With the economy and
household finances in disrepair it is time for families to come together
again. The term dysfunctional has become
such an easy excuse for us these days that we have forgotten that family is
about what we can do for each other.
Anna Tergesen wrote an
excellent article for the Wall Street Journal (March 27-28, 2010) about
siblings stepping up to the challenge of caring for an ill or aging
parent. Statistics tell us that about
4.5 million Americans are looking after someone 50 or older, 41% are hiring
help and even more are reaching out to unpaid help.
Family caregivers are the
back-bone of the long term care system.
It is essential that families find ways to work together with the common
goal of caring for an aging parent. The
author examines some of the challenges that siblings might face as they come
together to figure out how to best care for a loved one.
It is time to forget old
arguments and differences and come together with a common goal. Start over fresh. Remember the good times and put aside the
hurt feeling and fences that you were too stubborn to mend. Divide up the work so that one person isn’t
left to do it all. Divide up the tasks
and hold everyone accountable, there is no room for martyrs. Keep an open line of communications and have
conferences regularly, even if they need to be done by phone.
We all know that most
families rely on one primary caregiver.
Experts recommend asking for help as soon as possible. If the primary caregiver doesn’t say anything,
everything is assumed to be fine. In all likelihood things are not fine at all.
Care giving is an enormously draining
responsibility. The author suggest that
if the family is at odds about what can and should be done, that a
geriatric-care manager who specializes in the eldercare is a worthy
consideration.
The author also outlined
Websites available to help distance relatives stay involved. She also cited that chores like paying bills,
talking with doctors and insurers as well as vetting transportation and paid
help options could be done by people from other areas. Visits from distance relatives to provide
respite for the primary caregiver would also be welcomed. Perhaps a salary for
the primary caregiver could also be worked into the arrangement. The common
thread is that care giving is an act of love, but caregivers still need to be
appreciated.
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