Relationships are under a
lot of scrutiny these days, if for no other reason than for giving us an excuse
to blame our shortcomings on someone else.
Whether it is about talking with your teen or still trying to figure out
your own parents it all boils down to whether you communicate with each other.
Some people are the strong
silent types who keep everything bottled up inside, while others are the gushy
sorts who share so much that nobody listens.
When did we stop talking to each other?
“Eldercare for Dummies,” by
Rachelle Zukerman, PhD spends a chapter talking about how to become closer to
the elder in your life. She could have
written a whole book on the subject and it would have been a best seller. I’ve worked with seniors for a good share of
my professional career and by-in-large, there are a lot of miserable people out
there, and very little communication.
The results of this lack of
communications can mean that slights (real or imaginary) can go on for
decades. Each person blames the other
for their problems and each person wait for some sign of apology, confession or
remorse from the other person. Long
lived resentments spill over into every aspect of your life and can actually
prevent special bonds from happening.
Every one has feelings but
instead of acknowledging that, we get wrapped up in our own misery and wall
ourselves off. A heart to heart talk
with your senior may lead to a new understanding for both of you. Forget the child/mother, mother/child aspect
and talk to each other like one grown-up to another. Try trusting each other with your own
thoughts, feeling and doubts. The magic
is the sharing, not necessarily the response that you might get. I just watched my favorite move “Mother,” for
the hundredth time. I never get tired of
seeing the story of a son who comes to know his mother as a person instead of
just his mother. It shows a tremendous
amount of emotional growth from both people and it could be the story of all of
our lives.
Create special moments. As your senior about the “good old days,’ be
curious about their lives, discuss current events together, learn how to listen
and learn how to express your feelings.
You may have to accept your relationship as it is, but you can learn
from it. If you struggled to talk with
your parents, make sure that you learn to listen and open up with your own
children. If you can talk and share, and
if you can be friends, the world is yours.
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