I am a huge advocate for independent living. I would like to see everyone live and die at home surrounded by friends and loved ones. However, after working in health care for more years than I would like to think about, I know that this isn’t always possible. Dementia is a fearful enemy and when your mind lets you down it may be necessary to look elsewhere for help.
Jerry Large, columnist for the Seattle Times (July 9,2009) wrote the most beautiful follow up article about the dilemma of finding a safe place for his mother that I have ever read. He shared comments and stories from readers that truly touched me, just when I thought I knew it all.
Care facilities do a good job, but they are still just care facilities. It is important to remember that even if you have turned basic care over to someone else; you still want to be actively involved. Do not abandon your parents or grandparents in their time of greatest need. It is so very important that you treat them the way you would like to be treated. Enjoy them for who they are now, not the way you wish they would be. Their bodies may be frail but they are still alive. They still want to be a part of the world and most of all they still want to be loved.
The article points out beautifully that people with dementia or Alzheimer’s are true examples of living in the moment. There is no today, there is no tomorrow, and there is no yesterday—not even a few minutes ago. There is only now. Our job, he goes on to say, is to make sure they have as many good moments as possible. Make the last part of their journey a loving one. Thank you Jerry Large for sharing your insights with us.
The decision is tough, but do your research and find the best place that you can afford to meet his/her needs but go a step further and stay involved.
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