Friendship means different thing to different people. The film version of real life gives the impression that everyone belongs to a special group of “best friends,” who have always been there for each other. I often wonder how many people actually have in-depth relationships like that. Our society is so mobile these days that just living in one place for any length of time seems like a minor miracle. Short of living in a small community with a population of 300, how do you get to have a circle of “best friends” like that?
Author Bernice Bratter (Project Renewment) says that for grown women, the essence of friendship is talk. Women share and tell each other what they are thinking and feeling in great depth; it helps them to think and formulate their hopes and plans for the future. However, adult lives become very complex once you leave school years behind. We all love the thought of being independent, but when the chips are down we need socialization and friendships for support, information, and understanding.
As people advance through careers and get ready for retirement the primary focus was on managing finances, maintaining health, and caring for loved ones. Most of your friendships were work related, but after leaving the job you soon discover that you had little else in common. At 65 you find that you have few if any real friends. It feels like you are starting to all over again. Making friends at this stage can be difficult. Nevertheless, a social network and friendships are important. Friendships help you weather loneliness, depression, illness, successes, joy, and the trials of everyday life.
It is generally understood that men and women differ in the way they experience friendships. The author feels that men just want to do things together, while women just enjoy being together for company. After watching the television series “Men of a Certain Age,” I wonder if we might be paying our gentlemen friends a grave injustice. Could it be that they might be more sensitive and needier than we were led to believe? It certainly makes you think about the role of friendships. Women and gentlemen alike, exhibit a special gift that allows them to relate to each other in times of need. It is the human connection.
Having friends is important. Not having friends is detrimental to your health. It is not always easy to have the type of relationships, outside of marriage, that the experts are talking about. Friends come and go throughout a lifetime, and when you get older they move or start to die off, which is certainly not a happy situation. After retirement it is up to you to make and maintain friendships, almost a fulltime job. You need to be the one who makes friendships happen. Waiting for the Welcome Wagon to come to your door isn’t enough.
friendship is so important. we are all meant to be with other people.
Posted by: aarp ins | January 28, 2011 at 02:48 PM