Senior Living: Can Families Come Together Again?

 Families are coming together and rediscovering each other again.  Between children caring for aging parents and adult children coming back home again; the term “sandwich generation” has taken on a whole new meaning.  Susan Newman (Work & Family Life, June 2010) discusses the plight of the “boomeranger.”  Initially the term referred to college kids returning to the nest, but now it is just as likely to include a 50 year old parent, a 75 year old grandparent, and a midlife adult with a family in tow, or a 28 year old still trying to figure out what they want to do next.  Taking care of one’s own children, your children’s children, and elderly parents has brought our family life full circle again, and it isn’t going to be easy.

 

Fortunately the stigma of returning home or living with other family members has vanished.  There is still a generation gap but it isn’t as obvious as it was in the past.  For the most part, family members who live together enjoy their lives and find that their lives are less stressful and more manageable.  Needless to say, members of the sandwich generation are experiencing a whole new set of stresses and obligations that may seem difficult to imagine, yet at the same time they are reaping the benefits that come from a sense of belonging.

 

The main challenge of multigenerational family living is figuring out how to meet both individual and family needs.  An article by Diana Sholley for The Sun (San Bernardino, California; May 29, 2010) gives suggestions to families looking for new ways to fit peacefully together.  She goes beyond just figuring out who is responsible for what chores.  Her suggestions include:

 

·        Making it a partnership arrangement and tackling major issues up front.  All members need to give input about how to make the arrangement work.   It isn’t all about what you can get out of the arrangement, but of what you can contribute in order to make it work.

 

·        Ask for help.  The whole family needs to work together.  Adults help children and children help adults.  Pool resources and get outside help when things are too tough to handle alone.

 

·        Make family unity the key.  Rules, routines, traditions all work to draw the

      family unit together.   Work and play together. 

 

• Find common interests and build on them in order to develop deeper relationships.

 

·        Keep lines of communication open.  Recognize the difference between “my time,” and “our time,” and make sure that each family member gets plenty of both.  Take everyone’s needs into account and learn how to bridge communication gaps between all.

 

·        Distinguish between private space and shared space. Recognize that everyone needs time to be alone.

 

Once personal space issues are addressed you can make your home a place where each generation can live as independently as possible.