge this bullet for the time being. A comprehensive assessment should be done before and after the “talk.” There are people on the “outside” who should be receiving professional assisted living care, but there are also people on the “inside” that could get by with home care. Many people live their entire lives without having to move into a care facility so explore your options and be in on the plan.
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