How Will Retirement Affect Your Marriage?

 

 Many books and articles written about retirement focus on individual coping skills, but barely touch on how it is going to affect your marriage.  If you are both retiring at or about the same time, the stress and uncertainties are going to affect both of you.  I mean, how do you keep from killing each other?   

 

Think about it. You may have been a “couple” for forty or fifty years, but after the honeymoon period your roles has been pretty well defined.   We all like to pretend that we are like the “Brady Bunch” and are used to spending a lot of quality time together, but this isn’t always the way it is. In reality we have only been spending a couple of hours a day together for a very long time. Careers, household management, and family responsibilities have consumed our lives to the nth degree, so it isn’t any wonder that retirement is a life altering transition.

 

Togetherness is great if your interests are similar, but after fifty years you might need to rediscover the person you fell in love with.  People grow and change. Are you ready to be joined at the hip again?  Lofty plans like living in an RV while traveling across the country, wintering in Arizona, or sailing half way around the world could be wonderful, or not. 

 

You may have to get to know this “other” person all over again, and it will require a lot of thoughtful compromise and unimaginable adjustments.  While you are making lists of things that you want to do with the rest of your life be sure to discuss it with your partner.

 

Do you have to do everything together?  How much time should be committed to each other?  You may find your spouse more irritating than endearing when you are both home all of the time.  Minor irritations could very well become major frustrations if you have forgotten how to talk.   Communication is just as important now as it was during those first years together.  Remember how you used to talk to each other for hours on end?  When was the last time that you did that? You have been waiting for this moment for a long time and it could, and it should b, a very exciting time for you.

 

Continue to enjoy the things that you like to do together but allow yourself the luxury of scheduling outside activities too.  Sit down and discuss everything from household chores to how you are going to budget time and money.  You should feel free (not guilty) about wanting to grow and change as you engage in this new lifestyle together.

Comments

[Joan Adams]

Great questions! We have been working from home together since the 1980's when my husband lost his vision. We took line dancing lessons and danced three nights a week for a while, too. We allow each other space for our own interests as hubby plays golf and I write on the internet. You can enjoy being together at home if you remember to laugh often and enjoy every day!